Think of us Monday

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by toughlovin, Jun 29, 2013.

  1. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    So my husband and I are in Ohio for a family reunion many many miles from home. My difficult child called me in tears yesterday because he had been told to pack his bags from the halfway house he is in and he has an 18 month prison sentence hanging over his head!!! I told him it was Friday and to call his probation officer....long story short she had him talk to someone who told him to be there mon morn for a urine screen and if it was clean they would not put him in jail. I am not sure that is true but we agreed that with the help of his girlfriend to put him in a cheap motel for the weekend. I did not want him homeless in the city for the weekend....but we are not going to continue to put him up.

    his claim of why he was kicked out is that he was seen, mistakenly of course by staff to be disrespectful! He feels like the victim....I of course suspect it was more than that but I don't really need to figure it out.

    I was willing to put him up this weekend because I will sleep better knowing he is safe and he did do the right thing by calling probation.

    so I am a little on edge but determined to enjoy hanging out with my cousins who mi haven't seen for years.

  2. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    I would imagine you are alittle on edge right now. I sure do hope the UA comes out clean and the difficult child will stay out of jail.

    Also hoping you enjoy your time with family...It is so very important to the soul to reconnect with others that we love and hold dear.

  3. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'll keep you in my thoughts on Monday. Why, oh why, do our difficult child's always see themselves as victims? I know that my difficult child is blaming us for not helping her out with her current jobless situation even though she knew for over a month that she was in imminent danger of losing her job. I just know she is going around painting herself as a victim whose parents don't care about her.

    It just kills me.

  4. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    You can count on me, TL. I'm glad that you're not letting this sudden setback ruin your reunion.
  5. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    Thanks. I am having a good time...and got a text from girlfriend looking for advice because difficult child was threatening to use if she didn't come over when he wanted! Ugh! So I told her to do what she needed to do and to not let him manipulate her and his using was his responsibility! My biggest fear is that because we put him up this weekend the court will think he has a place to live which he doesn't.

  6. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I know this doesn't sound "appropriate" but easy child/difficult child found a product available at health food stores that allowed him to get thru YEARS of ua's.....showing up clean. Don't all "users" know hos to beat these tests? I just assumed so. DDD
  7. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    Yes I think they do but I am not sure how fool proof they are and he has no money!
  8. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    TL where in Ohio are you. Wish we could meet if only for a quick ice tea.

    I'm sorry he once again was disinvited from his current location. Hoping Monday turns out OK.
  9. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    My difficult child told me that she had learned in the last halfway house how to beat any drug test. She also the exact timing down how long she has to wait until alcohol no longer shows up in her system.

    However, I think they have to know ahead of time to beat the test. I would think that a supervised unannounced drug test would be harder to beat.

  10. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    Nancy I am near Granville and then flying out of Cincinnati. I would love to meet you too.

  11. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm at the other end of the state ;( if you ever come back this way give me some notice, I will drive down there.
  12. FlowerGarden

    FlowerGarden Active Member

    Will be thinking of you. Hope things turn out okay for him. Try to enjoy the reunion!
  13. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Safe travels-- I'm thinking of you TL. Let us know.
  14. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    What a crazy ride we are all on..... so my flight Sunday night was delayed 3 hours so we didnt get home until after 2, I didnt get to bed til after 3 and I had to get up at 6:30am so I could meet him and take him to court. At court they sent him to the place where they do some of the drug court day treatment to get tested and do the groups and figure out what was next. That place is 30 min away.... so I drove him there but they didnt do drug testing in the morning and groups didnt start til 2 so we basically hung out for 3 hours while we waited... they did talk to him and tell him they would look for another placement but they were also pretty tough on him, if this next one doesnt work then he will end up doing jail time!! Of ourse a major issue is he has not place to live and they said they would try to get him in a bed in the holding place which is better than jail. He was pretty despondent, saying he didnt think it would work etc. etc. I tried to keep my cool and tell him it was up to him.... but I was also feeling pretty hopeless... it was like he wanted me to work some magic. I finally told him I didnt have any more magic, I had no other options that I had given my all trying to help him and I got pretty choked up. I tried not to let him see me cry but I know he knew I was crying and he finally got out of the car for a little while. We went to lunch and he is in contact with his girlfriend. I knew they would not find him a bed that day and so I called a homeless shelter but there was no way he would make it in time that night..... so I told him I would pay for one more night at a hotel. So then he tells me that for some reason his girlfriend mother loves him so she is trying to find him a place.

    What is it with this woman.... I dont know her, she has never gotten in touch with me and she is the one who paid for him to come back from treatment 2 years ago!! But hey if she can find him treatment good for her. So she calls him with a place she has found on the internet.....she tells him they take our insurance but they dont take people who are court ordered and he needs to be referred by a doctor..... so he is trying to figure out how to do that. I am thinking to myself, but keeping my mouth shut that this is never going to fly..... for one thing I didnt think drug court would cooperate and say he wasnt court ordered, I didnt think he would find a doctor and I didnt think he would be able to do it even with insurance without out us paying a bundle. Of course what do I know.... I have only been through this a million times!!!

    So he goes to group... and I leave... he is checking out this place and calls me and said not an option, insurance will only pay for a week!!! Bwa ha ha ha..... of course! The good news is that drug court did find him a bed in the holding place starting today. So I paid for a hotel last night and his girlfriend got him to the holding place today.

    So we shall see..... I will not be surprised at all if he still ends up in jail..... but I am just trying to continue to let him know I love him, support him getting help without going over the top and enabling him to do bad stuff.

    Even with all of this koi..... I managed to have a really good time at my family reunion.

    OK now I need to catch up on the rest of you.

  15. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Maybe he should use my pee since evidently I dont Cough cough
  16. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    TL, glad you enjoyed your family reunion. I hope difficult child is in a stable place for awhile.
  17. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    Just an difficult child is in a holding place until they find a bed for him in some kind of halfway house/residential treatment. Not sure how long he will be there maybe a couple of months. He is not too happy there but admits it is better than jail. I have gone to see him, took him a little money for snacks, laundry and phone calls. I also took him some books and although I think this is enabling I did take him some chewing tobacco (cant have cigs)

    He has an active role in doing applications for places which I think is good.

    Me - I am relieved he is safe and not using. I am sorry he is miserable but I am sleeping better at night and dont feel so foused on him which is good. And it feels good to have it out of my hands and not costing us anything. Wherever he ends up he will either make it work or he won't and if he doesnt he will end up in prison. To be honest that no longer worries me.... him being on the streets is much worse for me.

  18. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    I always hold a good thought out for you and son.
    Maybe now that you all are not paying for treatment he will see his options more clearly and stay on track....I hope so.

  19. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Our family therapist always talks about the importance of having difficult child "bring something to the table" and being effective in getting her needs met in a positive way. It sounds like that is just what your difficult child did by finding a place for himself.

    I certainly understand your feeling of relief.