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Substance Abuse
This isn't about a teen but thought you all might have wise words
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<blockquote data-quote="Mattsmom277" data-source="post: 399317" data-attributes="member: 4264"><p>Thanks all!!!! </p><p></p><p>S/O was kind but firm and told my mother in law that we simply aren't going to engage contact with sister in law until our terms for a healthy relationship can be met (A year sobriety, apology and accountability). He made it clear that we both love sister in law but we both believe firmly that she requires professional help at this point by experts in addiction and we are in no position to assist her in her addiction. S/O told her that if she felt it would be helpful (We doubt it will mean anything but may make mother in law feel better and at least let it go in terms of asking us to contact sister in law) she is free to let sister in law and brother in law know that we love her and wish her well and are here for her if and when she gets her life together and takes the above mentioned steps. </p><p></p><p>Deep down we know mother in law does understand why we are forcing ourselves to stand firm. I think part of her is grasping for permission to do the same herself. I can say I'm proud of mother in law for what I consider more than baby steps toward the strength to do what it takes to be firm herself. It's not easy for her, more so because of the personality of care giver she has always been. With the death of her husband this fall, she is also very vulnerable and frightened of losing her daughter. Yet she is getting stronger re: sister in law in some ways. She has a ways to go. But progress is good.</p><p></p><p>Before Christmas, sister in law admitted her current relapse (I don't believe she stayed clean beyond the short rehab stint though) to my mother in law. She told mother in law she would have to tell her husband when he got back from work out of town that she had spent 10's of thousands, not been home for a week for their son (OMG!) etc. She begged mother in law to come stay. Said she would go cold turkey at home IF my mother in law would go there and stay. Can you say manipulative? She told mother in law that she could "For sure do it" if mother in law went there. Now we all know mother in law would NOT drive the 7 hours drive to go to the town sister in law is now living in. mother in law is not comfortable long distance driving. We are 1 1/2 hours away and she only drives to us with her sister with her and only during daylight and never in winter. So this would translate to mother in law taking 3 seperate buses with layovers that translate to a 14 hour trip each way. Then mother in law would have to watch sister in law supposedly go cold turkey, go through those awful opiate withdrawls, over Christmas, when mother in law is struggling so much this year without her own husband. </p><p></p><p>mother in law never waivered and stood her ground and made it clear to sister in law she would NOT be doing this and never was going to do it as she knows sister in law needs medical help for detox and then long term rehab. mother in law then told sister in law she was unrealistic to expect others to pat her on the head and wipe her brow and baby her through "withdrawls". She also told sister in law she didnt' believe for a second she was serious anyhow but felt it was an attempt to have her present as a buffer with my brother in law over the holidays and to manipulate him and others to believing she is getting sober again with zero intent to do so. She even asked sister in law to go get tested for methadone and prove she is going cold turkey! Wow. (sister in law buys methadone on the street to avoid withdrawl when attempting to show her husband and kids etc that she is supposedly clean)</p><p></p><p>mother in law has a ways to go as I said, but progress is good. I am going to pass along some info from the links provided here (thank you!!!!).</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mattsmom277, post: 399317, member: 4264"] Thanks all!!!! S/O was kind but firm and told my mother in law that we simply aren't going to engage contact with sister in law until our terms for a healthy relationship can be met (A year sobriety, apology and accountability). He made it clear that we both love sister in law but we both believe firmly that she requires professional help at this point by experts in addiction and we are in no position to assist her in her addiction. S/O told her that if she felt it would be helpful (We doubt it will mean anything but may make mother in law feel better and at least let it go in terms of asking us to contact sister in law) she is free to let sister in law and brother in law know that we love her and wish her well and are here for her if and when she gets her life together and takes the above mentioned steps. Deep down we know mother in law does understand why we are forcing ourselves to stand firm. I think part of her is grasping for permission to do the same herself. I can say I'm proud of mother in law for what I consider more than baby steps toward the strength to do what it takes to be firm herself. It's not easy for her, more so because of the personality of care giver she has always been. With the death of her husband this fall, she is also very vulnerable and frightened of losing her daughter. Yet she is getting stronger re: sister in law in some ways. She has a ways to go. But progress is good. Before Christmas, sister in law admitted her current relapse (I don't believe she stayed clean beyond the short rehab stint though) to my mother in law. She told mother in law she would have to tell her husband when he got back from work out of town that she had spent 10's of thousands, not been home for a week for their son (OMG!) etc. She begged mother in law to come stay. Said she would go cold turkey at home IF my mother in law would go there and stay. Can you say manipulative? She told mother in law that she could "For sure do it" if mother in law went there. Now we all know mother in law would NOT drive the 7 hours drive to go to the town sister in law is now living in. mother in law is not comfortable long distance driving. We are 1 1/2 hours away and she only drives to us with her sister with her and only during daylight and never in winter. So this would translate to mother in law taking 3 seperate buses with layovers that translate to a 14 hour trip each way. Then mother in law would have to watch sister in law supposedly go cold turkey, go through those awful opiate withdrawls, over Christmas, when mother in law is struggling so much this year without her own husband. mother in law never waivered and stood her ground and made it clear to sister in law she would NOT be doing this and never was going to do it as she knows sister in law needs medical help for detox and then long term rehab. mother in law then told sister in law she was unrealistic to expect others to pat her on the head and wipe her brow and baby her through "withdrawls". She also told sister in law she didnt' believe for a second she was serious anyhow but felt it was an attempt to have her present as a buffer with my brother in law over the holidays and to manipulate him and others to believing she is getting sober again with zero intent to do so. She even asked sister in law to go get tested for methadone and prove she is going cold turkey! Wow. (sister in law buys methadone on the street to avoid withdrawl when attempting to show her husband and kids etc that she is supposedly clean) mother in law has a ways to go as I said, but progress is good. I am going to pass along some info from the links provided here (thank you!!!!). [/QUOTE]
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