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Thinking about sending my child to Residential Treatment Center (RTC)
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<blockquote data-quote="buddy" data-source="post: 537815" data-attributes="member: 12886"><p>Hi! Welcome, no beating you up here for sure....I have had people in real life beat me up but not here. Have people asked hard questions??? Yes, but I asked for the help sorting things out. People have different perspectives, we sometimes disagree, and that is important because no one is wrong....it just gives you ideas and you get to pick what fits your situation best. </p><p></p><p>That said, I want to congratulate you on the steps you have taken and how you are continuing to search for answers. That is not easy and for those of us who do it, it is hard. Some people can't and that is ok too....the big picture needs to be considered! I am one of those who has no other kids and I still need this board. I am the target and I too have to run my home very rigid in many ways.</p><p></p><p>Can you answer some questions (not one single thing is a judgement, simply helps to know where you all are coming from, and helps people to comment if they can relate)...</p><p>-Was he adopted? Even as a baby?</p><p>-Was he or were you ever ill when he was very little causing any form of separation or pain (like preemies, or my mom had health issues and I had to live with a grandma on and off)</p><p>-Was he a fussy baby, did he calm when you cuddled him?</p><p>-How is his overall development? School issues??</p><p>-does he take medications...any that help but not good enough? any that could be making him more obsessive/compulsive? </p><p>-any family history of a psychiatric or developmental condition that could be contributing to this (bi-polar, schizophrenia, autism, genetic conditions like fragile X, etc...)</p><p>-any chemical exposure or illness during pregnancy (you or if adopted..bio mom)</p><p></p><p>None of this is meant to be judgmental! There are many of us who have struggled so if he is a bio child and there were problems, believe me there will be people here who can relate. And obviously the answers are not as important for us as for you...you never have to answer, but you can consider what your answers would be and then do more research, even on this site to see how that might play out for you. </p><p></p><p>Have you ever heard of time-in instead of time out? I had to do this all of the time when my son was little. Instead of going to sit somewhere to calm, he had to be within eye sight, often playing on the floor near me no matter where we were. (for some people this may not work)...cameras in his room...a MUST if you are going to do timeout. But time in has the benefit of increasing a bond too....you dont have to be punitive during the time in....it is a safety issue. We also had play sessions together (brief structured) where we put bandaids or lotion on every little boo boo on each others legs or silly little things like that....just a minute of kindness to help build empathy...we still use the phrase (he is 15 now) no hurts....because he learned what other people hurting was through that.</p><p></p><p>OK all of this stuff...I would do while waiting to get into a diagnostic placement, a short stay Residential Treatment Center (RTC) type of place at a minimum. I have been offered (but turned down because my son is very imitative and learned more behaviors at a very good psychiatric hospital, but I would do it as a last choice for medical reasons or if I can't keep him, myself or others safe) a month-45 day diagnostic placement, but could of course pursue a residential treatment center for a longer stay--even permanent placement...(due to his behaviors)...but they are not so designed for kids with mod-severe autism who can't participate in therapy groups....</p><p></p><p>IF I had other kids...I would not for one second hesitate to find a place though. Also if I end up not being able to contain him in my home. I am moving to help make that easier. Right now I put chain locks on our doors and that helps but he could simply pull the door hard and break them off in a rage...already did once/only part of the lock came lose and I was able to stop him.</p><p></p><p>As our home care psychiatric said, for Q, I will have to always create how I want him to live and even in the care of others...he will be my son, go to school and therapies and docs where I want him to go because I will never stop being his mom...That could change though if the legal system or CPS gets involved (and my son makes false allegations too....it is part of his attachment disorder, a lack of bonding with his main caregiver...we have had to work hard on this. He was not abused but had chronic pain/seizures/head aches due to a brain mass and was taken from his bio parents due to their illegal activities whenhe was 7 mo....he had one consistent and loving foster grandma until I adopted him at age 2.9). I have been accused of causing him to be as he is, yelled at in public, gotten stares, had professionals question and doubt me, etc...ugly. Happily the majority of people have been amazingly supportive and with a ton of patience and frustration, I put together a good medical team and have stayed with them for most of his life so that I have tons of back up if the legal system gets involved. </p><p></p><p>I was talking to TWO moms yesterday at the concert I went to. One couldn't bring her daughter because she has had a year of issues and yesterday ended up in her daughter being very violent, throwing things at her etc. The ohter extended family member, with a daughter who is kind of Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) like but not sure...mom refused an ODD only diagnosis when she was young which hurt too much...and being from a small town, not many options for diagnosis. This girl is getting older so now the school social issues are widening...She heard what we often say here...get a neuropsychologist. evaluation instead of just a neuro. or just a psychiatric. or psychiatric evaluation....It is broader. </p><p></p><p>Anyway, the point is, what we ALL three said was the big crises are rough...finding a child like you did in the bedroom, a big explosion, a huge incident in school...super hard, gets lots of attention from professionals etc... But we do as you said, pull our big girl panties up and deal with it. BUT it is the every day all day hyper-vigilance, the every minute/hour/day negotiations, trying to prevent a scene, do I take this risk or not? Having to adjust plans for everyone involved on a dime. THAT is the stressful part. Wonder if you can relate? </p><p></p><p>Please know you are not alone. These are hard issues and your son is barely out of early childhood. I think you would be wise to pursue every single opportunity possible. Not only for the hope of improvement, but it lays the foundation for future support as they get bigger. Keep journals that start now (or calendar pages where you list little words or reminders of what is happening if a j ournal is too overwhelming).</p><p></p><p>Blessings to you, I hope you check in and see that you are among friends.</p><p></p><p>Dee</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="buddy, post: 537815, member: 12886"] Hi! Welcome, no beating you up here for sure....I have had people in real life beat me up but not here. Have people asked hard questions??? Yes, but I asked for the help sorting things out. People have different perspectives, we sometimes disagree, and that is important because no one is wrong....it just gives you ideas and you get to pick what fits your situation best. That said, I want to congratulate you on the steps you have taken and how you are continuing to search for answers. That is not easy and for those of us who do it, it is hard. Some people can't and that is ok too....the big picture needs to be considered! I am one of those who has no other kids and I still need this board. I am the target and I too have to run my home very rigid in many ways. Can you answer some questions (not one single thing is a judgement, simply helps to know where you all are coming from, and helps people to comment if they can relate)... -Was he adopted? Even as a baby? -Was he or were you ever ill when he was very little causing any form of separation or pain (like preemies, or my mom had health issues and I had to live with a grandma on and off) -Was he a fussy baby, did he calm when you cuddled him? -How is his overall development? School issues?? -does he take medications...any that help but not good enough? any that could be making him more obsessive/compulsive? -any family history of a psychiatric or developmental condition that could be contributing to this (bi-polar, schizophrenia, autism, genetic conditions like fragile X, etc...) -any chemical exposure or illness during pregnancy (you or if adopted..bio mom) None of this is meant to be judgmental! There are many of us who have struggled so if he is a bio child and there were problems, believe me there will be people here who can relate. And obviously the answers are not as important for us as for you...you never have to answer, but you can consider what your answers would be and then do more research, even on this site to see how that might play out for you. Have you ever heard of time-in instead of time out? I had to do this all of the time when my son was little. Instead of going to sit somewhere to calm, he had to be within eye sight, often playing on the floor near me no matter where we were. (for some people this may not work)...cameras in his room...a MUST if you are going to do timeout. But time in has the benefit of increasing a bond too....you dont have to be punitive during the time in....it is a safety issue. We also had play sessions together (brief structured) where we put bandaids or lotion on every little boo boo on each others legs or silly little things like that....just a minute of kindness to help build empathy...we still use the phrase (he is 15 now) no hurts....because he learned what other people hurting was through that. OK all of this stuff...I would do while waiting to get into a diagnostic placement, a short stay Residential Treatment Center (RTC) type of place at a minimum. I have been offered (but turned down because my son is very imitative and learned more behaviors at a very good psychiatric hospital, but I would do it as a last choice for medical reasons or if I can't keep him, myself or others safe) a month-45 day diagnostic placement, but could of course pursue a residential treatment center for a longer stay--even permanent placement...(due to his behaviors)...but they are not so designed for kids with mod-severe autism who can't participate in therapy groups.... IF I had other kids...I would not for one second hesitate to find a place though. Also if I end up not being able to contain him in my home. I am moving to help make that easier. Right now I put chain locks on our doors and that helps but he could simply pull the door hard and break them off in a rage...already did once/only part of the lock came lose and I was able to stop him. As our home care psychiatric said, for Q, I will have to always create how I want him to live and even in the care of others...he will be my son, go to school and therapies and docs where I want him to go because I will never stop being his mom...That could change though if the legal system or CPS gets involved (and my son makes false allegations too....it is part of his attachment disorder, a lack of bonding with his main caregiver...we have had to work hard on this. He was not abused but had chronic pain/seizures/head aches due to a brain mass and was taken from his bio parents due to their illegal activities whenhe was 7 mo....he had one consistent and loving foster grandma until I adopted him at age 2.9). I have been accused of causing him to be as he is, yelled at in public, gotten stares, had professionals question and doubt me, etc...ugly. Happily the majority of people have been amazingly supportive and with a ton of patience and frustration, I put together a good medical team and have stayed with them for most of his life so that I have tons of back up if the legal system gets involved. I was talking to TWO moms yesterday at the concert I went to. One couldn't bring her daughter because she has had a year of issues and yesterday ended up in her daughter being very violent, throwing things at her etc. The ohter extended family member, with a daughter who is kind of Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) like but not sure...mom refused an ODD only diagnosis when she was young which hurt too much...and being from a small town, not many options for diagnosis. This girl is getting older so now the school social issues are widening...She heard what we often say here...get a neuropsychologist. evaluation instead of just a neuro. or just a psychiatric. or psychiatric evaluation....It is broader. Anyway, the point is, what we ALL three said was the big crises are rough...finding a child like you did in the bedroom, a big explosion, a huge incident in school...super hard, gets lots of attention from professionals etc... But we do as you said, pull our big girl panties up and deal with it. BUT it is the every day all day hyper-vigilance, the every minute/hour/day negotiations, trying to prevent a scene, do I take this risk or not? Having to adjust plans for everyone involved on a dime. THAT is the stressful part. Wonder if you can relate? Please know you are not alone. These are hard issues and your son is barely out of early childhood. I think you would be wise to pursue every single opportunity possible. Not only for the hope of improvement, but it lays the foundation for future support as they get bigger. Keep journals that start now (or calendar pages where you list little words or reminders of what is happening if a j ournal is too overwhelming). Blessings to you, I hope you check in and see that you are among friends. Dee [/QUOTE]
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