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Thinking About Katie
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<blockquote data-quote="Signorina" data-source="post: 536668"><p>Love to you Lisa. </p><p></p><p>As always, I am humbled by your enormous heart. And the way you reach out to people, share yourself with others. On this board and in real life.</p><p></p><p>I am reading around the boards today - looking for I don't know, something? I am struggling with my own thoughts about my estranged difficult child who is back in town. Over on the SA board, I liken us moms of adult difficult child's to the Red Roof Inn - we leave the light on... sometimes not literally as they are not welcome in our homes or even our lives... but AFAIK, none of us give up them in our heart of hearts.</p><p></p><p>H and I have welcomed difficult child back to weekly Sunday dinners. It was difficult child's suggestion and even so - he is tentative, has stayed only for two hours each time, and we make small talk. It's like some alternate universe. And of course, being who I am, I want to fast forward through all of this small talk, this tentativeness - as though it is some novel - I want to read the last chapter so I know where this is going...and only then would I want to read the the preceding chapters. I want to know the ending first. I cant, so I look toward every little nuance trying to figure what the heck is going on. In his brain? In his life? And the real question - why on earth would he choose his current life when he could have so much more (and I don't mean monetarily) - surrounded by people who truly care? </p><p></p><p>And then I say to myself "Sig - sit up straight and just let it unfold..." "Don't rush it..."; "stop analyzing" and more importantly..."resist the urge to offer help, to fix it. You can't solve it! If he wants your help; he needs to ASK."</p><p></p><p>For now, it's got to be enough that we've opened the door. Maybe with time and patience, he will realize and he will ASK. </p><p></p><p>And maybe you closed the door a bit on Katie. You had no choice - it was self preservation. But you didn't lock it. Didn't even latch it. So, let her know it's open. And take it step by step. And hope that SHE can feel safe and that she will eventually recognize the unconditional love you have given her ...that SHE can see her own life clearly. It may take forever. In the meantime, it will be a wonderful thing for your grandchildren. All of them. </p><p></p><p>You are a wonderful mother.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Signorina, post: 536668"] Love to you Lisa. As always, I am humbled by your enormous heart. And the way you reach out to people, share yourself with others. On this board and in real life. I am reading around the boards today - looking for I don't know, something? I am struggling with my own thoughts about my estranged difficult child who is back in town. Over on the SA board, I liken us moms of adult difficult child's to the Red Roof Inn - we leave the light on... sometimes not literally as they are not welcome in our homes or even our lives... but AFAIK, none of us give up them in our heart of hearts. H and I have welcomed difficult child back to weekly Sunday dinners. It was difficult child's suggestion and even so - he is tentative, has stayed only for two hours each time, and we make small talk. It's like some alternate universe. And of course, being who I am, I want to fast forward through all of this small talk, this tentativeness - as though it is some novel - I want to read the last chapter so I know where this is going...and only then would I want to read the the preceding chapters. I want to know the ending first. I cant, so I look toward every little nuance trying to figure what the heck is going on. In his brain? In his life? And the real question - why on earth would he choose his current life when he could have so much more (and I don't mean monetarily) - surrounded by people who truly care? And then I say to myself "Sig - sit up straight and just let it unfold..." "Don't rush it..."; "stop analyzing" and more importantly..."resist the urge to offer help, to fix it. You can't solve it! If he wants your help; he needs to ASK." For now, it's got to be enough that we've opened the door. Maybe with time and patience, he will realize and he will ASK. And maybe you closed the door a bit on Katie. You had no choice - it was self preservation. But you didn't lock it. Didn't even latch it. So, let her know it's open. And take it step by step. And hope that SHE can feel safe and that she will eventually recognize the unconditional love you have given her ...that SHE can see her own life clearly. It may take forever. In the meantime, it will be a wonderful thing for your grandchildren. All of them. You are a wonderful mother. [/QUOTE]
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