THIS Lie is HUGE....

[Star*]

Well to "get me off his back".....Dude tells me that yesterday BFF was the one that gave x my number. So I'm thinking - Okay - I can handle that - it's just that cell number. I can call, have it blocked....whatever. Then the more I thought about it...I thought, nope. I have a life, you're not part of it and really forgot about it. It felt good to think I could just go on about my day and not hide in a closet and not want to die thinking about how scared I used to be. I couldn't even begin to explain it. Fifteen years of therapy should give you a clue and EMDR therapy, membership to a gun club, martial arts classes, self-defense courses....3 pit bulls, living with a biker, security system and well you get the jist of it - even 15 years later.

So IMAGINE MY surprise when Dude calls x last night from our house phone - blocked number of course and says..."I lied about BFF to get you off my back." DF and I were both like...."WHAT?" He said "It wasn't BFF it was the Foster Mom."

Okay there is NOW a new level of disgust for this woman - she KNEW/KNOWS the entire history of my life. SHE KNEW I have been in hiding from x for 15 years. She claims to also have been an abused wife. WTF? (sorry nothing else comes to mind) Not only did she pass out my cell phone - she passed him our home phone and gave him OUR ADDRESS. I'm surprised she didn't send him a #()$*( map and offer to give him a Garmin.

For 15 years - this man has not been able to find us. For 15 years I've had some sort of peace. Not much but some. For just the last year I've finally slept through the night thanks to therapy and drugs. Last night? Brain would not shut off. This isn't right. DF is livid and wants to go out to their house and....And I said what?? They are not right in the head. If they were they would have never done this. SO talking to them would serve no purpose other than to solidify that her evil little plan worked and upset me. I'm sure the call was anticipated. I'm sure the corners of her mouth curled like the Grinch on Christmas morning. What an idiot.

Dude apologized for lying - which at the least makes me feel better about his friend, and in some way about Dude for coping to the truth. He also said that he told x not to call either number - ever. x said he would not - but thats just a matter of time.

I guess this expidites putting the house up for sale. (wish I could put lol)

I wish I didn't have to shop for a couple of new numbers...(grrrrrr) I'm telling you this man is the plague. I think when he DOES come here - he should stay at the Foster family's house. They would get along.
The black plague and the Ebola family.

 

[JJJ]

How (*^#(^$(*& upsetting. Foster mom need mental health treatment, lots of it. I feel so bad for the new little boy

 

[CrazyinVA]

Oh, MAN. That is .. there are no words. None that wouldn't be censored, anyway. Hmm now, who can you give HER number to? A craigslist ad, perhaps? *evil grin*

 

[hearts and roses]

OMG, Star. I have a knot in the pit of MY stomach over this - I cannot even imagine how sick you and DF are over it. The thoughts I am thinking I can't put down here, but rest assured they are along the lines of fair and equal justice for X and the level of fear that he has instilled in in you. I'm so sorry. That woman deserves to be run over by a mack truck. What the heck was she thinking?!?! ARgh!

Dude must have really picked up on your emotions, how awful *for you both*.

Hugs~

 

[Steely]

Star* I am so furious, that like Jo, I cannot even put on the board the things I am feeling. In fact, I am so mad, it is really a good idea that I am nowhere in the vicinity of foster mom.
Please know I am praying for you. I am praying that every road block in the universe is being sent to x.
(And we know the universe can be creative)
This is absolutely ridiculous. Life should not be so hard. GRRRRRRRRRRRRR

 

[Mattsmom277]

Can I please come down there and meet this foster monster and put her in her place? Pretty place? What a waste of air and skin this woman is. GRROWLLL!!!

Sorry you are going through this. Dude has to leave there right?? Maybe since he has your address either, you should carefully screen calls, and wait until Dude is no longer living there before changing phone numbers etc. Seems like you might go through it all, have to give the new numbers to foster monster, and they too could get through to your ex. Maybe you should wait until Dude moves out, then change the number.

I do hope that the ex lays off and doesn't exploit having your info.

have I mentioned I want to DO things to foster monster? What a wretched human (for many reasons)!

 

[witzend]

What a piece of work!

 

[DammitJanet]

Ok...how long has he known now? She could have given him these things over a year ago. Lets hope he has acquired some sense over time and knows to keep away. Maybe in this amount of time he has acquired an aversion to jail cells. We can pray. Dont you have a lifetime PO.

Want me to send Cory down to be muscle?

 

[Suz]

Star, is it possible that Dude is still lying...only this time he made it up about Foster Mom to get BFF out of the dog house? You already hate Foster Mom so it would be an easy lie.

Suz

 

[witzend]

Whatever the case, I think it is problematic that Dude's story is changing. I hope that you will be able to work this out with him.

 

[gcvmom]

Holy cow dung!

How does Dude know that Foster Witch gave out the info? And when did it happen? And how did the scumbag get Foster Witch's number? Just curious...

Well, I'd for sure be changing the phone numbers. And I'd for sure show Pootie his picture and tell her what an evil, nasty, no-good, son-of-a-ditch he is and how good it would feel for her to sink her teeth into him if he ever comes around.

And then I'd be looking for a new place to live. Can you rent out your house and get enough to cover your mortgage and taxes? Just thinking you might not want to rush into selling it before you figure out what you need to do to feel safe again.

I'm so sorry everything has been turned upside down for you. It's not fair.

 

[mstang67chic]

You know that list of subscriptions and such you are collecting for someone? Add foster witch to the list.

 

[Star*]

Nope - it's foster ditch.

Well they opened Pandoras Box - hope they like what comes out of it.

 

[Nomad]

I know many of our kids have lied and it is always always always something to watch out for.

However, there is enough here to warrant big time concerns about these foster parents and their motives and judgment.

Please keep your eyes and ears open. Don't make any assumptions or moves that you will regret later.

However, changing your cell number is easy enough...just give it to those who you completely trust.

I am so sorry you are going thru these difficulties.

 

[Hound dog]

Star that is a major violation of your privacy. Not to mention the possibility that this vindictive witch (you know the other word I'm thinking... and a few more on the side) put your life in danger by her actions. There is no possible reason this woman can give for having done this that would make it right on any level.

If it were me, I'd be looking into what I could do about it. It doesn't hurt to ask........and it might be another hole in her coffin as far as fostering goes. I just have issues thinking she could breech your private information so seriously and there be no reprocussions for her to pay for having done so.

As far as x goes..........You are no longer his victim. You're strong, and have spent the years away from him making yourself stronger, including the self-defense stuff. You are not the woman you were as his victim.

Man! I'm seething at the moment. I'd be sorely tempted to let SO go scare the living hades out of her..........Well, I'd be sorely tempted to do a whole lot more than that actually.

((hugs))

 

[Nancy]

Star my first reaction was the same as Suz's. How do you know for sure that Dude isn't trying to protect BFF?

I know how afraid you are of this man so I can understand your anger. I was very surprised that you didn't react stronger when Dude first made contact with him.

Nancy

 

[Star*]

My first reaction when Dude made ANY contact with ANY of 'them' was months ago. It was through My Space. Dude did not tell me for quite some time and when he did? He was looking for the shock and awe look that I wasn't going to give. He finally admitted to me that he had talked to his biofather on the phone. I was shocked and 100 other things but would have never allowed Dude to know what I was really thinking. I kept thinking about all the therapy and the time and the emotions that I spent and the anger that I had to watch Dude spend living in for the last 15 years. The hideous things that the therapists told me he lived through and the possibility that he may or may not seek this man out some day. The mere thought that he would even want a relationship with a man that had sold him for crack was beyond me. The things that this man did to me are beyond explaination.

I'm not afraid of him anymore. I'm just nothing where he is concerned and that's really odd for me too. Don't doubt that there isn't some heightened concern or that extra precautions haven't been taken recently. I'm not stupid and I'm not taking any chances. He's a dangerous person. But to say that he owns any part of my life in that way or that he consumes my life with fear? No. I paid a dear price to be this educated and calm and self-assured. I spent a lot of time, and energy and gave a great piece of myself to find myself again. Doesn't mean he doesn't infuriate me. Doesn't mean that I want to sit and have a casual conversation about "Hey how are you doing?" - I actually don't want to know anything about him - he's just insignificant. However - when Dude keeps throwing him up in my face as an innocent person who's, repented, sad, sorry, pitiful, and I should feel X about him? THAT would anger anyone. Have I said "Enough already about Dude being disappointed that the man has lied to him for a week straight and can't even send the kid $100?" Yes. Have I said something to the effect of "I told you so, please do not MENTION that name in my presence?" Yup. Have I had to tell my son NOT to talk about any of his lovely plans? YES. (groan) Have I had to be (once again) the parent that has had to deal with the disappointed young man who has been yet again let down by a worthless human being who can't keep even the most simple promise to a child reaching out to him after 15 years? Yup? Is that anything to do with me? Nope. Am I getting involved and telling my x anything? Nope - the man does not deserve to hear a single breath I take and I'm keeping that promise. If Dude choose to smack a hornets nest with a stick - he's going to have to get stung all on his own. I told him this when he started the child support baloney - and I begged him to leave it alone. He didn't listen....and now at 19 - he can deal with the loss, disappointment, grief, stress, anger, contempt, worthless, sinister, evil, manipulative, jerk - all on his own and MAYBE once and for ALL find out - for himself exactly WHY he should cut all ties and leave that particular person alone forever.

This is really a decision that I will not, can not, and choose to not make for him and if I were to be emotional and get upset or cause a scene and beg him to stop? It would send him screaming to meet this person. But....I know this man and he will let you down every time. Dude will be no exception....and so far 1 1/2 weeks into it? He has not been.

As far as the Foster Mother? I don't hate anyone - not even my x. But I don't care for either of them - both are cut from the same cloth. Like I said - she did give him the numbers and the address. It wasn't BFF, he's a good kid. The humorous thing is? She thinks she's so clever - now he has HER address too and x knows SHE threw her son out. He told Dude he's not really happy about that...she's as brilliant as a lump of horse manure.

As far as getting upset or worked up over any of this anymore? Nope. If I'm going to have a heart attack or another stroke? It's going to be over something good.....lol. Not this junk. I'm still not real happy - but what's done is done.

I did get out my lifetime order of protection and put batteries in my alarm. No sense in being last minute about anything.

 

[ML]

They say the opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. Star, you have come so far in your recovery and I'm proud of you. I'm just so sorry that you have to watch your son make choices you know are going to hurt him. I suppose that is the main reason this forum exists and why we encourage detachment. I love you girl and I'm here for you.

 

[moonglow]

You know why your son is doing this right? That all abused children want from their abusive parent is to be loved. They still carry with them that deep seated idea it was there fault..even when they know better, even when they are adults. They still crave that love and acceptance. Nothing wounds deeper and is more long lasting then to be abused by your own parent. Of course you know this...you have to let this play out, which you are. Yes he is going to get hurt terribly but in that eventually once and for all he will have to face what his dad really is. This is more then likely what my son will have to go through also and I can't tell you how much I dread that. Ex really does not know how to love because he never was loved as a child.

I will keep you both in my prayers on this and hope it gets over quickly and without anything terrible happening.

 

[Star*]

Thanks Moon -

I've missed you so much, but kept you and Nate in my thoughts and though you already know that this is a reality - when it hits your door it leaves a hole bigger than you think. Couple the fact that my x has tried to kill me on numerous occasions and given a chance would do it and think nothing of it, plus ....now that Dude is old enough he's been told what happened and thinks nothing about what "I feel" is a 2nd slap in the face by him "Having to" run to Daddy for this "approval" over "loyalty"? It's a little tougher than I needed to deal with ON TOP OF trying to deal with Dude's already CD attitude and mood swings.

The worst thing? It's ME again......Daddy is lying and NOT keeping promises and who do you think is having to bear the brunt of the temper tantrums and fall out from Dudes disappointments? Certainly not Daddy - Never was, never has been - never will be. I think maybe the next time Dude has a fit because this jerk made yet another promise and didn't keep it I'm going to dial his number and set the phone down so he can get an earful of what I have to hear. He should - he caused it. x1,000,000 - why can't he just go stay under that rock.