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Parent Emeritus
Thinking about the collateral damage
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 633472" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Understanding that difficult child son's rage at me has anything at all to do with something good that changed, that was gone, that could never be brought back means...it means I was a good mom, once.</p><p></p><p>It means husband didn't do anything wrong. </p><p></p><p>And though I have been operating from the premise that we would both forgive, that we were both to blame for whatever toxic thing it was that we had somehow created, and that had destroyed -- well, everything that matters in a marriage...THAT WAS NEVER TRUE. (Sorry for the caps. I can't do italics on this phone. )</p><p></p><p>And throughout this whole thing with difficult child daughter, darned if difficult child son wouldn't do the same thing immediately after. And want the same kinds of help...and hate us both for it, the more we did. </p><p></p><p>And as husband and I felt all those little pieces fall into place the way they do sometimes when you finally can see something that has always been there? </p><p></p><p>Well, I don't know what to say about it, because I don't know yet where this is going to end up. </p><p></p><p>Definitely a breakthrough, though.</p><p></p><p>You know how they say we keep acting out our pain, over and over.</p><p></p><p>That is what. ..is a piece of what drives difficult child son.</p><p></p><p>Major breakthrough. </p><p></p><p>Oh hallelujah, I am done with this post and only hit the "Post Now" key by accident once.</p><p></p><p>By the time I have access to a real keyboard again? </p><p></p><p>I will have forgotten how to type. </p><p></p><p>:0)</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 633472, member: 17461"] Understanding that difficult child son's rage at me has anything at all to do with something good that changed, that was gone, that could never be brought back means...it means I was a good mom, once. It means husband didn't do anything wrong. And though I have been operating from the premise that we would both forgive, that we were both to blame for whatever toxic thing it was that we had somehow created, and that had destroyed -- well, everything that matters in a marriage...THAT WAS NEVER TRUE. (Sorry for the caps. I can't do italics on this phone. ) And throughout this whole thing with difficult child daughter, darned if difficult child son wouldn't do the same thing immediately after. And want the same kinds of help...and hate us both for it, the more we did. And as husband and I felt all those little pieces fall into place the way they do sometimes when you finally can see something that has always been there? Well, I don't know what to say about it, because I don't know yet where this is going to end up. Definitely a breakthrough, though. You know how they say we keep acting out our pain, over and over. That is what. ..is a piece of what drives difficult child son. Major breakthrough. Oh hallelujah, I am done with this post and only hit the "Post Now" key by accident once. By the time I have access to a real keyboard again? I will have forgotten how to type. :0) Cedar [/QUOTE]
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Thinking about the collateral damage
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