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This is my mom's birthday
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 600952" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Suzir, I think your worth and talent transcend your mothers (and you are two different people anyway). You are an intelligent woman who chose to be a mother, like I did. That gave you and me more time with our kids in their formative years. You helped your husband move on. I'm sure he values your help. You do not have to have some high power job to be worthwhile. In fact, many parents who are too career-oriented never get to know their kids or enjoy the wonders of family life. I am not sorry I chose to mostly be a stay at home mom. Nor should you be. </p><p></p><p>Your mother sounds like perhaps an intellectual snob (and I personally don't care for snobs of any type). Also, she WAS manipulative when it suited her, which you are not. One thing that made me laugh, that you may not appreciate because of where you live, but it is very rare in the US for anyone to either be one or to admit to having communist leanings. It is just SOOOOOOOOOOO not America...lol. But I just brought that up for my own humor. It really doesn't mean anything, unless she felt she was having enlightened, "better" philosophies than other people have.</p><p></p><p>All in all, I am so sorry that you miss your mother. Most people here do, even with complex relationships. Many of us are determined NOT to make our relationships with OUR children so very complex. You seem like you have a wonderful family dynamic...not perfect...but I am still in awe of your husband and how he took your difficult child, even under the circumstances, and loves him as his own son. That is rare and precious. And you seem to have a good relationship with him, aside from the fact that he is a man with man issues...lol.</p><p></p><p>I have always thought you were doing a fabulous job with your family and it seems that THIS was your goal in life and you are doing a very successful job of it. Your husband and kids adore you and your difficult child will tell you his deepest, darkest secrets, which is not the case with many difficult children, especially male ones. </p><p></p><p>Mourn your mother. You are entitled to reflect, feel sad, and even nurture some self=pity and regrets. But do not for a moment think that, if you believe loved ones keep an eye on us, that she is not proud of you and smiling. If you don't believe that, *I* do and I think she is...or would be, if she could. </p><p></p><p>Maybe put some flowers on her grave, have a private talk with her, and then remember that you did the best you could to love her. I had a terrible relationship with my mother, but I believed we solved in the next life (yes, you can call the men with white jackets, but I truly believe we spoke and resolved many issues). We all have our own ways to come to peace with our parents.</p><p></p><p>I hope you wake up happier tomorrow and remember what an awesome woman you are I know many of us think you are one. That counts, right? <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> (((Huggs)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 600952, member: 1550"] Suzir, I think your worth and talent transcend your mothers (and you are two different people anyway). You are an intelligent woman who chose to be a mother, like I did. That gave you and me more time with our kids in their formative years. You helped your husband move on. I'm sure he values your help. You do not have to have some high power job to be worthwhile. In fact, many parents who are too career-oriented never get to know their kids or enjoy the wonders of family life. I am not sorry I chose to mostly be a stay at home mom. Nor should you be. Your mother sounds like perhaps an intellectual snob (and I personally don't care for snobs of any type). Also, she WAS manipulative when it suited her, which you are not. One thing that made me laugh, that you may not appreciate because of where you live, but it is very rare in the US for anyone to either be one or to admit to having communist leanings. It is just SOOOOOOOOOOO not America...lol. But I just brought that up for my own humor. It really doesn't mean anything, unless she felt she was having enlightened, "better" philosophies than other people have. All in all, I am so sorry that you miss your mother. Most people here do, even with complex relationships. Many of us are determined NOT to make our relationships with OUR children so very complex. You seem like you have a wonderful family dynamic...not perfect...but I am still in awe of your husband and how he took your difficult child, even under the circumstances, and loves him as his own son. That is rare and precious. And you seem to have a good relationship with him, aside from the fact that he is a man with man issues...lol. I have always thought you were doing a fabulous job with your family and it seems that THIS was your goal in life and you are doing a very successful job of it. Your husband and kids adore you and your difficult child will tell you his deepest, darkest secrets, which is not the case with many difficult children, especially male ones. Mourn your mother. You are entitled to reflect, feel sad, and even nurture some self=pity and regrets. But do not for a moment think that, if you believe loved ones keep an eye on us, that she is not proud of you and smiling. If you don't believe that, *I* do and I think she is...or would be, if she could. Maybe put some flowers on her grave, have a private talk with her, and then remember that you did the best you could to love her. I had a terrible relationship with my mother, but I believed we solved in the next life (yes, you can call the men with white jackets, but I truly believe we spoke and resolved many issues). We all have our own ways to come to peace with our parents. I hope you wake up happier tomorrow and remember what an awesome woman you are I know many of us think you are one. That counts, right? :) (((Huggs))) [/QUOTE]
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