Third door now breaking because of my son....

[Confused]

Well, his closet doors haven't been on in a couple or more years because he kicked them,slammed them,(sliding doors) and now he has broken his bedroom door off a few days ago. He is know locking himself in the bathroom in the bathroom kicking and pounding that door in too. He also pulls the door from the hinges when mad,knowing the screws will loosen and it can come off. He is mad at the moment because we asked him to "please move your toys so we can get passed" well he said in a mean voice" oh you want me to move it this stays here so I can clean my mess" well, he has trashed the kitchen, living,bathroom and his bedroom floor. Toys,books,papers, food everywhere! I cant even tell you how many times I have cleaned it in just one day!!!!! So being desperate and not wanting to fight with him I said" Ok, honey, leave that there until your done picking up and as soon as your done, please move it" He said "OK" and took a baseball part ( plastic tube to connect to the base) and started thrashing it around violently moving the junk on the floor around the room,hitting the walls, chasing his sister. Thats it, so I said calmly but firmly" No, that's not what you do and proceeded to take it from his nicely" He ran to the couch swinging almost hitting my glass gerbil tank. As I took it away, I said you almost hit and broke the tank... he said I don't care ran to the bathroom and it began. He is really getting angry over anything.

I wish I knew if he really understands how he should act, if he does this just because he mad and has a temper= his way or the highway? Can he control it, or does he lose control and honestly cant stop, or understand how to? Does he know right from wrong, is he lazy, is there something Im missing? Something he is missing? I know bored kids can do this, I play with him, he plays outside, with other kids etc. I know you all said get that other book "what the explosive child is trying to tell you", Tuesday it will be in .. I don't know what happened to the other I had. I also get the camcorders!

Its like I tell him and show him over and over again about water near electrical outlets/fish tank's and carpets. He will not stop pouring water near there, and he will get mad and just pour the cup upside own slowly and say "see , you made me do it, or its her fault. He ripped his blinds down and blamed his sister.. she did it her fault! But yet, when he calms down, he says, "she made me do it" ????

Im clearing out their rooms of everything but the beds and dressers, ok they will have their clothes of course. Im done with them not picking up ,not going to bed or getting up, all the arguing. So they will have to earn it back one at a time. They have a lot of stuff, so I will donate and pack most of it. I did this once before and it sort of worked... but those violent tantrums were constant for a few days! I will do this Tuesday when they go back to school. Then they can tell me once again .. "to stay out of their room" "Stay of their life" "Im the worst parent ever" Im no good" Im a loser and fat"" Daddy is better" Why am I so mean"" Why do I hate them" (I make them shower, help clean their mess, study, basic stuff, oh limit or cut all electronics when behind in subjects or in trouble etc, clothes and whatever they need) They need new school shoes again and will I go take them in a public place? NO! I will buy the shoes Tuesday, and if they are to small or big I will go back to change them while they are in school. Sad isnt it? Its gotten to the point I dont want to go in public because its my son not listening at all, tantrums at times and wanting everything, and my daughter throws a fit if I dont buy her a dozen shoes and movies/games!!! I wills shop in peace. Still working on getting help, but they keep saying its all my fault! Of course some is, Im not perfect, I wil admit! But Im ok!

Thanks for listening once again.... Hugs to all and hope you all are ok....

 

[KTMom91]

Hugs...been there done that. Is there any way you could "go on strike?" Since you're supposed to stay out of their lives and all, that means no cooking, no laundry, nothing to help them in any way because you're doing as they asked? Had to do that with Miss KT and also with Son #1, who got angry about something and told Hubby to "forget me, forget my birthday, forget you even have a son," and then was surprised and even more ticked when Hubby did exactly that. His birthday was about two days after his fit, and he was NOT pleased when Hubby reminded him of his statements.

Like that health insurance commercial says...sometimes you just gotta pull the plug. I do understand how difficult it is, it goes against your mom instincts, but it was very effective with Miss KT, who quickly learned that not behaving in a civilized fashion meant she had to figure things out herself, and she didn't want to do that. I believe strongly in logical consequences, like losing the bedroom door after she tore it off the hinges and threw it at me. Being rude to Mama meant she was stuck making her own mac n cheese.

 

[Tiapet]

When my difficult children would tell me I'm being mean or what not I'd just simply tell them good, then I'm doing my job right as a parent. I'd just repeat that over and over each time they'd say that. It stopped after a while as they didn't like hearing it. Now that they are teens I hear other things that are worse but I seem to come up with something at times. Ignoring a lot of what they say most often and never taking it personally. It really can help.

I've also had to take doors off hinges and remove everything from rooms. I've brought beds down to the floor (no frames) even. I've taken dressers out and left an outfit of clothes just for the day (in fact I left no clothes in the room and they had to get it from me when younger). It's tough but as a parent you can be tougher then them and tougher then you think you can, trust me.

Hang tight, you're doing good. I hope help comes soon for you.

 

[InsaneCdn]

If he's got that much stuff that he can make that much of a mess... then maybe he's got TOO much stuff. Not as in too much for some kids, but too much for him. Some kids can only handle having a TOTAL of 2 or 3 options... including (if you allow it) the computer counting as one. That leaves... one cuddle toy, and one other. End of discussion. Change once a month, or once a week, or even once a day (your choice, and your timing). Maybe he just has too much choice?

 

[DammitJanet]

I was going to say he has too much too. We had to strip rooms and keep their stuff in our room too. If they want to be nasty...be nastier. If I had a dime for every time I was told that I was making their life horrible I would be rich right now. I always told them I was giving them something to tell their therapists. You do know that all you have to give a kid is a mattress on the floor, a blanket and a pillow, a change of clothes that fit, and food that you choose. Not what they like. Cereal works. PBJ is fine or a bologna sandwich. Water is a perfectly fine drink. They dont need access to tv or computers or even radios.

If he is going to kick the bathroom door like that, I wouldnt allow him in the bathroom alone. He has lost that privilege. You might even consider taking the bathroom door off and putting up a sheet to give others privacy while they are in there.

 

[susiestar]

I am another mom who tells my child that saying I am mean tells me that I am doing my job right. When they got to be about 8 and wanted to know why I wasn't wanting to be their bff instead of being a mean mommy, I told them (and still do when needed) that they will have a lot of bffs and other friends, but they only have one mom and it is important that I do the job right so that they grow up to be contributing members of society. They dont' like it when they are angry, but they do understand the rest of the time. ANd they like to be able to tell friends that they "can't" do somethng because I would kill them or make their lives a living hades. It is the "get out of jail free" card for peer pressure - esp as most of their friends like me but know that I will do what I say I will, and that I can be very very creative when it comes to consequences.

If he is going to dump cups of water, then he needs to have sippy cups with the valves in them and he can only have them right by you. He is going to get seriously hurt and possibly seriously hurt other people if he keeps playing iwth water near electrical cords/plugs. This is a safety issue and not one you can play around with. I would go and buy ONE or maybe 2 sippy cups and they would be kept locked in my room when clean. He would get ONE with a drink in it and it has to stay within 2 feet of me until he can be safe with it. if he wants a drink he can come to you. The rest of the family will have to keep their drinks with them when he is home and not leave them sitting around - even you have to follow this. I would probably figure a way to keep him locked out of the bathrooms and kitchen so that he can't go and get water to do this because it is such a huge safety risk.

Do you have any evaluations scheduled? have you sent a certified letter to the school asking for them to do complete testing on him? by six most kids are well able to use cups appropriately and they know they are not allowed to pour it on the floor or anywhere but the sink. If he doesn't grasp this, is there some cognitive delay?

This is the 6yo, right? he can claim it is the man in the moon's fault, but he did it so he gets the consequence - and that needs to be it for the big things. in my opinion the water is a big things and he is doing it to upset you and because it is fun to get a rise out of someone or see you get so worried or to see someone fall in the water. Does he do that at school? (the water pouring/playing thing?) or is it saved for home only?

I generally don't make exceptions for my kids on basic things because they have to do these things to function and most kids CAN do them and understand why not to dump the liquid.

I would strip the room of everything but the mattress, bottom sheet, pillow, ceiling light and their lovey if at all possible. The lovey, a favorite teddy bear or blanket or whatever, was the ONE things we NEVER took away as a punishment. It was the one thing they latched onto as a baby and still have. the only time we ever took a lovey away was when Wiz was taking the winder off of his teddy bear (it played a song) and using it to try to hurt his sister by gouging her with it, and when thank you tried to use his blankie to jump off of things. This was a short removal (a day for thank you, couple for Wiz) and they still got it back at night when they were going to sleep.

 

[TerryJ2]

{{Hugs}}
Yes, strip the room. We've still only got a mattress in difficult child's room, and his dresser and bookcases. Somehow, things gravitate there and it gets messy again. But the fewer things there are to break, the better. Taking off the door will save you $, too, since you can put it back on in a few yrs.

 

[buddy]

I have no door knobs on our bathrooms and Q does not have one on his bedroom door. He would baracade himself in and pile his stuff up against the door so I took all the fun out of that. He will pound on the doors once in a while but it took everything down to a manageable level. I would remove the doors too if he started breaking the hinges.

oh, Q finally woke up... it is 11:21. guess computer time is all done..... Sorry it is such a rough time... I will check in later.