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Time to update on easy child...
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 419084" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I am so sorry that she is so ill. It is so hard to be in so much pain and even harder to hide it. Please be aware that even if there are NO items sharp enough to cut, she can still find ways to hurt herself. Many cutters deny it for years. It wasn't until my mother saw that Wiz was cutting that she admitted to anyone that she was also doing it. I knew, because I did laundry while we lived with her. I also just knew. I first learned about it in 7th grade. I had just moved from Catholic school with uniforms to public school with-o them and I had NO fashion sense. The other kids ripped me into pieces. I would sit in the bathroom or my room and cry silently and rake my fingernails up and down my upper thighs, sometimes to the point I gouged grooves into my legs. Why did I start, where did I get the idea? I came down in the middle of the night one night and saw my mother doing it and crying. Only she didn't use her nails, she had scissors. To this day she denies it, says she only ever cut for a week or two here and tehre. I saw her and realized it somehow helped her cope wtih the pain, so I tried it. I stopped because it made me feel worse and made me feel I had to hide even more. </p><p> </p><p>Your daughter will do and say a LOT of things to make it sound and look like she is working to help others stop or not need to do what she is doing. You are right about the lips moving, and the entire family will need help getting through this.</p><p> </p><p>It may be very helpful for you to see a therapist of your own, to help you navigate through your feelings regarding this. One thing you may want to consider is the label of easy child. Of course easy child's have problems, but this is maybe a sign or more problems than the easy child label can clearly express. remember as you deal with your own hurt and pain over this that she is also in a LOT of pain. </p><p> </p><p>It may help your overall relationship with your difficult child to let him know that you are sorry that you thought he was trying to make trouble or turn the focus away from him onto her when he told you that easy child had problems. That you know he was telling you that she was in real trouble, big trouble, and that you are sorry that you didn't listen when he told you this.</p><p> </p><p>From experience I can tell you that just the sincere apology can take away a good chunk of the hurt that difficult child endured when you didn't believe him. I was the easy child in our house, but nothing positive ever came from telling an adult that my bro was doing dangerous things like smoking, drinking and using drugs. Years later my mother and father finally realized what had happened, that they asked us to tell them if we saw each other doing these things, yet never believed it when I told them. Of course a lot of anger had built up over the years of this, but their apology let me release the hurt and anger and move on. It didn't change anything that happened in the past, but it had a HUGE impact on our relationship from that point on. Parents are not perfect, and it is often hard to think that your child would do these things after all that you did to teach them not to. Apologizing to your difficult child will let him know that you understand he was not trying to hurt easy child or you, but that he was truly worried about her and was asking for help for her. Chances are it will mean a LOT to him, whether he acts like it now or not.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 419084, member: 1233"] I am so sorry that she is so ill. It is so hard to be in so much pain and even harder to hide it. Please be aware that even if there are NO items sharp enough to cut, she can still find ways to hurt herself. Many cutters deny it for years. It wasn't until my mother saw that Wiz was cutting that she admitted to anyone that she was also doing it. I knew, because I did laundry while we lived with her. I also just knew. I first learned about it in 7th grade. I had just moved from Catholic school with uniforms to public school with-o them and I had NO fashion sense. The other kids ripped me into pieces. I would sit in the bathroom or my room and cry silently and rake my fingernails up and down my upper thighs, sometimes to the point I gouged grooves into my legs. Why did I start, where did I get the idea? I came down in the middle of the night one night and saw my mother doing it and crying. Only she didn't use her nails, she had scissors. To this day she denies it, says she only ever cut for a week or two here and tehre. I saw her and realized it somehow helped her cope wtih the pain, so I tried it. I stopped because it made me feel worse and made me feel I had to hide even more. Your daughter will do and say a LOT of things to make it sound and look like she is working to help others stop or not need to do what she is doing. You are right about the lips moving, and the entire family will need help getting through this. It may be very helpful for you to see a therapist of your own, to help you navigate through your feelings regarding this. One thing you may want to consider is the label of easy child. Of course easy child's have problems, but this is maybe a sign or more problems than the easy child label can clearly express. remember as you deal with your own hurt and pain over this that she is also in a LOT of pain. It may help your overall relationship with your difficult child to let him know that you are sorry that you thought he was trying to make trouble or turn the focus away from him onto her when he told you that easy child had problems. That you know he was telling you that she was in real trouble, big trouble, and that you are sorry that you didn't listen when he told you this. From experience I can tell you that just the sincere apology can take away a good chunk of the hurt that difficult child endured when you didn't believe him. I was the easy child in our house, but nothing positive ever came from telling an adult that my bro was doing dangerous things like smoking, drinking and using drugs. Years later my mother and father finally realized what had happened, that they asked us to tell them if we saw each other doing these things, yet never believed it when I told them. Of course a lot of anger had built up over the years of this, but their apology let me release the hurt and anger and move on. It didn't change anything that happened in the past, but it had a HUGE impact on our relationship from that point on. Parents are not perfect, and it is often hard to think that your child would do these things after all that you did to teach them not to. Apologizing to your difficult child will let him know that you understand he was not trying to hurt easy child or you, but that he was truly worried about her and was asking for help for her. Chances are it will mean a LOT to him, whether he acts like it now or not. [/QUOTE]
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