This cant be happening... I need your support

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by saving grace, Sep 17, 2007.

  1. saving grace

    saving grace New Member

    Hi friends

    difficult child's girlfriend is pregnant, she is 16 weeks!! and says she just found out. apparently she has been taking the pill for 3 months and thought she didnt get her period because of the pill. They want to terminate the pregnancy, I am sick to my stomach, I havent stopped crying, I dont know what to say to him. She is only 18 years old. I know that neither one of them is anywhere near capable of taking care of a baby but 16 weeks??!!!
    I dont know how to process this, I am sooo against this.
    Please help me

    grace
     
  2. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    Oh, I'm so sorry you are going thru this. Would they consider putting the baby up for adoption? I think I would check out agencies where you live that could help them with adoption. They may be "in shock" right now and if given a path to follow would not terminate the pregnancy....
     
  3. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    At 16 weeks, in most states, it's not legal, is it?

    At this point, it's their decision and there is nothing that you can do but wait and see. Don't get yourself sick over this. I hope this give difficult child the means to step up and be the man that you want him to be.
     
  4. saving grace

    saving grace New Member

    I have asked them if they considered ALL options, they said they dont want to have it. The clinics that I have looked at online tonight say that they will do them up to 18 weeks and 6 days.
    I would be willing myself to care for the baby, I am 39 infertile and have been considering adoption myself for a few years now. But I know that its a bad idea. My son can barely take care of himself. They have other options this is what they want. I am devestated. I feel bad for them and I am angry at them all at the same time, I dont want to make them feel worse than they do but at the same time, I feel like they dont know what they are doing.

    Grace
     
  5. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Well, it's pretty not fair that our bodies are capable of making babies LONG before our minds are ready to handle the responsibility.

    I am sorry that you are hurting over this. But it is their decision. And their responsibility.
     
  6. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Hi Grace

    Breathe, breathe....breathe. It will be alright.

    Partial Birth abortion is not legal in MA except for rape and incest. Neither apply here.

    Also her parents would have to consent to the procedure and she would attend a class that would show her what a 16 week old fetus looks like. 24 hours later she would/if possible have the abortion. At 16 weeks does she even KNOW what a baby looks like?

    Have you talked to her parents? Offered suggestions? Do you have any real suggestions or thoughts? This really hit you quick so maybe everyone just needs to take a moment and sort out viable options. Maybe in her mind 16 weeks isn't a life, but by law the fetus has rights.

    I hope something can be worked out for everyone's sake.

    Many hugs and prayers for you all.
     
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Im sorry you are hurting. This is something that effects everyone and is so hard to go through. Ultimately it is their decision. Hopefully it is one that they think through carefully because it will last a lifetime.
     
  8. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Hugs for whatever your family decides.
     
  9. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Grace, please accept my apologies, I did not read the post all the way through. I missed how far along she is. That really makes it dangerous.

    I am SO sorry you are going through this. I wish I had advice. I will keep everyone involved in my prayers.
     
  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Star, while I agree with you on some points the mother to be in question here is a legal adult...she is 18. Her parents do not have to be consulted just as Grace does not have to be consulted because her son is the father.

    While living in an ideal world it would be lovely if abortions never happened, unfortunately they do. Grace says they are legal in MA up until a certain time. Im assuming she has her dates correct. It is not a "nice" subject but it isnt one for any of us to pass judgment on....or at least that is my opinion.

    I feel so horrible for everyone involved here. The young couple has got to be scared and panicked. The families will be mourning a child they will never know. Nothing about this is good but it may be the best of a really bad situation if they truly feel they cant take any other options.

    Its not the choice for everyone but it is a choice.
     
  11. guest3

    guest3 Guest

    prayers and hugs. Take comfort that the Lord loves this baby and will love and accept it regardless of their decision.

    I gently suggest that you do not pressure them or it will backfire. This comes from experience with working with teen moms, and I also was one. Hopefully her parents have her in counseling. How does you son feel about it?

    PM me if you need a shoulder
     
  12. saving grace

    saving grace New Member

    BigBad no apologies necessery.

    Yes, she is legal, she is a mess, my son is a mess. He told me that she has decided to talk to her mother, she hasnt told her. I guess they had an appointment.. in the morning but she will talk to her mother first. I think she needs some guidance even though she is 18 she is still so young. My son is so sad. I am sad. I dont know what to say or do for them, I dont know what I want them to do, I have a fine list of pros and cons for each of the choices they could make.
    My son is a drug addict. He has just started to get his life together. Why now? girlfriend just went this morning with her mother to interview at a cosmotology school. why now?

    I am going to take a sleeping pill and try to get some sleep.

    Grace
     
  13. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Hugs. I am so sorry. I hope that whatever happens is something that you can all live with. It is especially hard on you because you have been wanting a child and cannot have one without adopting.

    I am so sorry. Please remember that we are all here for you.

    Susie
     
  14. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Gentle hugs and prayers.
     
  15. goldenguru

    goldenguru New Member

    Hi Grace~

    I'm so sorry. I know how hard this is. I have just been down this road with my own daughter who got pregnant at 17.

    First off ... give everyone a few days to assimilate this news. You are all in shock. Your heads will clear in a few days.

    Second ... get in touch with a Crisis Pregnancy Service center in your area. They will provide objective information about the choices that are available to your son and his girlfriend. I agree that this is their choice ... but they need to make an INFORMED choice. They need to understand all that is in front of them.

    Third ... you all will survive this. It is not easy. And whatever they decide they will need a lot of love and support. You will need a lot of love and support.

    If I can offer anything please don't hesitate to contact me.

    God will make a way.
     
  16. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    This is a tough topic.

    You have a right to your pain.

    They have a right to make whatever choice they want.

    It is all so emotional and painful for all parties. I am so sorry for you all.

    The best thing to suggest is for you all to support each other. Emotionally and mentally through this process. No matter if it lasts 2 weeks or 6 months. If you can start off the conversations with 'let's all support each other and not judge any persons opinions or thoughts.' I think that will be helpful to anyone that is feeling pain or is uncomfortable with the final decision.
     
  17. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Grace

    I'm so sorry you're going thru this pain. But as you said both kids are legal adults. Not much you can do except attempt to give them some advice on the matter and maybe see if you can get them to speak with someone knowledgable before they make the decision.

    You said you'd be willing to take the child. Run thru your mind all that would entail, even if you adopted it legally, pros and cons if both parents consented.

    When Nichole became pregnant b/f had convinced her to abort the baby. Knowing it was against everything Nichole was ever taught and believed herself, I put a stop to it by refusing to consent since she was under 18. I knew that later, when all was said and done, Nichole would never have been able to live with her decision. I'd have been devistated and worried sick if I hadn't had the power to overrule her decision.

    Sending many heartfelt hugs and saying prayers.

    (((hugs)))
     
  18. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    grace, perhaps their first thought is to make this go away.

    remind them that you will be there to help. remind them they have other options:
    most lawyers can find someone who will pay for the entire pregnancy and arrange the adoption.

    you want the baby.
    they can still go to school etc.

    can she be taken for a ultrasound test so she can see the baby and know it is not just a blob in there?
     
  19. KFld

    KFld New Member

    This is a tough topic.

    You have a right to your pain.

    They have a right to make whatever choice they want.

    It is all so emotional and painful for all parties. I am so sorry for you all.

    The best thing to suggest is for you all to support each other. Emotionally and mentally through this process. No matter if it lasts 2 weeks or 6 months. If you can start off the conversations with 'let's all support each other and not judge any persons opinions or thoughts.' I think that will be helpful to anyone that is feeling pain or is uncomfortable with the final decision.


    I think this says it best. It is a sad and tough situation for all of you. I remember when I found out wingnut was pregnant and how I felt.

    No, they are not ready for this responsibility and there are options. They have to choose what they are going to be able to live with. Hopefully what ever they choose in the end, you will be comfortable with.
     
  20. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    My sister aborted her child after I'd offered to raise it if she gave birth. There is nothing you can do if the girl is eighteen. I try not to judge people--I have stones of my own. Remember that any decisions they make are theirs not yours and that you have done all you can--you offered the child a home. When all is said and done, it's one of those "let go, let God" situations, in my opinion. It's not within your control and you shouldn't take on any emotional burden in this mess. (((Hugs)))
     
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