Think of us tonight

[toughlovin]

OK so my son and his girlfriend are coming over for dinner tonight....hopefully he wont stand us up.... see even now I question the good stuff.

Anyway I am looking forward to it and am a bit nervous... it is like I am young again and having a first date almost.

I just hope we can have a relaxed fun evening but also talk about real stuff.... we shall see how it goes.

Anyway send me good calming thoughts for a relaxed evening.

 

[Hound dog]

I hope you have a pleasant dinner together.

Try not to pin anything to the meal and the time you get to visit. No expectations means no disappointments. Just have fun when they get there.

Hugs

 

[toughlovin]

Well he just cancelled.... I texted him back about the food he was missing and I get back a text about how hates to be guilt tripped,.... so I texted him about how I understood but I should be able to express I was put out and next time we should go out to dinner so I don't have to cook.... Really it is his loss as I had made some leftovers for them to take with them. Guess there is now more for the rest of us. I really am ok..... it was amazing that he was even considering coming over for dinner. So I guess in our relationship it is two steps forward and one step back.

 

[Hound dog]

So I guess in our relationship it is two steps forward and one step back.

That is pretty typical for difficult children. Which is why I'd warned not to let yourself pin anything to the meal and take it at face value.

Nichole and Travis don't do that type thing, but katie will cancel much more often than she will follow through with plans. So I just go about it with the attitude she's going to cancel......then if she doesn't, that's ok too. Sometimes living life as a pessimist isn't so bad. lol

Sorry he canceled. His lost to some good home cooking and left overs. Going out to dinner next time is an excellent idea.

Hugs

 

[toughlovin]

Thanks Hounddog.... I should have known better than to cook a special meal....guess this is another lesson in detachment. LOL. I really want to text his girlfriend to see how she feels about it BUT I have decided NOT to do that.... better to just let it be and eat well. At least I won't have to cook on Mothers day.

 

[DDD]

Geez, I hate that kind of stuff. Even if you're not disappointed...it still messes with your head and has cost you time and energy.

I've always loved cooking for company. One of my biggest issues with easy child's wife is that she (almost 50, college educated, Mom of two teends) stops at McD's of BK on the way to my house for dinner! Yep..I'm not kidding! That is really hard for me to take! difficult child's are PIA's.

Hope your leftovers freeze up nicely for an easy dinner later in the week. Hugs. DDD

 

[Hound dog]

3D your daughter in law stopping for food at a fast food joint before she arrives for dinner is just plain rude. ugh wow

 

[tiredmommy]

I'm sorry dinner fell through... at least he let you know he wasn't coming instead of standing you up.

 

[elizabrary]

You have good food to eat throughout the week, which I know I would appreciate. In fact, if I lived near you I would totally have taken his place at the last minute had you called me. And I would have taken home leftovers!

 

[DammitJanet]

Sorry TL about the dinner...how rude.. but actually not too gfgish just semi typical young adult on their own itis. Parents have no feelings at their ages. Just wait..they will learn.

Now DDD...is your daughter in law related to mine? She also stops at McD's before eating our food...lol.

 

[DDD]

"Just plain rude" just about sums it up. Of course, there is a sweet outside shell! Yuk! DDD

 

[toughlovin]

YEah and he was apologetic.... but how come I can't say a thing without being accused of guilt tripping him..... I mean gee whiz why am I not allowed to have any feelings???? Curious whether or not he will wish me a Happy Mothers day... not counting on it. I am going to leave him alone for awhile.

 

[1905]

Totally rude, inconsiderate...really a typical difficult child. My difficult child asked to come over for dinner Friday, he got here and said "Aw..I hate pot roast".....um dude, you don't live here and you invited yourself. They're rude and inconsiderate for some reason. It truly is one step forward and 2 steps back, even at their best. Today we were supposed to watch difficult child play football, he was playing VERY far away, we decided not to go because I am not supposed to go out on the sun for a few weeks (sunburn). Well, he got thrown out of the game for punching someone in the second quarter. Who does that in an adult league???? I'm glad I didn't drive all that way. I just take him with grain of salt and am glad he lives elsewhere. I love him to death, but glad he's elsewhere.

 

[Nancy]

That was rude and I'm sorry. I know how disappointed it must have been for you. What could have been more important? Is he that busy? I guess you will just have other things to do the next time he calls you for something.

Happy Mother's Day.

Nancy

 

[witzend]

This is kind of why I'm glad that I have no great expectation for Mother's Day.

 

[toughlovin]

Thank God this was not related to Mothers day!!! I had just invited them over for dinner because my easy child was going to be out.... his girlfriend was the one who really wanted to come for good food I think. He was tired, had worked all day and his legs hurt etc. Poor thing don't you think. In his defense I don't think he knew I was cooking anything special or putting special effort into it that was me being a mom and glad to have him coming over.

So next time he calls I will be happy to see him but I am not cooking anything special... did that today, won't be doing that again.

And we are going out to dinner for MD with my daughter, hubby and a good friend of mine. It will be fun and enjoyable and will not involbe my difficult child.

 

[HereWeGoAgain]

In his defense I don't think he knew I was cooking anything special or putting special effort into it that was me being a mom and glad to have him coming over.

It was still indefensible. He went back on something he said he'd do, and was so thoughtless that rather than being sorry he complained about being guilt-tripped. Too bad guilt trips don't seem to produce shame or remorse; he deserves to be made uncomfortable about his selfishness. So sorry that he treated you this way.

(Here's hoping his girlfriend roasted him alive - ideally, he was defensive to you 'cause he was catching heat from her.)

 

[toughlovin]

What you say is so true.... he was very inconsiderate, basically being a royal jerk.... which is how he often is to me!!! Yeah I kind of hope his girlfriend gave him a hard time. So it is a good reminder to me that although he hopefully is not using drugs he still has his difficult child personality and that has not changed.

 

[toughlovin]

Ok so he did text me for mothers day...i wasnt expecting it but i am glad he did.

 

[Nomad]

As best as you can, might be best to speak and/or text him sort of like a third party person.
Just the facts, ....especially when something crummy has just happened.
I would respond by making different arrangements for next time... Limit expressing feelings...especially anger. Save comments for things that are intolerable and inappropriate...and even then, express yourself with-o emotion.
I agree, a nearby restaurant might be best for next time.
And if he continues to do this type of thing, consider putting a "hold" on any dinners for six months. If he inquires, say something like I'm taking a little break until after the New Year and then we'll try again....