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Tiptoeing to a new place with difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 621884" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Echolette, you have been speaking truth to your son for some time, now. </p><p></p><p>He is listening, Echo.</p><p></p><p>I have become aware just lately of how I became the kind of mom I am. I stopped telling my kids true things about themselves (or about who I really was) when everything went so wrong. </p><p></p><p>Rather than honesty, I chose hope. Chose belief. Chose faith and persistence and positivity.</p><p></p><p>But I watched them like hawks, Echo.</p><p></p><p>Beneath it all, I so resented who they were, what they had done to my children.</p><p></p><p>It hasn't been until just lately that I am figuring out that my children are their own. Not mine. When I am not honest enough to say what I see and what I think about that ~ when I find the bright spot and babble on about that ~ what kind of guidance is that from your own mother? Not good, that's what. </p><p>You are being honest with your son about how you feel about what he does. He is learning to respect you for the person you are. Not just his mom, that person who loves him no matter what. Not just his mom, who defends him even when he is going a wrong way <u>and he knows it.</u></p><p></p><p>This path of detachment, which I leaped at because it was the one thing I had not done yet, is working. It's working for us, and it seems to be helping our kids too, to see something real. They will be angry, they will feel betrayed...but then, it seems like they are beginning to stand up, Echo.</p><p></p><p>Nothing else we have done has helped them (or us). I feel so much cleaner when I am not patronizing my kids or fooling myself. If I am a force to be reckoned with instead of a soft place to land...it's beginning to look like they contend with the force and, in standing against it, develop the strength they need to fight for their own lives.</p><p></p><p>That is what I think I have been seeing, lately.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 621884, member: 17461"] Echolette, you have been speaking truth to your son for some time, now. He is listening, Echo. I have become aware just lately of how I became the kind of mom I am. I stopped telling my kids true things about themselves (or about who I really was) when everything went so wrong. Rather than honesty, I chose hope. Chose belief. Chose faith and persistence and positivity. But I watched them like hawks, Echo. Beneath it all, I so resented who they were, what they had done to my children. It hasn't been until just lately that I am figuring out that my children are their own. Not mine. When I am not honest enough to say what I see and what I think about that ~ when I find the bright spot and babble on about that ~ what kind of guidance is that from your own mother? Not good, that's what. You are being honest with your son about how you feel about what he does. He is learning to respect you for the person you are. Not just his mom, that person who loves him no matter what. Not just his mom, who defends him even when he is going a wrong way [U]and he knows it.[/U] This path of detachment, which I leaped at because it was the one thing I had not done yet, is working. It's working for us, and it seems to be helping our kids too, to see something real. They will be angry, they will feel betrayed...but then, it seems like they are beginning to stand up, Echo. Nothing else we have done has helped them (or us). I feel so much cleaner when I am not patronizing my kids or fooling myself. If I am a force to be reckoned with instead of a soft place to land...it's beginning to look like they contend with the force and, in standing against it, develop the strength they need to fight for their own lives. That is what I think I have been seeing, lately. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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