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This is the kind of koi that I'm talking about
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<blockquote data-quote="TerryJ2" data-source="post: 528077" data-attributes="member: 3419"><p>I am so sorry. He sounded like such a nice guy.</p><p></p><p>I am also sorry for difficult child's verbal abuse of your son. He has no way of understanding that, and it cuts to the core. It will ruin his relationship with-her if she continues.</p><p></p><p>In regard to playing the devil's advocate, I saw John Elder Robison speak a cpl wks ago at the College of Wm and Mary in VA. He said something that really, really grabbed me, one of those "I've-always-wanted-to-know-why" things. Somebody was killed in a motorcycle accident when he was younger. When he was told, he remembers smiling. His family of course (and in particular, his mother) insisted he was a sociopath and a would-be serial killer.</p><p>Why did he smile? After all these yrs, he was able to explain his relief that no one in his own family was hurt.</p><p></p><p>Not sure what your daughter was thinking, but I *do* think she was trying to make herself feel better, in her socially inept, cruel way. Please sit down with her, alone, and explain to her how much it hurts other people when she does things like that. She really may not know. Or what little pleasure she gets from it will in no way balance out the hurt she has caused. She needs someone to spell it out, just like learning the alphabet. It will take all the patience and objectivity you have, and it will not be easy not to scream at her, but at this age, that is all you can do. Once she's 21 and out of the house, then it's out of your hands. </p><p></p><p>I don't know how much your son can absorb, in regard to how abnormal his sister's behavior is. But you can only try. Separately, of course.</p><p></p><p>Many hugs. It is so hard to lose someone through death, and then to lose your child piece by piece as you create walls through anger.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TerryJ2, post: 528077, member: 3419"] I am so sorry. He sounded like such a nice guy. I am also sorry for difficult child's verbal abuse of your son. He has no way of understanding that, and it cuts to the core. It will ruin his relationship with-her if she continues. In regard to playing the devil's advocate, I saw John Elder Robison speak a cpl wks ago at the College of Wm and Mary in VA. He said something that really, really grabbed me, one of those "I've-always-wanted-to-know-why" things. Somebody was killed in a motorcycle accident when he was younger. When he was told, he remembers smiling. His family of course (and in particular, his mother) insisted he was a sociopath and a would-be serial killer. Why did he smile? After all these yrs, he was able to explain his relief that no one in his own family was hurt. Not sure what your daughter was thinking, but I *do* think she was trying to make herself feel better, in her socially inept, cruel way. Please sit down with her, alone, and explain to her how much it hurts other people when she does things like that. She really may not know. Or what little pleasure she gets from it will in no way balance out the hurt she has caused. She needs someone to spell it out, just like learning the alphabet. It will take all the patience and objectivity you have, and it will not be easy not to scream at her, but at this age, that is all you can do. Once she's 21 and out of the house, then it's out of your hands. I don't know how much your son can absorb, in regard to how abnormal his sister's behavior is. But you can only try. Separately, of course. Many hugs. It is so hard to lose someone through death, and then to lose your child piece by piece as you create walls through anger. [/QUOTE]
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