Tired and weary of battle

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Payla, Dec 2, 2012.

  1. Payla

    Payla New Member

    My difficult child is homeless again for 1 day and calls have been relentless. I have let my voicemail box fill up at work so he can't leave messages. I have receptionists informed to call police if he shows up. I have restraining order and hadn't called police up to now , opting to ignore calls just out of kindness. But now he has been calling house which he rarely did and wants same thing; money and rescue. I told him on phone yesterday if he checked into ER we would take his dog. I am sooooo tired. He left message last night that he wants to meet me at dunkin donuts to talk. I'm not going of course, but now our weekend is impacted by waiting for him to show up here ( we will call police) or constant phone messages. I have been dreading this for a long time. His name in paper again, jail maybe? Then he gets out and it all continues ? I feel just rotten today. I love him and this is eating at me constantly. I am not having trouble taking these steps, but I am just tired and resentful and I admit, embarrassed as this is a small town. Also, just sick wondering where it will all end?
     
  2. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Tons of (((((((HUGS))))))))
     
  3. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry, Payla. Wish I could offer some kind of help. Ditto the Hugs.
     
  4. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Payla, I'm sorry. Gosh, I know how you feel. My difficult child was arrested and it was in the local paper. I live in a small town too and the CFO where I work gave me the article which featured my difficult child. Ugh. It is embarrassing, I know. I think the important difference is that you've changed. He may go on and on with his behavior, however, you've made enormous strides in your behavior, setting strong boundaries and being true to yourself. I found that over time, when they no longer receive the result they are looking for, they stop. I don't know where it will end for your son, however, hopefully you will get to a place where the distance from him allows you to live a normal, happy and what I always hope for, "uneventful" life. Hang in there Payla, you're doing a wonderful job and along the way it is tiring, embarrassing and feelings of resentment are par for the course too.... I know............(((HUGS))))...(turn your phone off)
     
  5. Payla

    Payla New Member

    Thank you RE for the encouragement and understanding.
     
  6. cubsgirl

    cubsgirl Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry you are dealing with this! ((hugs))
     
  7. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Hugs Payla, I pray he will just realize you mean it and stop. Can you block his number or is he calling from different places? I hate voice mail, can you ask your phone company to turn the option off? Texts and emails are easier to delete and ignore.
     
  8. Payla

    Payla New Member

    Thank you Buddy. My voicemail is work voicemail and I can't block him. That's ok, letting it get filled up prevents him from leaving message. It's just all so sad. My husband answered a call today and told him I wasn't going to talk to him and one more call we would report his violating the restraining order. He hasn't called back. I do worry at what may happen next since no access to me is a whole new deal for him.i don't know what he is involved in or what kind of people he is with so we have to be careful.
     
  9. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    Hang strong, Payla!

    He's 33 and it's dang near hardwired into him that you are his lifesaver in a stormy ocean. It's going to take a lot of grit on your part to fight those impulses that are dang near hardwired that have allowed you to enable him all his adult life.

    He's 33. A man.

    Hugs!
     
  10. Payla

    Payla New Member

    Well, my son got in touch with his sister today to ask her to let me know he is doing heroin and wanted to go to rehab. I called him and he immediately wanted cash to get his flat tire patched. I told him no cash, my husband and I would drive to where he is take his dog with us, and drop him at hospital. I said we would get tire patched when he gets out. I told him to make sure he tells them he has no ins no money, no home. I told him we are not helping pay for methadone ( which we did when he detoxed from prescription pain killers) and we are not helping financially in anyway when he gets out. He thought this was so mean; after 15 years of us pouring 10 s of thousands into one rescue after the other. So my husband and I took the afternoon off on short notice at work, I bought some underwear and socks that he said he needed and we were getting ready to leave when my daughter texted to say I had to call him before we left. I did and he said I think I will go tomorrow cuz I have no ins and they will have to send me somewhere that has a bed. I said what is different between today and tomorrow as far as you having no ins? He said, Don't come . And hung up.
    I am not upset, weirdly calm and I am really just done with feeling horrible. I am seeing him for who he is. I am not letting him ruin our lives anymore. I am angry that there will be plenty more to come with this, but no longer in anyway, unclear about what I am not willing to do. Wow, so awful.
     
    Last edited: Dec 3, 2012
  11. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Many hugs............I know how you feel. Hang tough. You're doing a great job. And, it really bites.
     
  12. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    Everything you're doing, or not doing, is out of love. You are doing a good lob of staying strong. I know it's so painful, hugs.
     
  13. FlowerGarden

    FlowerGarden Active Member

    Sending hugs and positive thoughts your way.
     
  14. Tiredof33

    Tiredof33 Active Member

    Payla, my difficult child is about your's age. I also am tired of the drama and when will it end?

    WELL..... this week I hit rock bottom!!! My son is threatening suicide if I don't send money and then another text 'I am out of your perefect life forever, enjoy it without me'. OK, I just think I will.

    The son I loved has grown into a mean, spiteful, and selfish man. I don't care if it is the drugs and alcohol talking, I refuse to be treated this way anymore.

    Christmas is coming and I usually hear from him around this time and his birthday. I probably will not hear from him this time 'cause he knows I will not send money and that is all he wants.

    Sad situation and I can not do any of it any more. I live in a small town and he has posted trash of FB about suicide and other nasty things - people love to talk - yes it is embarrassing. He has lied but I know he is back with the girlie that I had to call the police to stop her harrassment - at least she is out of MY hair.

    I am so glad we moved away after we retired. Sending mountains of loving thoughts and prayers your way, no mother should have to deal with any of this ****.

    Please take care of yourself!
     
  15. Payla

    Payla New Member

    Thank you for your reply and support Tiredof33. I send prayers back to you also. It takes a lot of work to get through each day and to take some joy and happiness from our lives, but I am finding it is possible. But I never was prepared for this pain and suffering at this point in my life!
     
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