Well, nightmare day for J... When I went to pick him up after school, from the "childminding service" they have (in the school but in a room with lots of toys, etc), the assistant asked to speak to me. She told me that at lunch J had strangled his "best friend" (the only other boy in his class, but they seem to have a very love-hate relationship) who had red marks on his neck... On questioning, it transpired that the other boy had asked him to get hold of his polo neck and pull - we don't know why - and J had taken it to an extreme. We also don't know why. We had quite a long conversation. She told me that he is often play fighting with other boys, but that most of the boys do it, that he has to be told three or four times before he will listen. She wasn't saying this critically but more with understanding for him. Apparently she spoke to the other mother about the incident... I did say to her that I think he has a problem with impulse control that he cannot help and that this thing called ADHD may apply to him even though the teacher did not want to know about it for the moment. She seemed open about it. When we got home, J was just terrible - rude, aggressive, insolent in a way he isn't usually after school. He had also "stolen" two red cars from the garderie - he knew it was wrong because he didn't want me to see and tried to hide them. I think he was feeling hurt and wounded after the incident and having been scolded for it, and as usual aggression is the way he deals with hurt feelings... I have a mix of feelings. Sinking heart of course, since it seems school is actually more problematic than I feared, concern about this conflictual relationship with the other little boy - should I ring his mother to talk about it?? Would seem natural thing to do but... Is it an illusion that I have been harbouring that J can carry on without particular interventions and medication in his school?? The assistant was at pains to point out that it is not just J but all the little boys who are aggressive in their play but... I think a lot of it is inspired by J, really. If his energy was different, the other boys would probably be different with him. This is hard. Seeing his physical aggression towards me tonight - trying to kick and hit me (I just removed myself) - I wonder what it would be like with a bigger violent child that I can't control... I do need to talk about this to the psychiatrist. I feel maybe I should ring him on Monday to make an appointment. Feel like sometimes I worry about meaningless stuff but this is really serious.