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This is a jerky question, but is there somewhere to look to see what counts as abuse?
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 355768" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>The law will vary from place to place. So frankly, don't ever assume anything.</p><p></p><p>For example, we went on holiday to NZ just as they brought in a "no smacking" law. That law still stands. If we had been seen smacking difficult child 3 while we were there, we could have found ourselves being prosecuted.</p><p></p><p>With this sort of problem behaviour, I always let the punishment fit the crime. I' not sure what I would do for 'indecent exposure' and frankly, you didn't have time to think of anything creative. If he had been older (such as an adult male) then laughing at it would work. Or saying, "That reminds me, I have to buy toothpicks on the way home."</p><p>But a child?</p><p></p><p>Short of saying, "Put it away, it's not anything to be proud of," or "It's too little to be out in this weather, keep it covered up or it will catch cold," I'm not sure what else you could do.</p><p></p><p>Paint it blue, perhaps?</p><p></p><p>It depends on what sort of reaction you think he was wanting. If he was trying for shock, then never act shocked. If he was trying for a laugh, then don't make jokes. Acting superior or bored is often the best way - he needs to be shamed into putting it away. Not tat nudity is shameful, only if it's inappropriate. It's the behaviour that is the problem, not the body part itself.</p><p></p><p>Perhaps a sort of, "Dear, put it away. It's not good manners to be waving it about."</p><p></p><p>If you feel you want to treat it lightly, you could talk to him and say, "Why did you feel it was right to do that?"</p><p>If he says he was just fooling around, explain how a lot of people find seeing someone's penis is offensive. It's not a good habit to get into, even if other kids do it (which is probably where he got the idea - boys playing around behind the sheds at school will 'compare notes' like this). Tell him only little kids do this, at Kindergarten level. Those who keep doing it will find the other kids eventually will be laughing at them behind their backs, and you don't want him to be the kid being laughed at in this way. It's not the same as friends laughing together when they're having fun. It's a play habit among boys that has to stop sooner rather than later, and he can be the hero here and be the first to say to his friends, "Brothers, it's time to put childish things away."</p><p></p><p>He could find himself being laughed at for being undersized. Or if he is larger than average, he could find others jealous of him and then taking it out on him in other ways. And really, size is not important, unless it is so big or so small as to bring its own problems.</p><p></p><p>After all - is a finger funny? A nose? An eye? Why then, wave around a part of the body usually kept covered?</p><p></p><p>I do think it's a talking out situation.</p><p></p><p>But for misbehaviour in the car - I also have threatened to put my kids out to walk. But whatever threat you make, you must follow through.</p><p></p><p>So what we often ended up doing - I'd stop the car, and we would not continue until the problem had been resolved. Often I was driving the kids somewhere they had to be, so it was their bad behaviour making us late.</p><p></p><p>I also used to carry a red plastic fly swat in the car and hit kids with it if they misbehaved. It is a bright colour, it makes a loud swishing sound, it is an obvious reminder of punishment and it rarely caused any discomfort. But it worked brilliantly!</p><p></p><p>However as I said to begin with - rules vary form place to place. Also from time to time.</p><p></p><p>Good luck with this one.</p><p></p><p>Boys, eh?</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 355768, member: 1991"] The law will vary from place to place. So frankly, don't ever assume anything. For example, we went on holiday to NZ just as they brought in a "no smacking" law. That law still stands. If we had been seen smacking difficult child 3 while we were there, we could have found ourselves being prosecuted. With this sort of problem behaviour, I always let the punishment fit the crime. I' not sure what I would do for 'indecent exposure' and frankly, you didn't have time to think of anything creative. If he had been older (such as an adult male) then laughing at it would work. Or saying, "That reminds me, I have to buy toothpicks on the way home." But a child? Short of saying, "Put it away, it's not anything to be proud of," or "It's too little to be out in this weather, keep it covered up or it will catch cold," I'm not sure what else you could do. Paint it blue, perhaps? It depends on what sort of reaction you think he was wanting. If he was trying for shock, then never act shocked. If he was trying for a laugh, then don't make jokes. Acting superior or bored is often the best way - he needs to be shamed into putting it away. Not tat nudity is shameful, only if it's inappropriate. It's the behaviour that is the problem, not the body part itself. Perhaps a sort of, "Dear, put it away. It's not good manners to be waving it about." If you feel you want to treat it lightly, you could talk to him and say, "Why did you feel it was right to do that?" If he says he was just fooling around, explain how a lot of people find seeing someone's penis is offensive. It's not a good habit to get into, even if other kids do it (which is probably where he got the idea - boys playing around behind the sheds at school will 'compare notes' like this). Tell him only little kids do this, at Kindergarten level. Those who keep doing it will find the other kids eventually will be laughing at them behind their backs, and you don't want him to be the kid being laughed at in this way. It's not the same as friends laughing together when they're having fun. It's a play habit among boys that has to stop sooner rather than later, and he can be the hero here and be the first to say to his friends, "Brothers, it's time to put childish things away." He could find himself being laughed at for being undersized. Or if he is larger than average, he could find others jealous of him and then taking it out on him in other ways. And really, size is not important, unless it is so big or so small as to bring its own problems. After all - is a finger funny? A nose? An eye? Why then, wave around a part of the body usually kept covered? I do think it's a talking out situation. But for misbehaviour in the car - I also have threatened to put my kids out to walk. But whatever threat you make, you must follow through. So what we often ended up doing - I'd stop the car, and we would not continue until the problem had been resolved. Often I was driving the kids somewhere they had to be, so it was their bad behaviour making us late. I also used to carry a red plastic fly swat in the car and hit kids with it if they misbehaved. It is a bright colour, it makes a loud swishing sound, it is an obvious reminder of punishment and it rarely caused any discomfort. But it worked brilliantly! However as I said to begin with - rules vary form place to place. Also from time to time. Good luck with this one. Boys, eh? Marg [/QUOTE]
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This is a jerky question, but is there somewhere to look to see what counts as abuse?
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