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This is a freaking soap opera
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 608395" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Keep it up. Good work. Your son is acting like a spoiled child who isn't getting his way and you will eventuallyl stop giving him money as his demands are ridiculous and very childish. "If you don't give me the candy, I'm gonna scream and tell everyone in the store you're a mean mom." The reason you feel bad is not because it's the wrong thing to do, but because you're really not used to this defiant part of your son. You always let him do whatever he wanted and funded him too so he was nice to you. It was to his advantage to be nice to you. It hurts when our kids aren't nice to us, but, heck, you allow more than any parent I know would allow in her own house. Now maybe it IS different on the West coast. Here in the old fashion Midwest, those games would pretty much not exist...few parents allow boyfriends/girlfriends THAT ARE A MESS to LIVE in their homes with their grown children who have no jobs. Think about it. Your son is "playing" you. Manipulating you.</p><p></p><p>Welcome to difficult child-ism...lol. It's a soap opera until we turn off the television and stop the drama. It will take time, but you will probably learn the damage we all do to ourselves and our children by giving in to these defiant, childish adult kids who are used to getting their own way and think we owe them money even if they disrespect us and treat us like garbage. Beware of the upcoming "I love you, Mommy" which is another attempt to get you to fund the motel since this didn't work. Or the "I hate you" which is an attempt to make you so insanely upset that you give into anything he wants.</p><p></p><p>The only way this can be a soap opera is if you let it be one. A better method, in my humble opinion, is not to engage him, not to sound ambivalent, not to be so lenient, a nd not to even talk to him about it. It's a done deal and if he wants to argue, you have somewhere you have to go or he has somewhere you want HIM to go <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> My advice is to stop the soap opera, stop the long explanations, and only allow him home if he is going to stop arguing and be respectful. It will likely get worse and worse as you show your hand and stick to your guns. He is used to getting his own way, even as an adult. </p><p></p><p>If you keep giving him money, he is going to keep acting like a little boy. You are treating him like a boy who still relies on you to fund him. How's that job coming? </p><p></p><p>You and only you have the power to stop the drama. You can't stop HIM from TRYING to create drama, but you have the power to put an end to it by stating your mind ONCE and then sticking to it and not listening to him whine. It's up to you. When my son starts being abusive to me, he knows I will hang up on him. Then sometimes he calls me ten times in a row, but I won't pick up. Thus the drama that may have been....isn't. Do I feel bad? Lots of times for short periods of time, but it gets easier and easier and when Son calls again the next day (he doesn't get to talk to me that day if he is disrespectful) he is usually very respectful for a while. My son is 35. Do you want your son to still be a Drama Queen at 35? Try not engaging him. Try not handing him money "for a new start." He is not going to use it the way you want him to. For all you know, he is buying drugs with that money, even if it only for his girlfriend. I'm still not convinced he isn't using drugs himself. Birds of a feather stick together.</p><p></p><p>Take care and remember it's a learning process. You are learning fast that your son isn't this really nice kid. He's a manipulative adult who could not handle the kindness of an open house with few rules and still thinks he doesn't have to follow any rules. He could land in jail with this attitude. The world will not think he is lovable and will treat him the same way others get treated. Your son is spoiled and entitled and not at all ambitious like his sisters and needs different handling.</p><p></p><p>Hugs <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> I know it's hard.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 608395, member: 1550"] Keep it up. Good work. Your son is acting like a spoiled child who isn't getting his way and you will eventuallyl stop giving him money as his demands are ridiculous and very childish. "If you don't give me the candy, I'm gonna scream and tell everyone in the store you're a mean mom." The reason you feel bad is not because it's the wrong thing to do, but because you're really not used to this defiant part of your son. You always let him do whatever he wanted and funded him too so he was nice to you. It was to his advantage to be nice to you. It hurts when our kids aren't nice to us, but, heck, you allow more than any parent I know would allow in her own house. Now maybe it IS different on the West coast. Here in the old fashion Midwest, those games would pretty much not exist...few parents allow boyfriends/girlfriends THAT ARE A MESS to LIVE in their homes with their grown children who have no jobs. Think about it. Your son is "playing" you. Manipulating you. Welcome to difficult child-ism...lol. It's a soap opera until we turn off the television and stop the drama. It will take time, but you will probably learn the damage we all do to ourselves and our children by giving in to these defiant, childish adult kids who are used to getting their own way and think we owe them money even if they disrespect us and treat us like garbage. Beware of the upcoming "I love you, Mommy" which is another attempt to get you to fund the motel since this didn't work. Or the "I hate you" which is an attempt to make you so insanely upset that you give into anything he wants. The only way this can be a soap opera is if you let it be one. A better method, in my humble opinion, is not to engage him, not to sound ambivalent, not to be so lenient, a nd not to even talk to him about it. It's a done deal and if he wants to argue, you have somewhere you have to go or he has somewhere you want HIM to go :) My advice is to stop the soap opera, stop the long explanations, and only allow him home if he is going to stop arguing and be respectful. It will likely get worse and worse as you show your hand and stick to your guns. He is used to getting his own way, even as an adult. If you keep giving him money, he is going to keep acting like a little boy. You are treating him like a boy who still relies on you to fund him. How's that job coming? You and only you have the power to stop the drama. You can't stop HIM from TRYING to create drama, but you have the power to put an end to it by stating your mind ONCE and then sticking to it and not listening to him whine. It's up to you. When my son starts being abusive to me, he knows I will hang up on him. Then sometimes he calls me ten times in a row, but I won't pick up. Thus the drama that may have been....isn't. Do I feel bad? Lots of times for short periods of time, but it gets easier and easier and when Son calls again the next day (he doesn't get to talk to me that day if he is disrespectful) he is usually very respectful for a while. My son is 35. Do you want your son to still be a Drama Queen at 35? Try not engaging him. Try not handing him money "for a new start." He is not going to use it the way you want him to. For all you know, he is buying drugs with that money, even if it only for his girlfriend. I'm still not convinced he isn't using drugs himself. Birds of a feather stick together. Take care and remember it's a learning process. You are learning fast that your son isn't this really nice kid. He's a manipulative adult who could not handle the kindness of an open house with few rules and still thinks he doesn't have to follow any rules. He could land in jail with this attitude. The world will not think he is lovable and will treat him the same way others get treated. Your son is spoiled and entitled and not at all ambitious like his sisters and needs different handling. Hugs :) I know it's hard. [/QUOTE]
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