Our problems with difficult child takes such a toll on our marriage. We have unfortunately set up a dynamic that although we are trying to break it, is very difficult sometimes. It started years ago, when difficult child was only about 2-3. Even then he was so defiant and oppositional. My husband has always had a short fuse and would really yell at him and it could be scary. we have had so many arguments about this. When he did this, I would jump in to "protect" difficult child, even though his behavior was not right. I just felt like the punishment didn't fit the crime, so to speak. Anyway, this has created a situation where husband feels we are a "tag team" against him. And to a certain extent, I know difficult child also believes this and actually tries to play one of us against the other. I will say that for a long time now I have tried to keep my feelings to myself and if I disagree with how husband handled a situation, I try and keep my mouth shut, which is very hard sometimes, and discuss it with him later when we are alone. I absolutely see the necessity of this. However, sometimes I just feel that I have to support difficult child in that moment. For instance, lately bedtime has been very difficult. Everything will be fine until it comes to going upstairs to brush his teeth and go to bed. Then he will start to ask to skip his teeth (which, many times we have let him do in the past to avoid meltdowns) and start not moving and refusing to do anything. Also constant yelling. I don't even think difficult child believes he is yelling anymore...he's so used to it. Anyway, he started this stuff last night and my husband tells him to get off the floor and brush his teeth. He asks him several times. He still does not move. So then my husband grabs him and pulls him into the bathroom with difficult child crying and screaming, which only angers husband more so he screams which angers difficult child so he screams, and on and on and on...Then last night, husband says "you're ruining the whole day doing this". Which got me mad because difficult child had a good day and I didn't want him to think one incident ruined everything. So I say "it does NOT ruin the whole day". So then difficult child runs with that, trying to use it against husband. UGH!!! and later husband and I argued about it. I feel that his temper is constantly putting me in this position and he feels I am always babying difficult child. It doesn't help that last year, husband and I were separated and difficult child was with me. Anybody else have problems with this??