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Thinking about the collateral damage
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 633439" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>I said things like I was very sorry, and that he was right, and I had missed establishing the relationship with his children that I had with his sister's. </p><p></p><p>I agreed, and expressed my honest regret.</p><p></p><p>We went on to talk a little more, and had a really nice conversation. </p><p></p><p>Here is the thing: difficult child daughter lived with us, or was so irresponsible that we had to take her children more than once when they were little. </p><p></p><p>The oldest is 21, now. </p><p></p><p><em>And our son lives, and had always lived ad an adult, something like 1,300 miles away.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>But I was not looking to fight with him or even, defend myself.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>I told husband about it when he got home. He just shook his head and said something about that always being the kind of thing we hear from difficult child.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>It wasn't until I came back and reread this thread on collateral damage again that I understood my son was not talking about his kids. </em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>He was talking about himself as a kid, and what he saw, and what he needed and did not get.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>THAT is why he kept pounding away at me about it being</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Okay guys.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Got a phone call.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>On this phone which did use to post to you all. </em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Then, I had to explain to husband why this p post was so important. </em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>And now my chain of thought is blown and it's Happy Hour here so I need to go. </em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>But man, this is collateral damage. </em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>I am grateful to know what drivers my son's hatred.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Now, it can be healed.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Cedar</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em></em></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 633439, member: 17461"] I said things like I was very sorry, and that he was right, and I had missed establishing the relationship with his children that I had with his sister's. I agreed, and expressed my honest regret. We went on to talk a little more, and had a really nice conversation. Here is the thing: difficult child daughter lived with us, or was so irresponsible that we had to take her children more than once when they were little. The oldest is 21, now. [I]And our son lives, and had always lived ad an adult, something like 1,300 miles away. But I was not looking to fight with him or even, defend myself. I told husband about it when he got home. He just shook his head and said something about that always being the kind of thing we hear from difficult child. It wasn't until I came back and reread this thread on collateral damage again that I understood my son was not talking about his kids. He was talking about himself as a kid, and what he saw, and what he needed and did not get. THAT is why he kept pounding away at me about it being Okay guys. Got a phone call. On this phone which did use to post to you all. Then, I had to explain to husband why this p post was so important. And now my chain of thought is blown and it's Happy Hour here so I need to go. But man, this is collateral damage. I am grateful to know what drivers my son's hatred. Now, it can be healed. Cedar [/I] [/QUOTE]
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