This board gives a lot

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by crazymama30, May 27, 2008.

  1. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    but sometimes you reap what you sow. I do not reply to many posts, I just do not know what to say. I do not get a lot of replies to my posts, but that goes to the above. It is ok. I find comfort in reading, in learning about what others do and are going through. I know that I am not alone, that there is really something wrong with difficult child, it is not just me and it is not all my fault.

    Sometimes when I post I am so emotional that I am sure my posts do not make much sense, and I wish I could explain myself better. Sometimes I just cannot convey my idea in text, it is just too much.

    There are times I have been discouraged because I have not gotten many replies on my posts, but I got over it and chose to remain a semi active member here. There are some I feel closer to than others, but that is relevelant in all areas of life.

    I guess in view of a previous post I just felt I had to say something, but did not want the post to be in a negative light, just a realistic one. I am not bashing the board and its members, and am sorry if anyone percieves it as such. This is a good place, and I have never felt purposefully hurt by the members here.
     
  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Well, I don't reply to a ton of posts either. Sometimes I don't know what to say, but for the most part I don't have alot of time to spend on the board these days. So I pick several if I can and answer them. I'd like to answer them all, I just can't.

    I don't let myself get discouraged by the amt of replies to any of my posts. Replies can depend on the time of day, if it's a weekend, holiday, all sorts of things. Silly to get upset about it.

    However, I don't like to see a post go unanswered either. If I spot one, I will reply even if it's just to offer a hug. I don't think any post should be ignored or completely "missed". We have enough members that someone's post should receive a reply.

    hugs
     
  3. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    If I can relate to something -- whether through practical experience, sympathy/empathy, or getting my funnybone tickled -- then I usually reply. I don't read every post because sometimes the subject line doesn't make a connection for me. Or I don't have time. Or I might read the post, but just don't have the emotional energy to reply the way I want to.

    Lots of different reasons for as many different people as there are on this board.

    As they say on another board I frequent, "Take what you need and leave the rest!" That's why we're all here.
     
  4. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    CM,

    There have been so many members come & go; then there are the people who have been here forever. Add in the newbies & for me things get a bit chaotic.

    I'm sorry if you feel a bit neglected, for lack of a better term. I try to get to as many threads as I can each morning; I respond to threads with which I have knowledge & feel I can contribute.

    There have been times when I've rec'd one response to a thread & others when there have been many. I know many times it's because of the timing of my post or it's because the parent here just don't know how to respond to the tweedles many antics. I just feel good having a place to come & vent, whine, scream, laugh & cry. Knowing I won't be judged & told what a bad parent I am.

    As gcvmom said, take what you need & leave the rest. But also remember one of Fran's favorite quotes "give to get". The more you contribute the more people will recognize you & remember what is going on with your difficult child & your entire household.
     
  5. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    Not sure what post you are relating too, but if it was something over this past week, please realize that the board was extremely slow and it was a holiday weekend...one that came upon on everyone very quickly.

    Everyone has a post that's been out there, where they've only received a few responses too. Sometimes that particular post is something vague or people don't exactly know what to say or if there are other busier posts, it just gets moved on down and to the second page.

    Another reason that it may slide down is if you post and then don't respond to the posters that do respond. I've seen that over and over.
     
  6. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Crazymama! I understand where you're coming from! Here's a list of "why's" that I have for not replying to a post:

    1. 3 difficult child's
    2. 3 difficult child's home
    3. 3 difficult child's schools calling
    4. husband (that also adds to 5,6, & 7!)
    8. I'm just soooo aggravated that I've written my response 3 times and it just doesn't come out right
    9. Trying to research info. on the latest and greatest goings on for treatments
    10. countless hours arguing with Mental Health "Professionals" that use my oldest as a test case (Mom: if you do this, this will happen. Therapist/School/Psychiatrist: let's try it and see if he really WILL meltdown!)

    11. I'm just feeling too stupid that day
    12. My dog died
    13. PMS/Perimenopausal
    14. My younger sister is in bad shape
    15. My family is driving me crazy

    Holy Crap! Do you guys realize that I gain MORE sanity from this board than I do anywhere else?

    I've posted and gotten very few responses. Sometimes it's just cathartic to write it down and clear my head.

    I'm also a little sporatic as far as having a chance to sit down at the computer, but as soon as I do, I'm on here checking up on my "family"!

    I hope that people feel a little better with reading your thread. Sometimes it takes a little reminding for me to make sure a simple "hugs" as a reply is as good as a 700 line response! lol

    Beth
     
  7. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    timerlady, I did not mean to feel that I feel neglected, I just meant that the amount of replies varies. I myself do not always reply, for reasons like nvts stated. It is ok, and if we like the community we get over it.
     
  8. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I can't possibly be alone in my feelings, but as a parent of a difficult child, married to a slight difficult child and being an ex-difficult child, having several extended family members who are either difficult child or just plain crazy....I think I am at risk for 'reading' into things too much at times. I have posted a time or two and then gone back and either deleted it or thanked God that it had slipped off the front page.....mainly on days when I'm feeling blue, ignored, or just plain cruddy.

    I enjoy reading everyone's posts. I will admit that I pretty much stay on the PE or Watercooler boards, however I do sometimes pop onto other boards if I see something in particular.

    I don't post to every thread, obviously, for if I did, I'd be on the board all the time, right? We all know how that is.

    But, I will scan the threads and if I see one that hasn't been responded to I will try and just send some support.

    Sometimes all a person needs is to know that they've been heard and it matters.

    Not all who post are looking for advice or words of wisdom - sometimes they just need to have their feelings validated and to feel as if at least one person out there understands.

    I love this board for it's diverse group of members. We all come from different walks of life, backgrounds and exist in all sorts of situations; and we're spread out all over the world - How cool is that? I love that! Each person brings his/her unique perspective and level of support and that's what keeps things thriving.
     
  9. Fran

    Fran Former Site Owner

    CM, this may be incredibly silly but for me as a mom with a few years on me, I have a hard time keeping all the members straight who have Mom, mama,mother etc in their sign on name. There are so many that it is difficult for me to remember their stories.
    I went from answering most posts to stepping back because as my time gets shorter I have a harder time remembering who is who. Sounding stupid comes to me naturally but I try to not respond if I don't remember all the facts and will really be stupid.

    I love the members here. You guys are incredibly supportive and heroes in my eyes. I'd hate to think something as superficial as my not responding would make anyone think that I didn't care.
     
  10. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I went back and found a recent note from you on General and responded to it. I had not seen it at all b4. On my screen, the notes that have recently been responded to and a newly written stay at the top. Older notes or those with-older reponses go to the 2nd page. The note I found from you was at the bottom of the 1st page so I just missed it.

    I've had notes that I deleted because I felt they were silly or, better yet, that I had a problem and just writing it down clarified it for me and I didn't need the input, after all. But sometimes it feels good just to have the cyberhugs and validation.

    If you have written any notes in reg to your difficult child's medications, I would most likely have skipped them because I don't know anything about those medications. I would just offer support.
     
  11. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Fran...you took the words right out of my mouth. :)

    Abbey
     
  12. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Sometimes I don't post or reply because:

    I am hanging out eating Fine chocolates and watching daytime TV
    I am on vacation
    I just don't care
    The post seemed trivial
    My concerns are more important
    My POSTS are more important
    My children are SO much worse than yours
    Most of you probably shouldn't even be posting here and should just start parenting....


    Okay now the real reason why some of the time I am not here and MY post are long winded or dumb!!!

    My medications are not working...
    My medications are working TOO well...
    K's medications are not working
    K is on a new medication
    K is in the middle of attacking me
    husband is out of town, again.
    I am in the middle of packing, yuck.
    I am holed up in the closet with a glass of wine and a gallon of ice cream and I can't get internet reception in here.
    Nothing I say makes sense when I read it over again... I feel dumb.
    I feel like I have nothing to say...

    But in the end I know I do and I know those of you who have come back more than once do care... we do the best we can, with what we have.
    We need to go easy on ourselves and each other.
    CM, you have always given me great advice. You don't need to be here all of the time, I don't think that is one of the rules? Just be here when you can.
    I will post to anyone if I have something to say... I don't care if they have NEVER contributed. I am like a dumpster, I take it all. A fancy dumpster.
     
  13. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I'm glad that you started this post. I also have no clue about neuropsychologist testing or medications or IEPs because those (unfortunately) were not things that we did with L or M. We did do a lot of behavioral therapy with M, a lot of talk therapy, so I have an opinion on those things that I feel qualified to share.

    The thing I feel best about the people on the board is when we move on from the quivering bundle of nerves that brought us here to the people who are sympathetic and offer advice to others about what we have learned. You know then that they have been helped here.

    The "soft place to land" thing and I are begrudging friends. Just as we do with our children, we want to console and heal those of us who came here with the acute injuries of raising the difficult children. And just as we do with our children, the goal is that people will become strong enough to spread their wings and fly on their own again. Otherwise they are crippled and we are more of a crutch than a cure. If they stick around and help, that's wonderful. If they fly on in full recovery, that's great too. If they come back for a boost from time to time, that's alright, but they have to realize that their story won't be fresh in our minds, and many of the people who were here before are gone as well.


    Just my .02.
     
  14. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    I think it makes sense that most folks just come on sporadically during the day. There are too many posts here to reply to all of them, most of them or even many of them.
    So, one picks and choses...usually based on a topic that resonates. You might have experience or knowledge in an area. I too have had a recent post or two with little or no response. If viewers see that, it might be nice to make a special effort to respond to a lone post if you can think of an appropriate response. I think this is a nice place to get support and it is very nice when responses are kind and/or helpful. It's also healthy to thank people who have offered unusually good advice.

    Personally, I don't expect folks to remember my story...but of course it is heartwarming when they do. I also think it is fine when people move on and also fine if they chose to stay. Everyone is an individual and we all have our own support systems or lack of systems. I think the key word(s) to look for and think about is "help" and "helpful." Can posting here get you some help and when you respond are you being potentially helpful? This is what I think the bottom line should be.
     
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