Thought I'd give an update

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by GuideMe, Sep 24, 2014.

  1. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    Things are still not well at all. In fact, she is in rare gift from god form where she has completely shut down against me and is in full bully mode. Every day I get called names, screamed at, so on and so on. A few weeks ago the neighbors called the cops on us. I truly believe, or I want to believe, they called the cops because they heard her screaming in my face saying "I'm going to kick your a** b*tch!!!" repeatedly over and over again.

    I am making my plan to escape very soon, it's in the works. It's really hard to accept the fact that I have to leave my own home, move and start over just to get away from her. I am so traumatized by all the abuse. I know I barely say anything here on the boards anymore, but how many times can I talk about it?

    My difficult child has said some very horrible, horrible things to me, almost on a daily basis sometimes. One thing she always throws in my face is my past sexual abuse as a child. She mocks me for it. I just don't know if I can ever forgive her.
  2. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    It's so hard living with someone who tells you and truly believes you to be a piece of sh*t. It destroys whatever self esteem I have left.
  3. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    GuideMe, I don't understand why you have to leave. She is an adult and she is being abusive. Why don't you call the police and see if they will arrest her? She is surely breaking the law.

    You don't need this, and you don't deserve this. This is unacceptable, and don't let her cow you.

    Warm hugs. We are here for you.
  4. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    GuideMe, I don't understand why you have to leave. She is an adult and she is being abusive. Why don't you call the police and see if they will arrest her? She is surely breaking the law.

    You don't need this, and you don't deserve this. This is unacceptable, and don't let her cow you.

    Warm hugs. We are here for you.
  5. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    Thank you, it's just too much work, going to courts to try and get her evicted. The police said i need to get her evicted legally. If I go to court and get her served, she has 30 days to leave, and I really fear for my safety.
  6. 4now

    4now Member

    If she is threatening physical harm you can have the police arrest her for terroristic threats. When my son was threatening me and the police were called they gave him the option of leaving my home or being charged with terroristic threats.

    Sent using ConductDisorders
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  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I agree that you shouldn't have to leave your house...she should. Can you stay with somebody for the 30 days until she is legally evicted? I also agree that you should call the cops if she is dangerous. That's different.

    Don't take a word of what she says to heart. She is obviously mean-spirited and wants to hurt you and anyone who would mock anyone's sexual abuse has to be a borderline sociopath. That's just plain sick.

    Hugs to you. You have us behind you and you have the strength to do whatever you feel needs doing.
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  8. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    While I agree with the ladies that you shouldn't be forced out of your home. I can understand why you would be concerned about staying somewhere she has access to.

    Are you planning to move somewhere where she will have little or no access to you? If you are concerned for your safety I would certainly consider it.
  9. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    Thank you everyone. Since she is such a master manipulator, I fear calling or getting the law involved. She is so convincing. I have no ties to this place, it's really not that hard for me to leave so that's a good thing. She will not know where I live when I move. She will have zero access. We simply can never live together. I will help her anyway I can from a far if she needs it, but only to a point that I am comfortable with and it will be a blessing that I will be far away because if I need to say no to certain things she ask for, I plan on doing just what MWM does with her son, and that is gently hang up the phone. It's going to be so different when I finally leave her. I won't feel like a hostage anymore.
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  10. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    There is something to be said for that. Guideme, I'm so very sorry that things are not any better.
  11. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    You are doing the right thing.

    I feel so badly that your child has also betrayed your trust.

    This site is an excellent source of support for everyone who intends to rise up and out of past victimization.

    Positive affirmations will make a dir for you, now.

    Information on the underpinnings of verbally abusive relationship will be helpful, I think.

    Patricia Evans YouTube

    Brene Brown YouTube

    Gratitude journal will begin to give you back to yourself. List 5 things.

    Just five good things.

    As Seeking tells us, stay close to the site.

    We cannot help you make it through to the other side if we don't know you need us.

    We are right here.

  12. 2much2recover

    2much2recover Well-Known Member

    I have had this go on for years and years - and yes the words that they say cut deeply. And they only make sense if you give the words any meaning. That is the point of saying them, they want you to hurt deeply. They are, by their very nature, bullies. Trying to make sense of the what she is saying is truly trying to make sense out of nonsense. You said it yourself it is bully tactics. Plain and simple. I can almost guarantee that if you allow difficult child to drive you out of your own house it will only be a matter of time before difficult child finds another way to terrorize you.
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  13. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

  14. HeadlightsMom

    HeadlightsMom Well-Known Member

    GuideMe -- First, thinking of you with a full heart. As others have said, you just plain don't deserve that.

    Second, I think I'm coming to this story mid-way through. I understand your difficult child is an adult and abusive. I understand that you mention possibly having her evicted.

    My question is this....... If it's your home and she's an adult, why can't you boot her out without getting an eviction? Can you just kick her out? I'm guessing, though, that if you do that, you may want to have a safety plan of some sort in place prior to doing it. Take precautions. Have others with you?

    Ya know, I'm trying to think of how it happened when we booted our 16-yo difficult child out. It was right after another bizarro police incident and he was high. A huge fight erupted and I said, "That's it, you're OUT! NOW!" He refused to go and I knew I had to remove myself from our home before it got worse. So, I stepped outside and walked around the block (with phone in hand -- ALWAYS HAVE PHONE IN HAND FOR 911 CALL, IF NEEDED). I returned 10-15 min later and he stormed out saying he didn't have to take this any more. He was on probation and, apparently, we both called his probation officer at same time (I on my cell phone, he on our landline) leaving messages that he had to go. PO called back pronto (landline) and told him to go to his sister's house. He left -- didn't even pack.

    It was a very tense event, but, in the long run, it set a new series of precedents that remain in place. He has stayed here in short spurts, but he has never (and will never) live here again. We, like you, feel good about helping him from afar whenever it's wise.

    But we need our home to be a safe sanctuary. We all wish that for you, too, GM. Like Scent of Cedar said, stay close to this site and let us know how you're doing. We're here, we care, and we support you!
  15. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Trust me, I understand moving and leaving the kid behind. Unfortunately I dont think we are going to be able to stay gone for much longer but I am not going back until every one of my kids are gone so that could be an issue.