Thought we were doing well. Not so much.

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Tymica, Feb 13, 2014.

  1. Tymica

    Tymica Member

    difficult child was caught dealing pills on school grounds today. Did I mention this was about an hour after his rehab assessment? He is sitting up at the police station right now waiting for JO. I'm not going. Let the system have him. I am done.

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  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Addiction is an ugly disease. And, yes, it is a disease, but it is fixable. Our kids have to want it bad though. There were so many times I thought my daughter was done with drugs only to find stuff in her room or, worse, my car.

    I'm sending you healing vibes for your hurting mommy heart. Sometimes the best thing we can do is let them experience the system. TLC just doesn't do it for drug abuse. Again, so sorry you are hurting.
  3. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry. Sounds like one very rough day in the life of a teenage addict and his mother!

    Unfortunately, because he is 16...You're not done.
    Now I say this while also wanting to emphasise the fact that your son most certainly deserves the consequences he gets.
    However my hope is that son will also get drug rehab at some point soon...he will hopefully learn new ways to cope with life without drugs!

    We can't shelter them enough can we! I did look at your other thread and saw how hard you were trying to be on top of everything. These drug addict kids of ours are pretty sneaky. And well, where there's a will...

    I hope your son will begin to see that painful experiences are NOT WORTH IT. Seems the only way our drug addict children really learn. I don't know why. That's just the way it goes for most of them.

    If you have not started going to Al Anon I think you might want to look into it now. There is great in real life support from others that have gone through similar experiences, made different choices, and are surviving...even enjoying life.

    Hugs for your angry weary heart today.
    Boy, we sure do understand.
  4. Tymica

    Tymica Member

    I did have to go up there to sign some things but I basically told JO that he was out of control and I could not have him in my home anymore. They took him for 72 hours in detention and then 60 day inpatient rehab. I dont think Im going to visit him. At least not for a while. Im so disappointed, hurt, mad, ashamed. If I did see him or talk to him I would have no positive to share.

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  5. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I really do understand your feelings. There came a time with my difficult child that I was so angry I couldn't even look at her. The night before we were going to bring her to rehab she snuck out of the house at night and stayed out til 4am drinking, took a neighbors ladder, put it up to her window and climbed back in. She was still drunk the next day when we drove her her to rehab. I was so angry at her that when we admitted her I couldn't even be civil. I'm sure they thought I was a real witch. I wouldn't go on Sunday for parents day for two weeks, I had to cool down.

    Take this time to recharge your battery and get some good sleep. This is his journey and he better start taking it.
  6. comatheart

    comatheart Active Member

    Im so sorry. I can relate. Sending ((((huge hugs))))
  7. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    Tymica, he is right where he needs to be. You are right where you need to be. Cling to that fact. He is going to dry out, detox and then go to 60 days of rehab. That is great! I believe 60 days is a very decent length of time to start to affect real change.

    You are sad right now because he didn't do---this time---what you had hoped for and thought, prayed, would happen.

    You are mad at him and at this disease that never seems to STOP.

    You are tired, so tired, of all of this stuff that never seems to STOP.

    Now, right now, you have a chance, because he is under room, 3 squares, a bed, heat---you can turn (actually turn away from him and toward yourself) and go in a new direction for a while. This is a honeymoon period! Time for YOU!

    Be kind to yourself. Do one nice thing every single day for yourself---sit in the sun for five minutes on your front steps and do nothing, sit and read the paper with your feet up, take a bubble bath, have a Reese's peanut butter heart (they are in the stores right now and so awesome!). Whatever is special for you. Sometimes I buy myself flowers in the grocery store and every time I walk by them I smile.

    It's the little things, Tymica. It is the little things, and then the tools in our toolbox that we take out every single day---like this site, like readings about Radical Acceptance, meditation, prayer, exercise, Al-Anon meetings and readings and talking with caring Al-Anon friends who get it (for me), and so many other little things to find and regain my own sanity---those things, and walking that walk every single day----Tymica, that will lead you to a better place.

    A place with there is growing peace, calm----yes, contentment---then even joy---regardless. Even if. Even as your precious son continues on his different path, whatever he CHOOSES it to be.

    Blessings and peace to you today and to all of us! As we walk another day on this journey of change.
  8. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    Hugs to you. I am glad he was caught and will be in rehab for 60 days. That is a good thing. The courts, as flawed as they are, can be helpful I think with those that are young Hopefully they have some kind of drug court there that he will have to answer to..... much better that the court set the limits and rules than you! At least that is my experience. I am thankful at this point that my son spent some time in jail and has it hanging over his head. It takes the responsibility off me and lets me just be his mom and love him.

    Your anger is good I think. when I have had that "I am done" feeling it fuels me to be strong and not enable him. If you are anything like me when he is remorseful ,or really hurting, or really trying to help himself you wont feel done anymore. Because of course we are never really done.

    But you can be done with enabling him, with trying to protect him from himself and the system, with trying to control his drug use.

    Now is the time to get some much needed sleep... he is not in your home and he is not on the streets. Stay strong and keep coming here for support. Many of us have been there.


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