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Substance Abuse
Time to sell his car?
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 517140" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>sell the car. NOW. All that your warnings and second and third and nineteenth chances have done is teach difficult child that you don't mean ANYTHING you say. If you don't follow through on what you say, you send the message that it isn't a big deal and you don't really care, so why should difficult child?</p><p></p><p>You CANNOT understand difficult child right now. You are NOT dealing iwth difficult child. You are dealing with, speaking to, living with addiction. PERIOD. NOTHING difficult child says until he is truly in recovery, not just sober or not using but truly honestly completely in recovery, is the truth. Addicts lie every time their lips move. There are no exceptions no matter how sincere or honest or moving their words and behavior is. It just is what it is.</p><p></p><p>He is annoyed by your threats to sell the car and by you wanting him to not smoke in the car. He is positive you won't sell the car, so why should he bother with your restrictions or respect your property? For that matter, why should he respect you? You have not been honest with him. You told him you would sell the car, but you didn't. Not any of the times you said you would. You have not kicked him out or done anything meaningful to show him that you mean what you have said. So why would he be anything but annoyed by the things you say?</p><p></p><p>I don't mean to be harsh. I am telling you what HE is thinking, NOT what you meant or intended. I know it is shocking and frightening to see the way he is thinking, but it IS what he is thinking, or what his addiction is thinking.</p><p></p><p>You need to do what you said you would do. If he needs to have a full time job or be in school to live at home, then you need to think about how you will handle things because he has flunked out of school and he is NOT going to get that job or if he does actually get a job he sure won't keep it for long. He is positive you don't mean it and it would cut into his partying. </p><p></p><p>Please read mattsmom's thread on this forum if you haven't. Her SO asked her to post some very moving and thought provoking and heartfelt things. PLEASE go to alanon or narcanon family meetings. Addiction is a disease that makes the entire family sick. YOU need treatment even if difficult child never gets it. I am so sorry things are so difficult for you. PLEASE get help for yourself.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 517140, member: 1233"] sell the car. NOW. All that your warnings and second and third and nineteenth chances have done is teach difficult child that you don't mean ANYTHING you say. If you don't follow through on what you say, you send the message that it isn't a big deal and you don't really care, so why should difficult child? You CANNOT understand difficult child right now. You are NOT dealing iwth difficult child. You are dealing with, speaking to, living with addiction. PERIOD. NOTHING difficult child says until he is truly in recovery, not just sober or not using but truly honestly completely in recovery, is the truth. Addicts lie every time their lips move. There are no exceptions no matter how sincere or honest or moving their words and behavior is. It just is what it is. He is annoyed by your threats to sell the car and by you wanting him to not smoke in the car. He is positive you won't sell the car, so why should he bother with your restrictions or respect your property? For that matter, why should he respect you? You have not been honest with him. You told him you would sell the car, but you didn't. Not any of the times you said you would. You have not kicked him out or done anything meaningful to show him that you mean what you have said. So why would he be anything but annoyed by the things you say? I don't mean to be harsh. I am telling you what HE is thinking, NOT what you meant or intended. I know it is shocking and frightening to see the way he is thinking, but it IS what he is thinking, or what his addiction is thinking. You need to do what you said you would do. If he needs to have a full time job or be in school to live at home, then you need to think about how you will handle things because he has flunked out of school and he is NOT going to get that job or if he does actually get a job he sure won't keep it for long. He is positive you don't mean it and it would cut into his partying. Please read mattsmom's thread on this forum if you haven't. Her SO asked her to post some very moving and thought provoking and heartfelt things. PLEASE go to alanon or narcanon family meetings. Addiction is a disease that makes the entire family sick. YOU need treatment even if difficult child never gets it. I am so sorry things are so difficult for you. PLEASE get help for yourself. [/QUOTE]
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