Thinking Disorder

TerryJ2

Well-Known Member
Would it help, if, when you ask him to vacuum, you actually walk on the floor he is going to vacuum, and say, "This carpet is what I want you to vacuum, and especially these smashed cornflakes and white and black dog hair," and touch the furniture? It works very well for us.
I have to make sure I don't use a baby-talk voice or it will really tick off my difficult child. I have to sound authoritative. Like a teacher, nice but strong, Know what I mean??
Also, g*d forbid I should accidentally say "These crumbs" and point, but not point to ALL the crumbs. I have to sweep my arm across and say, "All the crumbs. Every crumb you see in this room. And then put the vacuum cleaner away."

Even with-my easy child, I had to tell her to take the clothes out of the dryer before she put another load in the washing machine, to keep it going. You've got to wonder sometimes.
 

WSM

New Member
Here's another example:

His 'therapeutic military school' (don't worry, we are looking for an alternative for next year), on Tuesday just decided not to have school that day, they had trouble with their van.

How did we find out? Did they call us to let us know of a problem? Nope, at 10:30, my son who stayed home sick noticed his brother was sitting still sitting on the bench out front waiting for the van to pick him up. Been sitting there since 7:00 am.

difficult child stayed home from school; generally the other kids don't want to babysit him because he has to be in line of sight AT ALL TIMES, but we were desperate and Son14 was home sick anyway and agreed.

difficult child had one hour to amuse himself before I found out he was home and gave him 'seat' work that had to be done in the living room with Son14. I came home early.

husband was on a business trip to Orlando and got home last night about 8:30. It was at this point difficult child got caught having done the following in dad's absence: 1) disappeared two pairs of shoes and all his nice clothes, 2) snuck a GPS that he'd previously put in the dishwasher and which we were drying out and put it back in the dishwasher. It looked like it was going to survive the first dishwashering, it's now fried; 3) snuck $20 of the $120 husband gave him to give to his driver for transportation costs. Got a receipt back for $100 and said the driver counted wrong.

husband took him in his room and very calmly 'discussed' these things with him. husband asked him of course, why he did these things. difficult child said (once he stopped saying he didn't and he didn't know what happened to them), "Because I wanted to cause trouble".

"Why do you want to cause trouble?"

"Because I want you to leave WSM".

Now where's the logic of that? His destroying of other people's objects, stealing money and throwing away his shoes and clothes is far more likely to cause a breach in his own relationship with his father than to cause one in mine.

(he never touches my stuff or my kids' stuff, only his dad's and his little sister's. After he slipped his dad's laptop into the pool, I told him if he did it to mine, I'd not be talking to him about it or to his dad about, I'd be talking to the police. He's afraid of the police and juvvy).

I know he probably has no idea why he does this stuff except that he's EXTREMELY angry and also extremely passive and anxious, and the two combine to make him malicious and hostile and and manipulative and snneaky about it. I know he probably has no idea that he's even angry, he generally just admits to feeling very sorry for himself because he's treated so badly in life.

I know it's a waste of time to ask him why he does stuff, but when things happen, it just pops out of your mouth: "What are you thinking? Why did you do that?"

And it's worthless because he'll deny he did it, equivocate (Oh, I thought you meant...I thought you said...I thought I was supposed to...), try to portray it as tho he was innocently helping, blame someone else (Little six year old sister TOLD me she wanted to leave school at recess to go to the candy store to buy caramels that would ruin her orthodontia so I had to steal the money and take her there, I was just trying to heeeelp), or state he did it to cause trouble for others (I accused you falsely of abuse dad because I wanted you arrested).

My husband has headaches whenever he comes home, he's had a migraine level headache for over a week now and it won't go away. The headaches are feed partially by high blood pressure he has trouble keeping under control.
 
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