Thinking of you Antsmom

[saving grace]

Janet I just wanted to post and let you know that I will be thinking of you tomorrow, I know it will be very very difficult for you. I am so sorry that you have to do this. I dont know what else to say.

I will Keep Ant in my thoughts and pray that this journey in his life will lead him to a place of peace.

Hugs

Grace

 

[mum2JK&TH]

Packing a snack and some songs for the ride home with you! How many people do you think we can squeeze into your car?

 

[Sunlight]

thanks so much for thinking of me. Ant has been a horrid 4 or more days. I do have kaleb here. ant saw him a very little bit as ant is too stressed. ant called last night and told me he was getting very drunk. his phone is shut off today for non pyt. he is frantic and I am not sleeping myself. there is another warrant out for his arrest from another county for him not paying his fines for two months now. so, if he makes it to court in county A tomorrow, he will be on his way to the state pen. if the warrant catches up with him today, he will be taken to the county B jail for violation of his probation in that county. it will be a maze to unfold it all.

I am not going to take him to court. he is treating me terrible. he is barely speaking to me unless he is screaming. he called his dad to take him to court tomorrow. I am glad. I am off work tomorrow and am glad to not have to be with people. except Kaleb.

we moved most of his stuff to my house sunday. Tonight I will go to his apartment to pick up some more light things and then finish up tomorrow after he is out of the place. I will tell him goodbye tonight.

 

[Hound dog]

Janet

Sending you extra gentle ((((hugs)))) and praying hard this works out in the best way possible for Ant.

I'm glad you'll have the day to yourself tomorrow. I know this has got to be breaking your heart.

 

[hearts and roses]

{{Janet}} Thinking of you.

 

[busywend]

Janet, sending strength and comfort for you today and your tomorrows.

:sad:

 

[totoro]

Janet- hang on to the hope for Kaleb... you hang on as well, you will get through this awful time. I am once again amazed at your strength...

Sending you hugs.

 

[saving grace]

Janet as horrible as the State pen sounds one good thing is he will not be able to continue down this self destructive path while there, he may feel sorry for himself and be depressed etc.. but he will not be making it worse by drinking himself into a stuper everynight. You will be able to rest a little easier knowing that he is away from the alcohol.

Kiss Kaleb... Hug him...

Hugs to you Janet, I think its better that his dad take him

Grace

 

[Sunlight]

Jail...the lesser of two evils. sigh.
then again, I had that very thought this day. Both options are bad. ant drinking into a blackout nightly, or being in a cage 24/7.

I cannot help him. I can only be here for his son. I wanted this to all be ancient history but he is 24 now and the addiction still has him held tight. he has dug a deeper hole to climb out of. he called me a F ** * B*** the other day under his breath. sometimes I think it will make me miss him less when I hold onto the anger and disgust I have for him. but I know I will always be his mother in my heart. for now he must go to his life he made and I must trust that there is a plan somehow for him.

I cannot see the big picture. I can only do today. a friend whose own daughter is relapsing for the umpteenth time gave me this to ponder and I will hold it to heart:
2Corinthians 4-8
We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair.

 

[susiestar]

sending gentle hugs and support. I am so sorry he is being horrible to you. have a quiet and snuggly time with Kaleb if you can.

Love and hugs,

Susie

 

[flutterbee]

((((hugs)))) Janet. Thinking of you.

 

[Estherfromjerusalem]

Janet, I just wanted to send you my love and support.

I pray that Ant will finally, finally see the light and find the strength to pull himself out of this.

I am thinking of you. Hug Kaleb and hold him very tight.

You are a rock, a true warrior mom. Nobody, but nobody, could have done more than you have done. It is up to Ant now.

Love, Esther

 

[lovemysons]

Janet,
Praying that ant may learn that sobriety one day at a time must become a way of life for him. I hope he will be a part of an AA group while he is in jail/prison.

I hate that jail/prison is where so many of our addicts end up along the way. Maybe this will be the "bottom" for ant.
I will also say a prayer that he is surrounded by people, even other inmates, who can love and help him. I prayed this all the time for oldest difficult child when he was locked up. I prayed for his safety and protection...I pray the same for ant. I wrote oldest difficult child letters and even got to know one of his cell buddies and he wrote to me and even drew pictures for me, one that I framed of an angel crying. I felt some sense of peace knowing who my oldest difficult child became "friends" with while locked up.

I am sad for your "mommy heart" I know the soulful tears the prayers that come deep from within...and even when they push us away with hurtful angry words and fitful displays at some point that part of us that reaches out to remind them of how much their lives mean to us, how much they are loved, breaks through. it always does for me and I know it will for you too. We are their mom's for life no matter Where they rest their head.
Janet, that's the other thing...
When my oldest was locked up there was a "part of me" that was ALSO locked up with him. That's how I felt.

I am glad you have Kaleb and he has you.
I wish there was a way to make this easier for you the pain at times is too much.
Remember to keep reaching out for hugs and love and support.
You are and have always been a wonderful mother!

If allowed maybe some of us could be a penpal to ant.

(((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))
and loving prayers.
Tammy

 

[amstrong]

Thinking of you. Sending gentle hugs.

 

[blb]

Janet,

I'm so sorry you have to go through this again. The only shining light in this hideous situation is that you are a godsend to Kaleb. I'm sorry Ant is treating you so poorly.

 

[tpcmom]

Janet, I'm so sorry to hear how he has been to you, but it true when they say you hurt the one you love the most. I go thru that with my oldes. I wish they could both wake up and see what is becoming of their lives. One day they will wake up and be old men and have had no life, nothing to laugh about when they gather and share stories, no happy moments. Why cant they see this???? I always ask myself this every day, what is wrong with this child of mine, can't he see life is short??? But I did see my therapist today and he told me that addiction takes over their whole life and until they see this and realize that they have to take responsibility for their own life, their own actions nothing will ever change. Ant was doing so great I was so happy for you to see he was turning his life around and then bam! Right back to the start, but that is what an addicted life is, once an addict always an addict, they have to be willing to fight the addiction the rest of their lives.

I will always keep you in my prayers, you are very strong.

Bette

 

[judi]

Janet - I feel so bad for you - I just don't have words. I'm so sorry!

 

[tracy551]

Janet I've been thinking of you today also. I send all the prayers and hugs this site can carry. We can only hope while there he can get the help he's looking for. God can work in mysterious way.

 

[donna723]

Janet, I'm sending you good thoughts and lots of warm hugs too. I know how difficult this has to be for you.

Maybe the "forced abstinence" will be what it finally takes to make a difference with him, to allow him to turn that corner. I'm praying that it is. If he's going to a large State prison, he will not be "in a cage 24/7". A prison is completely different than being in a county jail. Most inmates work or go to school unless they're physically unable to. With all his construction experience, he should be able to get a pretty good job in prison that will keep him busy and give him a little spending money. All State prisons have mental health staff and almost all of them have active AA chapters and all types of religious activities. The help is there if he chooses to take advantage of it. I pray that he does and that this is the start of a whole new life for Ant.

 

[DammitJanet]

Hugs Janet...Keeping you and Kaleb in my thoughts.

I was thinking the same as Donna about the state prisons. I honestly hope if Cory gets any time they send his rear to doctor rather than county time. More programs and better conditions.