This is out of my league entirely

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by hexemaus2, Nov 25, 2010.

  1. hexemaus2

    hexemaus2 Old hand

    difficult child 1 tried to call the other day. Naturally, I don't answer.

    We found out several weeks ago that she's pregnant again. I only half believed it because the amount of junk that comes back to me about her is 2nd, 3rd, or even 4th hand. However, apparently it is true because she announced it on facebook some weeks ago, which was my last communication with her. I simply replied (in a private message) that announcing your separation and impending pregnancy with another man's child when you can't even take care of the one you already have is 1)asking for criticizm 2)deserves criticizing and 3) should not in any way create surprise when other people tell her she's an idiot, irresponsible, and various other colorful descriptions that impune her character. (her status update was griping about people talking about her behind her back, questioning who the father was, etc. - hmmm...this kind of talk surprises her? What planet is she living on?)

    Anyway, I explained that I was done. Period. Over. Washing my hands. Don't call us -we'll call you. I had given her a chance to open the channels of communication with me a couple of months ago by accepting her friend request. My only stipulation? Don't screw it up. Give me some shred of hope that you might actually mean it when you say you want your life to be different. Obviously, she didn't mean a word of anything, as usual. I told her I refused to watch her destroy her own life, try to take Rae's life down with her, and was now going to add ANOTHER child to the mess that is her life? I can't watch. Hate it for ya kid, but Mom's outta here. Unfriend.

    Actually, I didn't unfriend as there's too much evidence on her page not to make a record of it for Rae's sake. But I did block her from seeing my pictures, sending messages, etc.

    So I get this call the other day. I didn't answer. I knew better. Sure enough, it was difficult child 1. She claimed to be filing out adoption paperwork for the baby so everything would be in place when he/she is born. (No surprise that she's giving it up, she told me that much in her response to the "I'm done" message. The surprise is that she's apparently following through with something she said...for now.)

    Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Why are you calling me? I think, as I'm listening to the message.

    She says she needs to ask me a few questions about me, my parents, my siblings, and her siblings.

    Yeah, okay. Normal part of adoption paperwork, I assume. Including any known health problems, disease, deaths, blah, blah. Whatever. She already knows (or should know) all that stuff from Rae's medical charts and initial doctor information difficult child 1 needed when Rae started with the pediatrician.

    But then she surprised me. She wants full names, birthdates, city of birth, etc. for everyone.

    Um, excuse me? Since when does she need her grandparents' (the baby's great grandparents) full names, dates of birth, and other personal information for an adoption? I get the medical information, but there's no way I'm giving that child her relatives full names, dates of birth, places of birth, current address etc.

    I don't trust her not to somehow start stealing her relatives identities with that much information.

    I have no clue what's involved in putting a child up for adoption, so I don't know if this is normal historical information for an agency to gather or not. Even if it is, they don't need it and I'm not giving it out. Period. But I'm curious if they actually do ask for that kind of information or not - just so I know for certain if she's trying something sneaky so I can give the in-laws and other relatives the heads' up.

    Can someone fill me in? Do adoption agencies ask for relatives' information in that much detail?
  2. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Nope, they do not ask for that. There is a general form that asks about extended family medical history and ethnic history. They ask about her likes/dislikes, etc, any info she has about the potential father(s), and anything else she wishes to share.
  3. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    It's not required by any means. The only thing REQUIRED by law is the signature of the biological parents if it's a private or willing adoption. Hell, most states have laws that allow a baby to be left at a hospital up to 3 days after birth for placement, no questions asked, no charges pressed, no names taken.
    And yes, I AM adopted. I found some of my birth family. And no, none of that information was in the file beyond names of bio parents (which they would not release without consent from them). I had some basic information beyond that, like Creek/French/Irish descent. Basic physical descriptions of bio parents. And I was privately placed through an agency.
  4. hexemaus2

    hexemaus2 Old hand

    Thanks, Ladies. I didn't think they needed all that information. Even if they did, she won't get it from me. I can understand basics like ages of living relatives, but not detailed personal information. That's going a bit too far, in my book.

    Pretty sad when I can't trust answering anything difficult child 1 asks. My gfgdar always goes off whenever she asks personal questions, wondering why she wants to know, what she's going to use the info for (really.) She always has something up her sleeve - always.
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    (((hugs))) hex

    I truly hope for the child's sake she follows through with the adoption.
  6. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Its pretty sad when you cant think...oh how nice, she is wanting to fill in the baby book for the family tree!

    Funny story about Family Tree's. Cory overheard Tony talking to his (Tony's sister) about their family tree on the phone one day and after he hung up Cory asked his Dad if he had a branch on the family tree. Tony said yes Cory, you do. And Keyana is a little twig sprouting off your branch...lmao.