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Time to Put My Big Girl Panties On
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 395783" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>Fran I believe the same. in my opinion it's my job as a mother. If the desire is there, I've got to try. </p><p></p><p>When you said she doesn't think like my other daughters you definitely hit the nail on the head. In many ways her thought processes are very similar of both Travis and husband. Not as bad as Travis in some ways, far more severe than husband in many. And due to my background I know it's going to make me look a tad stupid but until you wrote that it had never occured to me that Katie might be on the spectrum as well, I know she has many of the traits. But when I think autism, I tend to think in the male sense as it is seen far more often in males.......so while I recognized the traits it just really didn't occur to me it might be possible. But it does guide me in that I won't be able to just spell it out for her like I do for easy child and Nichole because it will probably go right over her head. I'm going to have to approach it more the way I do for Travis with lots of explaining and re-enforcement, probably a lot of pushing to get her to try to do things she's afraid to do with lots of praise if she is able to do those things.</p><p></p><p>As long as she's willing to do the work, I'm willing to help and be there for her. I figured having her state her goals and steps to meet them was a good place to start. It will let me see how realistic they are, and maybe what skills she is lacking completely. I told her I want M to do his separately for that reason. I'm going to keep them separate, but maybe use a combined set for them as a couple. Because as Katie (hopefully) meets her goals and steps, I hope to give her a tangible picture of M's abilities or lack there of. She's not functioned very well these past 10 yrs, but even given that she has functioned better than she believes she has. I want her to see that, I think it's important for her to learn to focus on the positives and let go of the negatives.</p><p></p><p>My focus is not on M really at all. Given his IQ and low level of development and age, not to mention his background, he doesn't have the ability to change in any real sense, although he might gain a few new skills. (miracles have been known to happen) I did tell her she needs to <strong>stop</strong> filling out his applications for him. She can and should help him, but stop doing it <strong>for</strong> him completely. If you don't use a skill you don't get better at it. I told her he has to have some ability to read in order to use the computer. Time he man up and start using it, practicing, improving if possible. She needs to stop being the only "grown up" in this relationship and he needs to take on some responsibility and work as her partner. And that doesn't mean just watching the kids and cooking for her. Ehhh we'll see. They've been together a very long time, the patterns of behavior in their relationship are set pretty much in stone. But maybe it will spark her to look at him more realistically.</p><p></p><p>Even if she's not on the spectrum...........approaching this as if she is may be a sound way of going about it, if for no other reason it will increase my patience threshold a bit. lol</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 395783, member: 84"] Fran I believe the same. in my opinion it's my job as a mother. If the desire is there, I've got to try. When you said she doesn't think like my other daughters you definitely hit the nail on the head. In many ways her thought processes are very similar of both Travis and husband. Not as bad as Travis in some ways, far more severe than husband in many. And due to my background I know it's going to make me look a tad stupid but until you wrote that it had never occured to me that Katie might be on the spectrum as well, I know she has many of the traits. But when I think autism, I tend to think in the male sense as it is seen far more often in males.......so while I recognized the traits it just really didn't occur to me it might be possible. But it does guide me in that I won't be able to just spell it out for her like I do for easy child and Nichole because it will probably go right over her head. I'm going to have to approach it more the way I do for Travis with lots of explaining and re-enforcement, probably a lot of pushing to get her to try to do things she's afraid to do with lots of praise if she is able to do those things. As long as she's willing to do the work, I'm willing to help and be there for her. I figured having her state her goals and steps to meet them was a good place to start. It will let me see how realistic they are, and maybe what skills she is lacking completely. I told her I want M to do his separately for that reason. I'm going to keep them separate, but maybe use a combined set for them as a couple. Because as Katie (hopefully) meets her goals and steps, I hope to give her a tangible picture of M's abilities or lack there of. She's not functioned very well these past 10 yrs, but even given that she has functioned better than she believes she has. I want her to see that, I think it's important for her to learn to focus on the positives and let go of the negatives. My focus is not on M really at all. Given his IQ and low level of development and age, not to mention his background, he doesn't have the ability to change in any real sense, although he might gain a few new skills. (miracles have been known to happen) I did tell her she needs to [B]stop[/B] filling out his applications for him. She can and should help him, but stop doing it [B]for[/B] him completely. If you don't use a skill you don't get better at it. I told her he has to have some ability to read in order to use the computer. Time he man up and start using it, practicing, improving if possible. She needs to stop being the only "grown up" in this relationship and he needs to take on some responsibility and work as her partner. And that doesn't mean just watching the kids and cooking for her. Ehhh we'll see. They've been together a very long time, the patterns of behavior in their relationship are set pretty much in stone. But maybe it will spark her to look at him more realistically. Even if she's not on the spectrum...........approaching this as if she is may be a sound way of going about it, if for no other reason it will increase my patience threshold a bit. lol [/QUOTE]
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