Tymica, he is right where he needs to be. You are right where you need to be. Cling to that fact. He is going to dry out, detox and then go to 60 days of rehab. That is great! I believe 60 days is a very decent length of time to start to affect real change.
You are sad right now because he didn't do---this time---what you had hoped for and thought, prayed, would happen.
You are mad at him and at this disease that never seems to STOP.
You are tired, so tired, of all of this stuff that never seems to STOP.
Now, right now, you have a chance, because he is under room, 3 squares, a bed, heat---you can turn (actually turn away from him and toward yourself) and go in a new direction for a while. This is a honeymoon period! Time for YOU!
Be kind to yourself. Do one nice thing every single day for yourself---sit in the sun for five minutes on your front steps and do nothing, sit and read the paper with your feet up, take a bubble bath, have a Reese's peanut butter heart (they are in the stores right now and so awesome!). Whatever is special for you. Sometimes I buy myself flowers in the grocery store and every time I walk by them I smile.
It's the little things, Tymica. It is the little things, and then the tools in our toolbox that we take out every single day---like this site, like readings about Radical Acceptance, meditation, prayer, exercise, Al-Anon meetings and readings and talking with caring Al-Anon friends who get it (for me), and so many other little things to find and regain my own sanity---those things, and walking that walk every single day----Tymica, that will lead you to a better place.
A place with there is growing peace, calm----yes, contentment---then even joy---regardless. Even if. Even as your precious son continues on his different path, whatever he CHOOSES it to be.
Blessings and peace to you today and to all of us! As we walk another day on this journey of change.
