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This really makes me angry!!!
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<blockquote data-quote="bran155" data-source="post: 247825"><p>Daisy, morning. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p>You made some very good points. I would love to read that book. </p><p></p><p>My husband and I get into this debate sometimes. My sister's ex, my nephew's father had a horrible childhood as did my husband. They were both raised by addicts and went through hell. My sister's ex's mother is a crack addict, his father lives in an institution, very nice man but severely mentally disabled. He grew up very poor, lived with his mother who verbally abused him, sold his belongings, stole his money, went on drug binges, have manic episodes and brought different men home regularly. By all accounts this guy should be an addict himself or in prison. He is not either. He is not the best father to my nephew, however. He is not a regular participant in his life. He works and hangs out with his friends. His priorities are not in the right order but he is not that bad of a guy. </p><p></p><p>My husband grew up in a house with 2 addicts. His mother was a heroin addict for years. His real father, a crack addict, took off when he was very young. He lived with his mom and step-dad, who he loved very much but also an addict. His mother sold all of their belongings, even his toddler bed. Never had any food, lots of people in and out of the house getting high, the classic story. When he was 8 his mother was out buying drugs, he was home with his step-dad who over dosed with my husband on his lap. My poor husband sat on this guys lap, who had a needle sticking out of his arm, for 5-6 hours waiting for his mom to return. Growing up he ate at his friends house, wore their clothes and did odd jobs to get his own money. He was a gifted student, an artist, he was awarded a scholarship to a graphic arts high school where he could have really honed his skills. This goes back to what you were saying Daisy, his mother never pursued this for him. Hence, he never lived up to his full potential or followed his dream. Had his mother been pro-active in his life, he could have went far. He ended up dropping out of high school all together and went on his own at 15. To this day he does not have much of a relationship with his family. </p><p></p><p>Here is where the debate comes in. My husband turned out to be a wonderful man and a wonderful father. He works hard, takes good care of his family, hands on with his kids, comes home every night, helps around the house, very passive, not abusive in any way, responsible and has no criminal record. He feels that my nephews dad should be more responsible and do the right thing by his son. I agree with that but I also feel as though he was not taught how to do so. My husband says, neither was he and he is doing the right thing. He feels that his past is not an excuse to be a deadbeat!!! I agree but I also feel empathy for my nephew's dad, he has no love, no normalcy in his life and no education, no one to turn to, no one guided him. My husband says, "so what, neither did I". My answer to that is "everyone is different".</p><p></p><p>I don't know. I guess it's all a matter of how you look at it!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="bran155, post: 247825"] Daisy, morning. :) You made some very good points. I would love to read that book. My husband and I get into this debate sometimes. My sister's ex, my nephew's father had a horrible childhood as did my husband. They were both raised by addicts and went through hell. My sister's ex's mother is a crack addict, his father lives in an institution, very nice man but severely mentally disabled. He grew up very poor, lived with his mother who verbally abused him, sold his belongings, stole his money, went on drug binges, have manic episodes and brought different men home regularly. By all accounts this guy should be an addict himself or in prison. He is not either. He is not the best father to my nephew, however. He is not a regular participant in his life. He works and hangs out with his friends. His priorities are not in the right order but he is not that bad of a guy. My husband grew up in a house with 2 addicts. His mother was a heroin addict for years. His real father, a crack addict, took off when he was very young. He lived with his mom and step-dad, who he loved very much but also an addict. His mother sold all of their belongings, even his toddler bed. Never had any food, lots of people in and out of the house getting high, the classic story. When he was 8 his mother was out buying drugs, he was home with his step-dad who over dosed with my husband on his lap. My poor husband sat on this guys lap, who had a needle sticking out of his arm, for 5-6 hours waiting for his mom to return. Growing up he ate at his friends house, wore their clothes and did odd jobs to get his own money. He was a gifted student, an artist, he was awarded a scholarship to a graphic arts high school where he could have really honed his skills. This goes back to what you were saying Daisy, his mother never pursued this for him. Hence, he never lived up to his full potential or followed his dream. Had his mother been pro-active in his life, he could have went far. He ended up dropping out of high school all together and went on his own at 15. To this day he does not have much of a relationship with his family. Here is where the debate comes in. My husband turned out to be a wonderful man and a wonderful father. He works hard, takes good care of his family, hands on with his kids, comes home every night, helps around the house, very passive, not abusive in any way, responsible and has no criminal record. He feels that my nephews dad should be more responsible and do the right thing by his son. I agree with that but I also feel as though he was not taught how to do so. My husband says, neither was he and he is doing the right thing. He feels that his past is not an excuse to be a deadbeat!!! I agree but I also feel empathy for my nephew's dad, he has no love, no normalcy in his life and no education, no one to turn to, no one guided him. My husband says, "so what, neither did I". My answer to that is "everyone is different". I don't know. I guess it's all a matter of how you look at it! [/QUOTE]
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