This week another wife murdered her husbands girlfriend...wth?

[DDD]

I don't get it. If your husband has an affair and you want to shoot somebody...why not your husband?
There has to be some explanation that flies over my head. Wives attack girlfriend's. Wives stalk girlfriend's. Wives murder gfs. Maybe...just maybe...I could "get it" if the girlfriend told you?? or was in your presence when you found out?? But seeking out the girlfriend, harming or killing her??? What possible end result do the wives foresee?

Yes, it's Friday and I'm not in the mood to work. Seems like an interesting topic, lol. DDD

 

[Jody]

I have always wanted to know why do they go after the girlfriend? I am going after the one who cheated on me. Seriously, she may not even know there is a wife and kids, or girlfriend. He would be the liar and the cheat. Ugh, too much, so not worth prison time.

 

[Malika]

I think... a bit of armchair psychology here... that if you pin the main blame and hatred on the other woman, you salvage the illusion that really the husband still loves you, still wants you, was just misled by an evil temptress. See?

 

[DDD]

Oh yeah, lol, why didn't I grasp that? Sadly you probably are right but this wife appeared attractive and quite bright. Now, of course, she will be in prison and her husband will be able to replace her at no cost. Geez. DDD

 

[InsaneCdn]

Could be even easier...
He's a mega-cash-dispenser, and W doesn't want to split the moola with girlfriend... and if H files for divorce, he's got things set up so W gets very little... So, if W wants to hang onto the cash, girlfriend has to go. Except that... of course, it means H still walks free and starts over.

There's LOTS of days when I'm glad my "only" theatrics have to do with difficult child and not with husband!!

 

[HaoZi]

As the one sorely tempted to run over the girlfriend (and him as well)... a grim satisfaction in destroying what he wants. I'd still be tempted if given the opportunity.

 

[Malika]

Ah yes... hadn't thought of that. I think you have a deep insight into the criminal mind, HaoZi

 

[HaoZi]

More like been there done that, resisted the urge to damage my truck, lol.

 

[KTMom91]

I had a wife call me thinking I was the other woman about a year ago. Made me nervous she was going to come after me, even though her suspicions were wildly off the mark.

 

[DDD]

In the olden days we would have called that "awkward". Nowadays it seems to be downright dangerous. Thank heavens the woman accepted that you were not the other woman. In my 20's and 30's I knew a mess of people who were fooling around but never in a million years did anyone worry about their physical safety. Oh, lol, the good old days! DDD

 

[klmno]

You stole my punch line in your first sentence (or maybe I should say, I was going to steal yours).....when I read the titel of your thread, I was going to post that no one would ever have to worry about me doing that to a H's girlfriend because if I had a H and caught him cheating, I'd kill him. (JK) Really, I think it's one of those things that we don't know how we'd react to it- as far as who we'd blame- until we found ourselves in that situation and knew the details and how wwe found out about it- at least I think that about myself. I do hope I wouldn't actually kill someone though.

 

[DammitJanet]

I have never understood that mindset myself because to me, the girlfriend or boyfriend shouldnt even be in the mix. If the wronged party is going to get mad, get mad at the person who promised to be faithful to you. Not someone who never made any sort of commitment at all to you or who may not even know you at all!

 

[Mamaof5]

I can give you (unfortunately) some insight here. For one thing, both the "other woman" and the husband are equally responsible for the affair (unless the other woman does not know the married stature of the man). Secondly, it feels like an invasion of ones "territory" so to speak...someone stepped into MY "backyard" and tried to take away what was mine and the husband allowed this intrusion and invasion of the territory by choice.

When the other woman knows the man is married, she is choosing to help destroy a relationship. The particular "other woman" involved in husband's infidelity was unremorseful and did not give a damn about what she did only gave a damn about being caught (and said so too). She also treated ME like I was the other woman and she tried to **** on my 14 yrs of history by calling me a sk-nk and wh--e because she was peeved off that I cut them off from each other immediately and did not allow him to even tell her that it was over. *I* told her it was over, I ripped her a new one when she demanded of him an explanation in an email. I answered, he didn't. Shut her pie hole up pretty quick let me tell you. Every time she tried to make contact after that I cut her off at the knees. She was hoping he'd pick up where they left off and it wasn't happening. I even sent the info to her husband because I subscribe to the fact that he had every right to make an informed choice about his life.

She was unremorseful, didn't feel the least bit guilty and didn't give a dang about what her actions did to others or her half of the responsibility for the situation.

If you go to talk about marriage forum boards you'll understand more about the betrayed spouses views on it and how they feel about it. (CWI section)

 

[klmno]

That's the way I look at it, too, DJ- I guess there are cases where a female intentionally tries to 'steal' a man she knows is married but I tend to think a good husband would inform his wife if something was getting whacky with a woman- long before he ended up in a relationship with her. But you never know-
My ex H (short lived- we were young and dumb) ended up marrying a good friend of mine from HS, however, I honestly don't think they were messing around while we were married because he had a relationship with someone else between us splitting up and him getting together with my HS friend. If they had cheated together while we were married- I most definitely would have felt betrayed by both of them and probably would have been more upset over her doing it than him, although I'd have kicked him a new one, too.

 

[donna723]

Unfortunately I'm another one who knows what it's like first hand and believe me, I wanted to kill both of them! There may be a few clueless souls out there who dont know that the man is married but I'm sure most do. My ex certainly wasn't anywhere remotely near a "good" husband and she actually did me a favor by getting him out of our house, but the way it was done was horrible and damaging, way more than it needed to be. He and I worked in the same place and she did too, so this was played out in front of everyone we knew. She was the original "good time that was had by all" if you get my drift ... but he was the only one dumb enough to actually leave his family for her. And she was horrible! It was like a big game to her and she could have cared less that he was married and had two kids that were involved. All she wanted was another paycheck coming in to the house and someone to help her with her two horrible children. She passed up no opportunity to try to humiliate me every chance she got. And she did some awful things that were so hurtful to my children, especially my son who was only 15 at the time. Of course the ex allowed it to happen too, and I will never, ever forgive either one of them for the hurt they caused for my children and for me. I mean, if he wanted to leave, he could have just LEFT! Lord knows, I would have helped him pack! No need for all the games and all the hurtful things that were done. And I'm SURE that it was her that put him up to running up a bunch of bills on our son's SSN and ruining his credit for years to come - he would have never thought of that on his own! So yes, at the time, I could have cheerfully strangled both of them but especially her because she actually ENJOYED it!

And you know what they say about karma ... a few years later the ex lost his job for doing something he shouldn't have been doing, probably to make some extra money for HER! And as soon as she had spent his last paycheck, she promptly left him for his best friend - the best friend whose sweet wife was dying of cancer! She moved right in on him even before the wife died and was right there when the wife died to help him pick up the pieces (and spend the life insurance money)!

 

[DDD]

Wow! Truth is stranger than fiction. Guess I've been fortunate not to have lived thru those situations. If I had been in that scene I'm close to 99% positive that I would have "bye bye" to my spouse and likely added "if you get professional help give me a call and we'll try to talk". Of course if the woman was "evil" then I'm sure I would have had murderous thoughts but never would I put myself in a position to be locked up. I'm claustrophobic not necessarily extremely moral. DDD

 

[susiestar]

I think most people could get away with murder if they put some real thought into how to do it and how to get away after they did it. LOTS of murders never get solved. I would be unlikely to kill, mostly because that is WAY too easy an out. I would be FAR more likely to make husband wish he had never been born than to let him die and escape. her too. But I never aspired to nice. Not even once.

I do NOT understand killing the girlfriend. I have heard the thinking. I heard a friend go through it in agonizing detail. That is how I learned to NEVER offer advice to someone going through this. NEVER. The ONLY advice I offered was to think long and hard before making a decision and use a condom until you are SURE that it is over and you want to stay with him. This was an emotional affair that didnt' get to physical because they work for a "family company" and since she was not married she would have been transferred to Outer Mongolia (they actually have a research facility there, or near enough to it to count!). This company transfers couples who get together to different cities/states/countries if one party is married and the company finds out - even if they haven't been "physical". They have a real commitment to spouses and many employees are aware of this before they are married. IF you get involved iwth someone who isn't in the company then they stay out of it except to offer a lot of therapy and support options and if you stay with your spouse your odds of promotion go WAY up because you can keep to a commitment and are more trustworthy than if you leave your spouse. I don't know many companies who would do this, esp who make it known that breaking up a family is a way to really cap your career options early. I like it.

My husband knew before we married, LONG before we ever set a date, that I strongly believe in death do us part. I don't believe in divorce. Just not for me. I didn't marry lightly, and I won't kill him unless he does something that he could be executed by the justice system for, but I can make him wish he was dead. He is fine with it. He is rare, and actually has asked me a couple of times to PLEASE run some woman away because she is bothering him. I also remembering being in a used bookstore one day and he was with J in the kids section and I had the boys in another area. Some redheaded woman thought he was "all that" and she was really obvious about hitting on him. Jessie growled at her like a feral cat and said f she didn't leave she was going to eat her fingers off. husband was SO shocked. He had tried to hide all over from this woman, and I just watched and thought it was funny (because I knew he would NEVER go for her even if he was single) and Jess truly was the SWEETEST child and was about 2 and just the CUTEST little thing. That woman was so shocked, and then I walked up and Jess ran and gave me big kisses and then shot her the NASTIEST look - it truly was HILARIOUS!

I know, bad wife and mom, but that night even husband admitted it was pretty funny. You just would NEVER expect Jessie to growl or threaten someone then - it would be like seeing one of the cuter American Girl dolls turn into Chuckie for a moment. Just WHAT???????? Plus the look on the chick's face because she was trying to kiss up to Jessie to flirt with husband and Jess wouldn't let her near him.

I do think it is rather bad logic to kill the girlfriend. HE chose to stray. A man that will stray once? I can't trust, not if it was physical. I can see how it could be worked out, but trust would take years of hard work on both our parts - and at least a year on his to convince me to start to even try. I am just not that nice. But gfs are a dime a dozen. Just like with exsil there was NO use for bro to try to go after her boyfriend. She had too many of them. There would be bodies littering the roads for about forty miles if he tried.

 

[donna723]

I wouldn't have ever actually done it either but I won't say that I didn't get a whole lot of enjoyment out of fantasizing about doing it! And at that point, I wasn't even thinking about the morality part of it, only that I knew my children needed me to be there for them and I couldn't do anything to jeopardize that. My son was still a kid and I was all he had.

And I really did despise that woman (still do!), even more than I despised my ex! He was just sort of the dumb pawn in the whole thing ... SHE was the one gassing him up in to all that, the one making it so difficult and painful for us because it was like some kind of sick game to her.