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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 209230" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Artana - </p><p> </p><p>Hi and welcome. Dont believe we've spoken before, nice to meet you. I tell Moms of younger children with my son being 18 now - if I had to do ONE thing over again? I would have let go of the words SHOULD HAVE. </p><p> </p><p>Reason: Very logical actually - think about it like this - You are in a voliatle situation, your child explodes, something happens, YOU react. In that moment BEFORE you react - did you </p><p>1.) Consider what was BEST in a flash for your child? </p><p>2.) Consider how you could totally mess things up worse and do it?</p><p> </p><p>Here's where Mothers can really start to TRAIN themselves to give themselves a break. I love my child. Is he frustrating? Yes. Am I a bad Mom because I get exhausted, yell, have a fit, throw a Mom-trum? Nope. I AM HUMAN. As a Human - I have certain Do-overs that I can attend to and there are certain situations that I just have to say "You know what? I made the BEST choice I could at THAT moment for WHAT I KNEW about my childs outburst." </p><p> </p><p>To sit back and continually say "I should have" means to me - that I KNEW better and continually made poor choices. Mistakes happen. If you aren't happy with how your parenting skills are progressing with a child who has issues - GET SOME EDUCATION. Knowledge is POWER!!!!! </p><p> </p><p>I am constantly amazed at how much I can offer NOW to parents who have no clue about IEP's, and the school district paying for shadows and at the worst before expulsion from schools? Even a home teacher for a few hours a few days a week. These things ARE available. </p><p> </p><p>So are Classes at NAMI, Parenting groups, - books that you can buy through this site to help offset the cost of operation (nice plug huh?) and there's just coming here too - but NOT just here. EDUCATE yourself - read the forums, ASK questions, get involved with local groups or start one - call your local Ombudsmans office and ask for help - call DSS, call any agency that deals with mentally ill children and FIND a place and FIND the help you both need. I personally HIGHLY recommend therapy with a therapist you like and trust. If the first 3 are bad - keep going - My son has been in therapy for 11 years....and on his own at 18? He CALLED mental health - NOW THAT IS AMAZING - and - despite allthe arguments of "I"M NOT GOING" it's paid off for us. </p><p> </p><p>So stop beating yourself up before your kid gets the idea that THAT is what HE should do when HE makes a mistake.....and I recommend a course on EFFECTIVE communication - it teaches us HOW to speak and react to our children......WORTH it's WEIGHT in gold. (the books) Another book is How to speak so children will listen and how to listen so your children will speak - SHOULD come with an infant.....and works. </p><p> </p><p>Glad you are here - </p><p>Hugs</p><p>Best of LUCK </p><p>NOW GET OUT THERE GIRL AND GET YE AND EDUCATION!!!! </p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/tongue.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":tongue:" title="tongue :tongue:" data-shortname=":tongue:" /></p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 209230, member: 4964"] Artana - Hi and welcome. Dont believe we've spoken before, nice to meet you. I tell Moms of younger children with my son being 18 now - if I had to do ONE thing over again? I would have let go of the words SHOULD HAVE. Reason: Very logical actually - think about it like this - You are in a voliatle situation, your child explodes, something happens, YOU react. In that moment BEFORE you react - did you 1.) Consider what was BEST in a flash for your child? 2.) Consider how you could totally mess things up worse and do it? Here's where Mothers can really start to TRAIN themselves to give themselves a break. I love my child. Is he frustrating? Yes. Am I a bad Mom because I get exhausted, yell, have a fit, throw a Mom-trum? Nope. I AM HUMAN. As a Human - I have certain Do-overs that I can attend to and there are certain situations that I just have to say "You know what? I made the BEST choice I could at THAT moment for WHAT I KNEW about my childs outburst." To sit back and continually say "I should have" means to me - that I KNEW better and continually made poor choices. Mistakes happen. If you aren't happy with how your parenting skills are progressing with a child who has issues - GET SOME EDUCATION. Knowledge is POWER!!!!! I am constantly amazed at how much I can offer NOW to parents who have no clue about IEP's, and the school district paying for shadows and at the worst before expulsion from schools? Even a home teacher for a few hours a few days a week. These things ARE available. So are Classes at NAMI, Parenting groups, - books that you can buy through this site to help offset the cost of operation (nice plug huh?) and there's just coming here too - but NOT just here. EDUCATE yourself - read the forums, ASK questions, get involved with local groups or start one - call your local Ombudsmans office and ask for help - call DSS, call any agency that deals with mentally ill children and FIND a place and FIND the help you both need. I personally HIGHLY recommend therapy with a therapist you like and trust. If the first 3 are bad - keep going - My son has been in therapy for 11 years....and on his own at 18? He CALLED mental health - NOW THAT IS AMAZING - and - despite allthe arguments of "I"M NOT GOING" it's paid off for us. So stop beating yourself up before your kid gets the idea that THAT is what HE should do when HE makes a mistake.....and I recommend a course on EFFECTIVE communication - it teaches us HOW to speak and react to our children......WORTH it's WEIGHT in gold. (the books) Another book is How to speak so children will listen and how to listen so your children will speak - SHOULD come with an infant.....and works. Glad you are here - Hugs Best of LUCK NOW GET OUT THERE GIRL AND GET YE AND EDUCATION!!!! :raspberry-tounge: Star [/QUOTE]
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