This woman never gives up, even when she's on vacation. Vent!

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Californiablonde, Jun 12, 2013.

  1. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    So my mom is on vacation until Sunday. You would think she would take it as an opportunity to relax and enjoy herself and not think about any problems. But nope, she has been texting me and calling me every day this week asking about difficult child. This morning I got the worst of it. Starting Monday morning difficult child began complaining about a sore throat, fatigue, and just generally not feeling well. Last night she threw up before dinner and went to bed at seven because she said she didn't feel well. She asked me to take her to the doctors today, which tells me she is really feeling sick because difficult child hates doctors. I told her I would take her today if she still wasn't feeling well.

    This morning she said her throat hurt even worse than yesterday and she had a bad headache along with it. She also felt hot to the touch. So I left her home, went to work, and scheduled her for a doctor's appointment later today. My mom texted me earlier this morning and asked me if she was in school. When I told her difficult child is sick and I made an appointment for the doctors she about had a heart attack. She kept blowing up my phone with texts. Telling me she also had a sore throat a few days ago but she gargled with salt water and felt fine. Telling me a little sore throat is no reason for her to miss so much school. Reminding me of how many days difficult child has already missed this year cause of her ulcers. I stood my ground and told her I am her parent and I think she needs to see a doctor.

    difficult child is notorious for getting sick then having it turn into tonsilitis because her tonsils are already enlarged and she is succeptible to throat infections. My mom knows this and doesn't care. She tells me I can't afford the $20 to take her to the doctors so I shouldn't waste my money. She is telling me that I am the one who is going to reap the consequences sooner or later for difficult child's lack of attendance. Trying to give me the guilt trip by saying I don't care about her getting an education. Making me feel bad for keeping difficult child home. She told me I need to pick up difficult child on my lunch break today and so she can at least make it to her last class. Today her last class is PE. I am not taking her to school and have her do PE when she is sick. So I tell my mom this and she tells me to take her to school anyway and excuse her from PE. Then after school she wanted difficult child to go to her English teacher and work on some of her end of the year project. I couldn't excuse difficult child from PE if I wanted to. Just what in the world does my mother think difficult child is going to do for an hour and a half instead going to the gym? She certainly can't hang out in the office. School policy is if a student is sick they are either home all day or they go to class and tough it out. I am not going to make my daughter do PE today. I am taking her to the doctors, period.

    I know that her pediatrician is going to likely excuse her from school again tomorrow if she has a fever. He is adamant about bed rest and staying home from school if a child has anything that is contagious. So if it's the flu he won't want her to come to school tomorrow either. My mom is telling me that no matter what the doctor says later today, I am to send difficult child to school tomorrow. I don't know what else to say to her so I am ignoring her. I am trying to work and she is constantly interrupting me with her harrassing texts. My therapist told me long ago to tell her to politely butt out and stop trying to control me. So I tried to tell her politely a few months ago that she is making me feel incompetent as a parent and she turned it around on me. She cried and told me she is only concerned for her grandkid's welfare and I should be grateful instead of complaining. So now I shut up and I don't tell her when she makes me upset. So sorry the big rant here but I really needed to get it out somewhere!
     
  2. HaoZi

    HaoZi CD Hall of Fame

    Bottom line: most school policies are that if the kid has a fever, they canNOT attend, so you are following school policy. Mom can shove it.
     
  3. greenrene

    greenrene Member

    More than that, many schools including ours say that a child must be fever-free for 24 hours before returning. Geesh, it's not like you're WANTING her to miss school! Your mom needs to back off.
     
  4. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    She needs to learn detachment. Even if at times she helps you and your children, that doesn't give her free reign to chime in on every parenting choice you make. She really really really needs to accept that. Perhaps you two need just a few short therapy sessions to help her see there is a difference between helping and being invasive.
     
  5. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    Well now she texted me during my lunch break and told me to go buy a thermometer (ours is broken) instead paying a $20 copay to the doctors. She says I can prove to difficult child she is not really sick if she doesn't have a fever. I am taking her to the doctors regardless because there is a chance it could be tonsilitis. So I told my mom this and texted her to stop harrassing me when I'm trying to work. Haven't heard from her since my last text. Thank goodness! Hopefully I can make it through the rest of the day without hearing anything from her.
     
  6. HaoZi

    HaoZi CD Hall of Fame

    Maybe you should get a second phone, like a Tracfone. Give your mom that number and tell her it's your NEW number. Then you won't feel bad turning it off when you need to work, and your work and docs still have your regular cell number.
     
  7. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    How much is a Tracfone and where do I get one? I have never heard of that before. I'm a little behind the times with technology!
     
  8. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I guess the last time I had strep I shouldn't have gotten antibiotics, because I never did run a fever. Geesh. Honey, she pulled a guilt trip on you when you told her to back off. She's being a PITA. Next time? LALALALALALALALANOTLISTENINGLALALALALALALALA... At least in your head.

    :hugs:
     
  9. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    Step she just got through telling me that if it was tonsilitis she would be very hot and since she's not then it couldn't possibly be that. difficult child has had more throat infections than I can count and she didn't always have a fever when she did. I am taking her to get checked out regardless and I am not going to feel guilty for spending money on MY kid when she's sick!
     
  10. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    This isn't even related to her "known issues" - i.e. the GI stuff. Tonsil problems? Not exactly contagious but definitely can get serious, and that on top of known GI issues can't possibly be a good thing.

    Way To Go on canning that guilt trip.

    But I would still invest in a new thermometer... for your own peace of mind.
     
  11. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    Yes I plan on buying a new thermometer but even if I did take her temp and she had no fever I would still be taking her to the doctors. My mom doesn't get that. She thinks no fever equals not being sick. She could still have a throat infection of the flu in which case she doesn't need to be at school infecting other kids. I cannot wait until next Friday so I can be done with these **** school issues for a few months! My mom is by far stressing me out over this more than difficult child ever has. I cannot wait to have one less battle on my hands, thank goodness!
     
  12. HaoZi

    HaoZi CD Hall of Fame

    You can buy a Tracfone and minutes for it at Walmart. It's a prepaid cell phone. Might get expensive if she's constantly bombarding you with texts, though. Might be cheaper to buy a Virgin Mobile phone and pay $35/month for it instead depending on how many she sends. You'd have to try a cheap Tracfone first and see if you spend more than that on minutes.
     
  13. Dixies_fire

    Dixies_fire Member

    Actually the throwing up can inflame the throat and possibly tonsils. I can't believe they haven't figure out what's going on with her gi yet, gallbladder something!

    Tell mom to stow it. It's your money and your kid and it isn't like you are going on a binge or splurging by sending difficult child to the doctor. Honestly it's ridiculous you already know what her ending grades are going to look like surely they are just doing busy work this late in the school year and you can't make up for half a years worth of absence in a week! I understand she is going to summer school and honestly she needs to but I'd be harassing the **** out of the doctor till you get answers, how many times have you paid the co pay and come home with no answers? He isn't doing his job and you might want to ask him for a referral to a gi specialist if they can't come to terms that difficult child obviously has some real physical issues.

    Cb- stand up for yourself! You are not a difficult child who needs to be scolded you are doing the best you can! And no you don't need to be grateful instead of complaining because the woman is driving you mad!
     
  14. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    You can pick up a tracphone (no clue how to spell it) at walmart and they're cheap........and I prefer them to the one I have for certain. lol (but easy child pays the bills, so I'm stuck with that whole don't look a gift horse in the mouth sort of thing)

    The beauty of text is................and in my opinion there is only ONE because I hate texting with an utter passion...........you can ignore it. So when your mom goes off on a tirade......just don't bother to read them. If she then decides to call, shut off the ringer and let her stew.

    Your mom is way too over involved in your parenting.

    Hugs
     
  15. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Your mom reminds me of my aunt. She can be a source of great help and support but can also try to wrestle control from you too. She often used guilt by reminding me of all the times she helped my brother and me when we were kids and my mom (her sister) had left and my dad was clueless. I felt obligated to listen and defend my parenting. I finally told her one day that I will be eternally grateful for everything she did for us but that I was Duckie's mom and she only was making our difficulties worse.
     
  16. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    CB, your mother is the type of person who retains control through good deeds. You tell her about your monetary issues and she steps forward with financial assistance. You then tell her about things going on with the kids, she naturally feels you are asking for help in that venue as well. YOU are in control of how much involvement she has in your life.

    First and foremost, tell her that she puts your job in as much risk as difficult child being in your office when she continues to text you during office hours. Then, be a grown woman and tell your mother you appreciate everything she does for you and the kids but she needs to let you parent and stop getting so involved. Finally, stop sharing with her so much the financial, physical and emotional needs of your family.

    :smile:
     
  17. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I agree with Sharon. CB, do you get any sort of food stamps or reduced priced lunches for the kids? Even didnt you say this apartment is sliding scale? I think you qualify for what people refer to as the "Obama Phones" but he really wasnt the one to start the program but no one really heard about it until he came into office. Its a program where people who are considered lower income can get a pretty basic cell phone for free. Here they are called Safelink or Assurance. Now what is interesting is that Safelink is run through the tracphone system and you can buy extra minutes for it. Assurance wireless is run through either Sprint or Tmobile and you can actually either buy a few extra minutes for $5 or for $30 get unlimited everything.

    Insert evil laugh here....Buck is qualified for either one of these but you cant get both. He had no idea which one was the best one so I picked the Safelink phone for him so he would not be able to get unlimited minutes....hehehe. He cant change for at least a year so even if someone tells him the other would be better he is stuck for awhile. Like I told Tony, he needs to learn how to budget. I didnt even tell either of them he could buy extra minutes because right now he has no money to buy anything.
     
  18. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    1, you don't have to answer the phone. 2, you don't need to spend money on a TracPhone-- you can get a Google Voice number for free, and give your mom that. You set it up so that any calls or texts to the GV number are forwarded to your existing cell phone and you can screen them. Best invention ever.
     
  19. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    So the doctor says it's an upper respiratory virus. Luckily she does not have tonisilitis. He put her on bed rest and gave her a doctor's note for the school. I told my mom I am taking the doctor's advice and not sending her to school. She is contagious. As a matter of fact her English tutor came to school sick last week and tutored her so that's probably who she caught it from. I don't want difficult child infecting other kids. My mom didn't like it but I told her it's my decision, period. I do not feel bad for taking her to the doctors and spending the money because there is always a chance difficult child can have a throat infection when she gets sick. I was doing my motherly duty by having it checked out. My mom thinks I wasted money but I disagree.

    I know difficult child has missed a lot of school this year due to her ulcers but we have finally found the right medication combo and diet to treat her so next year should be better. difficult child rarely complains of stomach pain or vomiting anymore so I think we have it fairly under control. I am confident next year will be better. difficult child's dad told her she is a waste and will never amount to anything because of one lousy school year. My mom is telling me she will never graduate because I obviously don't care about her getting an education. She thinks she belongs in a group home where she can be better taken care of. This is only her freshman year for heaven's sake and I would hardly call it too late for difficult child to turn around. Thank goodness the school psyh is on my side. He has spoken with me about my mother and her over involvement and he tells me she is over blowing everything. He says he has seen many students much further behind than difficult child in their junior or even senior year and have still graduated. difficult child is a long ways off from that. He tells me I'm doing a great job with a challenging teenager and I deserve a pat on the back. God bless him! He makes up for the negative **** my ex and my mom are telling me. I think I do deserve a little credit so I'm glad I have found it somewhere. For now I'm just looking forward to summer and a much needed break!
     
  20. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    How did it turn out with the doctor? Mother issues aside, I hope that today is a good day for YOU and that your daughter is feeling better
     
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