This morning I woke tk up for school like I do every day. She went to the bathroom and was taking a long time in there. I knocked on her door because it was time for breakfast. She opened the door it was obvious she was playing in the water, which ordinarily would of been a quick "come on out of there" but I got smacked in the face with a stench. I looked at her toilet and it was filled to the lid with toilet paper and urine. Obviously had not been flushed since I cleaned her bathroom a week ago. I walked in flushed the toilet and turned around and lost it. My hubs has been telling boyo to use his and tk's bathroom trying to phase out the tromping through our bedroom for boyo to use ours. Boyo started going to the bathroom down stairs instead of using the bathroom tk uses. I had no idea why I figured it was one of the idiosyncrasies of parenting a 3 year old. I now understand why. I spanked tk and cleaned the toilet and sent her down to have breakfast. While she was having breakfast I asked her why of course no answer. I asked her if she did this at school or her one friend's house and she said no. I asked her why do it here then. There's no way she hasn't noticed that. I texted her biodad and vented because we had a conversation yesterday about tk's issues and he told me he thought she was fine once again and I told him he hasn't seen her in a year except for Easter weekend(because he didn't live here and lived 1500 miles away) He was grossed out but god only knows if it registered. I straight told him "you still think nothing is wrong?" You know she's not raised this way. I am freaking out a little bit because to was supposed to move in with him at the end of the school year. I've been trying to make sure he takes her to counseling if she stays with him. Because its clear to me she needs help. These arrangements were made before his girlfriend came up pregnant again and before he actually moved up here. He is having all kinds of difficulty getting into an apartment here because he is supposed to make four times the amount of rent to qualify for an apartment, and houses to rent here are more expensive. When he does qualify it will be for a two bedroom not a three. He already has a 1 year old with his girlfriend and now is expecting another and wants to move our 8 year old into a bedroom with the toddler. It's so obvious this isn't going to work out. I know he wants to have tk back in his life and truthfully she might behave better for him but clearly this is not going to work out. I wish he would be a realist about this because tk doesn't have to go but I need to make plans for her to come with us when we move. I just feel like a total failure. My friend who knows tk well told me this is not my fault and I am doing the best I can. I know that's true but I am just at a loss. After tk visited her dad over Easter she was on an up cycle we spent some time just us and had a few giggles. Hubs was in the hospital and boyo stayed with dad another week we really had a good time. Then hubs got out of the hospital and she started trickling into all the tk behavior and then brother was coming home and she lost whatever thread that was keeping her together enough to spend good time with me.