Thinking Outside the Safe Room

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by tired Cheryl, Oct 4, 2007.

  1. tired Cheryl

    tired Cheryl New Member

    Ok. The votes are in and looks like the majority is against the lock on the outside of the "safe room." Although, Meowbunny's suggestions sound very reasonable I think I will forgo any safe rooms for the time being. Lock or no lock.

    I just do not feel comfortable with it for now. Legal problems aside, I am worried that it will make difficult child worse. Neurologist was out today and for the rest of next week so, I will not be able to talk to her for awhile. For his own reasons the madder he is the more he needs me.

    So, I am trying to think of other solutions for now. I already wear ear plugs and shooting ear muffs during some of the meltdowns. Any other suggestions for blockingout noise? Guess it is time for me to join the rest of the human race and purchase and Ipod or such? LOL

    I was thinking about buying a padded suit or something for me to wear but I really do not think it is good for difficult child to strike at people. Have any of you purchased punching bags for your difficult children?
    Maybe I can get a nerf bat or similar?
    What about trampolines? Any success using those?

    I will still explore the idea of "safe room" with neuro but need to see it all in writing first. Also, want to give new medications a chance. That being said, if difficult child draws blood or really injures me or himself maybe I should take photos to document? If he were older I guess I would have to all the cops? I hope that we get in under control without these measures!

    husband and I had disagreement regarding me limiting taking difficult child in public-once again I am overreacting and stupid, etc. GRRRRRR
    So, despite getting zero sleep today he took difficult child with him. difficult child was not happy with this and started melting down immediately (if it had been his idea or if he had to go with me it would have been a different story.) Well they did fine (I think.)

    difficult child's meltdowns do not escalate with husband like they do with me for several reasons. First of all fathers are WAY better at ignoring everthing and the kids know this.
    Also, there is the physical aspect. I am 5'3" and weigh 100lbs, husband is 6'3" and weighs 220lbs. He can just pick difficult child up (weighs 38 lbs) with no problem and MAKE IT HAPPEN when I cannot.

    In my profession I work with animals and admit that I deal with a raging Chihuahua much differenly than I do a 75lb dog or 1200lb horse.
    Not that I manhandle the Chihuahua but, I can pick them up, move them, etc and also the risk of inury is so much smaller.

    difficult child is already very strong (especially when in a rage)and weighs quite a bit. I physically cannot manage him the way that husband can.
    He has thrown stuff at his dad twice but that is the extent of his physical anger towards him. As posted before, he has been very physically aggressive with other adults though.

    Thanks for listening and for all of the great advice!
  2. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts


    Sorry to hear that husband is struggling with your limitations when you're alone with difficult child. The reality is most of our little wonders act out more around mum. husband's just don't get the same "antics", if you will.

    I'm glad that you're not going with the safe room at this point. husband & I have considered it more than you can imagine. It's a route we chose not to go because of the tweedles sensory issues.

    We learned that in the midst of a meltdown, our best move was to sit in a rocking chair & just rock. If kt or wm tolerated it, we will hum a calming tune - mostly just the rocking.

    kt centers herself on that motion when in a meltdown. Her meltdowns are shorter.

    I mention this because I see the diagnosis of Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) in your little guy's list of diagnosis's. It's something to consider. I can't imagine being in a world of sensations & not knowing how to process them. The stimulation of fluroscent lights, people walking & talking, etc, in a mall is a bit too much for me. Someone with Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) must truly be overshelmed.

    Try rocking, humming softly during your difficult children next meltdown. See if it makes a difference. If not your not out anything.

    Keeping fingers crossed that things are calmer today.
  3. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat


    I am just thinking out loud. I could be so way off, but I am just musing to come up with ideas.

    Do you have a spare room, that you could make a "safe room" safe, I mean leave all soft, cuddly, lovey things that difficult child likes in it. You could remove the door.

    The point would not be to contain him. The point would be to give him a safe place to get out his anger. You could even be in there with him.

    I have not given my daughter a punching bag (although the idea has crossed my mind) but what I am trying to impress on her is that while it is OK to be angry, it is not always OK for her to act the way she does. She tends to bang her head into the walls and do other things that I am afraid will hurt her. So I just recently started setting the example of punching pillows or slamming them onto the mattress. During her "come down" time she has cuddlys to hold.

    Maybe this has been suggested already, and if so, sorry for being repetitive. In my daughter's case, I DO close the door. I don't have a lock, nor do I need one at this time, but just closing the door cuts down on the noise. Your boy is much younger so keeping it open is probably a definite.

    Anyways, maybe you can take something from this.