Time to come out of hiding

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by timer lady, Nov 7, 2012.

  1. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    It's been an incredible time since biomonster hit town. She & her hubby have adopted wm. He is no longer a part of my life. I've spent time trying to process this ~ trying to move forward.

    kt is back in town & on a very slippery slope. She's been in & out, back & forth. kt has chosen not to let biomonster adopt her. She has not fallen for the "stories" that the monster is spewing ~ attempting to defend her actions, or lack thereof when it came to kt & wm in the biohome.

    I have been doing my best yet I have found myself drowning in grief. I struggle to "define" myself. I wos once a wife, mother & accountant. I have lost all 3 of those parts of me.

    I'll be checking in on a more regular basis. I'm still taking my school courses & that is keeping me busy & very likely sane at this point.

    Thank you, my friends.

  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    She adopted a full grown man? What? Okay I think I almost get her motives behind that one. He is disabled and always will be so she can get his check while filling his head with junk. Poor William when he ever figures this one out.

    I am so sorry this is so hard on KT and on you. I get losing all you have ever been but you are still you and you have just gone through a bit of a metamorphosis. I believe a beautiful butterfly of another sort is going to come out the other side. No one can take away all those things you were but you will learn to be other things that are going to be just as important and maybe even more important and fun for you.

    Hugs Linda.
  3. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    OMg. That is an awful turn of events. After all you have done, all the progress you made.
    I feel your grief all the way through the computer.
    Many, many hugs. I am so sorry.
    When therapists talk about letting go, I seriously think most of them have no clue what they're talking about.

    I am so glad that you stiill have your classes. And that Kt is moving in a different direction, even if it's not exactly perfect. At least she's not in there with-biomonstermom.
  4. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    And we are still here for you... us Warrior Moms don't give up on our care for our fellow Warrior Moms.
  5. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh Linda, what a mess. I'm sorry. Please do keep posting. Thinking of you and sending prayers for strength your way.
  6. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Linda I worry about you. When you are not with your CD family are you staying in close contact with your "real" family members so you have support? My recurring fear is that you are shutting yourself off from everyone but Kt. I so hope you have frequent support. Hugs DDD
  7. buddy

    buddy New Member

    What a shock, I'm glad you decided to come back! I'm sure it is a mystery how in heck any court could make that kind of a decision for a vulnerable adult after their rights were terminated in the first place, but maybe that is all stuff that can be hidden...uggg.

    My head said (when reading the part about your identity) what your head probably would say to anyone too.....you are not what you DO or your job. But even thinking of Q going to a group home has left me feeling like it would be a huge change in my role. We are through necessity filled beyond typical levels with our mothering role with these kids. Having that change just has to be far more complicated than the typical "empty nest" issues. As many here describe their process of detaching ..there are not many role models for doing that with a child who through no fault of their own will always remain vulnerable and dependent on some level. But we still must do that somehow. I know you have been working intently on that. I think taking those classes is amazing and one thing you can add to your list of who you are is a role model. (no pressure, that does not mean perfection, because no one wants to even have a role model who is unreachable, but I see you as someone who bounces back through so many situations on top of being a very devoted mother to her children over the years).

    I hope KT finds a safe place to land. She has her issues, but she is your daughter and certainly deserves better than the lot she was handed early on.

    You are never alone. You have my number and email...so please know you can text, call, email anytime.

    XXOO Dee
  8. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    (((Linda))) I'm so glad to 'see' you and so sorry for how broken you feel right now. I like what Janet said about this being a change, a sort of metamorphosis for you. You will, of course, come out the other side. For now, be gentle on yourself, continue to reach out to those who love and care about you here and in your personal life. Im glad you're taking classes - that is a good way to occupy your mind with other, new, ideas. Hugs.
  9. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Linda... I have missed you. However I knew you would let us know what was up in your own time. I want to tell you... You are still LINDA. Accountant - maybe not anymore, but that wasn't your most important role. Wife? Mother? Always. No matter what, you are these things until and unless you choose to not be anymore. And if you want to, that's fine too. I would not blame you!!!

    One thing that has not changed, you are still a wonderful friend, and I love you!
  10. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Big hugs, Linda. Thank you for checking in with us.
  11. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    Linda, glad to hear from you. Please check in more often if you can. Sounds like you are down and I know the CD members always make me feel better, just knowing that they care and are there makes things better for me at times. Many hugs and prayers for you.
  12. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    What a mess! Was hoping that things were getting better for you. I hope you find yourself and can be at peace with all that's happened.
  13. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Linda...you know he did this because he is very sick. One of my adopted kids walked out of my life too and will never be back so I know how it hurts, but it WILL get better. There is a person there...Linda...who can now live a life on HER terms. I agree with the wonderful suggestions the other ladies gave you! Also, here's another suggestion: I love kids and am clearly not going to get to be super-grandma anytime soon since my one grandson lives in Missouri and, for other reasons, I barely know him. But...

    I still enjoy kids and got a job surrounded by them all the time. It is only a part-time job, but it really helps. You can always continue to mentor young adults, if you're in the mood/if you are EVER in the mood, and likely those kids will appreciate you more than Wm. was able to.

    Keep in touch with us, yes. And enjoy your freedom. I know your heart will hurt for a long time, so I also hope you are getting therapy. That REALLY helped me!
  14. cubsgirl

    cubsgirl Well-Known Member

    ((hugs)). I'm really happy that you checked in - you have been on my mind lately. I'm sorry for all the garbage going on. You are an awesome person and mother.
  15. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    *HUGS* Linda. That's awful about Wm but I'm glad Kt is making some progress and I hope that continues.
  16. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Many, many hugs Linda. It is a natural feeling to be overcome in grief, when your child abruptly leaves your life. It is like a death. I hope that between this and husband you are possibly thinking of seeking out some grief support groups? Or maybe you are already in them.
    I am proud of kt, despite her struggles, she has maintained a thread of wisdom and a backbone of sorts. You can give yourself credit for that. You instilled that in her. You are still very much her Mom, and she needs you and loves you. Despite the heartbreak that she consistently brings, she still needs a Mom.
    School classes are great! How is your art progressing? I am glad you are reaching back out to the people who love you. You have so much wisdom to share, so many life lessons, that I bet a lot of people on the general board would greatly benefit from your knowledge. Giving back is one of the most uplifting things one can do in a time of grief.
  17. Sheila

    Sheila Moderator

    Just when I think I've heard it all, I haven't. Bio adopted... How many curves can be thrown at the parent of a difficult child.... Primal scream here!!!!!!

    It's good that you're keeping yourself busy. Wish I had the words to alleviate your grief. Big hug
  18. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Linda -- while accountant, wife, mother may not descrive you currently, there are many words that still do...


    I would not have survived this journey without you....you are very important to more people than you know.
  19. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I have to agree with JJJ. I would not have survived this journey without you. As always keeping you in my nightly prayers. I'm glad you are still involved in classes. Are you coming through Madison anytime soon?
  20. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    (((Linda))) I've missed you. I'm sorry your update re:wm isn't more promising, but I am proud of kt so far. But mostly, I'm proud of you.