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Time to tell my story-long
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 32194" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi. First of all, not all adopted kids are messes. I have four of them, two grown, productive and fine. Secondly, I just finished reading a book about a girl who was alchol affected. If you can get him tested, maybe by a neuropsychologist, and can sort of prove it, there is help. Fetal affected adults CAN NOT live on their own. They WILL fail. The book I read was very good, up to date--and very firm about this. They need structure and support so that they DON'T do things like steal, so that they can manage day-to-day, etc. They do not have the cognitive skills to live alone, even if they have normal IQ's. 80 is just a little below average, but he obviously has problems beyond that. Too bad his IQ isn't 69. THAT is when you are considered cognitively impaired. It will be harder for him to get help, but he probably should be in some sort of assisted living program. No conscience is a big symptom of fetal alcohol spectrum, as it's now called. These people also tend to steal a lot, don't know why. They do not and can not learn from their mistakes. It's organic brain damage, and not their faults. I just took the book back to the library, or I'd give you the name and author. I'm sorry that I can't remember, but their child was labeled everything in the world until they figured out themselves that the child was alcohol affected. The adult child was very relieved to find out why she got into so much trouble, but it didn't stop her from getting into trouble--which is so par for the course. And many end up in jail. It's really sad. I hope you can figure it out and get him some supports. Remember that when you married this man, you also agreed to accept his kids, whatever their problems may be. It's a package deal. With a disabled child, it's a package deal for life, unfortunately. On the hygiene note both my grown sons were meticulous at that age, trying to look good for the girls.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 32194, member: 1550"] Hi. First of all, not all adopted kids are messes. I have four of them, two grown, productive and fine. Secondly, I just finished reading a book about a girl who was alchol affected. If you can get him tested, maybe by a neuropsychologist, and can sort of prove it, there is help. Fetal affected adults CAN NOT live on their own. They WILL fail. The book I read was very good, up to date--and very firm about this. They need structure and support so that they DON'T do things like steal, so that they can manage day-to-day, etc. They do not have the cognitive skills to live alone, even if they have normal IQ's. 80 is just a little below average, but he obviously has problems beyond that. Too bad his IQ isn't 69. THAT is when you are considered cognitively impaired. It will be harder for him to get help, but he probably should be in some sort of assisted living program. No conscience is a big symptom of fetal alcohol spectrum, as it's now called. These people also tend to steal a lot, don't know why. They do not and can not learn from their mistakes. It's organic brain damage, and not their faults. I just took the book back to the library, or I'd give you the name and author. I'm sorry that I can't remember, but their child was labeled everything in the world until they figured out themselves that the child was alcohol affected. The adult child was very relieved to find out why she got into so much trouble, but it didn't stop her from getting into trouble--which is so par for the course. And many end up in jail. It's really sad. I hope you can figure it out and get him some supports. Remember that when you married this man, you also agreed to accept his kids, whatever their problems may be. It's a package deal. With a disabled child, it's a package deal for life, unfortunately. On the hygiene note both my grown sons were meticulous at that age, trying to look good for the girls. [/QUOTE]
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