I was reading the posts about Mother's Day and thinking about responding. As I considered what to say, it occurred to me that I have no real memories of anything really good on Mother's Day, just some random holidays which never meant much to me.............as I pondered that looking back I couldn't think of one memorable mothers day which involved my daughter or my mother. It occurred to me that both mother and daughter, although very different in so many important ways, are very similar in one very important way, they are both unable to care for me in a meaningful way. I believe they are both disabled emotionally, incapable of any deep feelings for another, essentially incapable of love. I raised my sister too, who is similar because of a cocktail of mental illnesses she has, making her incapable of in-depth feelings of love as well. I don't know that I ever looked at it quite like that before, but I have been surrounded by women who are incapable of love. Yikes. This makes me very sad. The sweetest Mother's Day I recall is when I first had my granddaughter with me, when she was only 11, my mother was also living with me at the time, right after her husband passed away. My granddaughter got up before any of us that Sunday, rode her bike to town and bought my mother and I a dozen long stemmed roses each. She placed them on the dining table with cards she made so when we got up, the flowers were already right there waiting for us. It was so sweet. She is not like my mother, sister or daughter, she is a bright light who has deep compassion and empathy and is capable of great love and depth of feelings. I guess that would have to be the nicest Mother's Day I remember come to think of it. She always puts effort into showing her love for me. My granddaughter is working on Sunday for most of the day, so rather then hang around on a day that really holds no meaning for me in ways it does for others, I suggested, after we all have breakfast together, SO and I take a drive to the ocean, drive along the beautiful California coast and stop along the way in those wonderful little coastal towns.............we love to do that. Get out in the fresh air, hike along the waters edge, have lunch in some out of the way place. So, it's a plan, make new memories........... Feeling a little melancholy about all of this right now, kind of an odd mixture of sadness for love lost and gratitude for love here right now...............I guess that's just life, huh?