tk toilet issue

[InsaneCdn]

I want to feel as ecstatic over her as I do with my other kids

That may come in time.
There is so much that she CAN learn - it will just take a lot longer.
Other parents (of "typical" kids) won't understand your joy when it happens.
But WE do.

 

[Dixies_fire]

Decent day with tk she spent Saturday at her dad's hanging out with her dad's girlfriend getting nails done and hair played with. She suckered dad's girlfriend into washing her hair. Which she does herself most of the time. Trying not to have hurt feelings about her bonding with the girlfriend. She doesn't need my issues.

Most of the reason we got along today was just my refusal to get fed up. She took forever about homework, she didn't want to eat, she was running around upstairs long after I put her to bed. But we rented the movie I've been looking for, for two weeks. Hubs was down to watch it with me without trying to go to sleep in the middle of it and being attentive.

Hubs and I had a squabble yesterday about an hour after I discovered my first monthly visitor in over two years. He started with his difficult child hub bull **** and I didn't bite my tongue like I've been doing.
He has been nicer since.
Which is good because my hormones are going nuts.

So I tried to be nicer and just let go a little of the iron control I usually try to have, and it worked out, at least today. Even though it wasn't my way no one was hurt, no one including myself cried or was upset and we even laughed a couple of times. I wish I could hold on to this a little longer. But today was as close as I've come to a win in a while.

 

[InsaneCdn]

let go a little of the iron control I usually try to have,

Read more: http://www.conductdisorders.com/forum/f6/tk-toilet-issue-53467/index2.html#ixzz2RIQWRaPk

Lots of us have had to learn this lesson.
"iron control" usually results in sparks flying...

We've learned to let "structure" and "rules" be the control, rather than it being so personal - and it works better.
It's harder for a kid to get mad at a calendar, than to get mad at a parent.
In fact... that's even true for a typical teenager!

 

[TiredSoul]

Well I've revised my working hypothesis since coming to this group.

I thought it was just defiant behavior but some of the things these ladies talk about I've noticed in tk before.

Tk
Extremely smart
Performs over grade level
Emotional maturity is younger
Has issues making friends own age
Not so much the keeping of them as the making of them. She has one solid friend who just turned seven.
She's bossy
She's not over sensitive if anything under sensitive
Doesn't react to people or things like most kids do
Has only recently started wanting to be hugged or touched.
She doesn't have interests she has obsessions
Has a slight motor delay. Can't open a soda can or the top of a water bottle. Took a long time about opening doors
Underweight
Doesn't eat well but eating better than she ever has before now but has issues with texture or colors and separating things on a plate. For six years she would eat approximately 5 foods. Now it's up to about 20.
Will get in trouble for the same thing every day and still keeps doing it.
Doesn't care how other people feel.
More heart broken over the death of a cat than the death of her grand father who she was close to.
Seems like the only things she absolutely doesn't do are the things that have been drilled into her since birth. Don't hit mom so she hits brother instead.
Takes out most of her anger on her brother
Gets angry with very little provocation
"He ate my cookie" after she tried to shake him to death
"He touched my towel" she pounced on him tackling him to the ground"
Manipulative
Literal
Nothing really penetrates.
She is either happy or angry there is no sad or anything in between.
She never shuts up
She asks questions over and over that she knows the answer to.
A lot of people think I'm mental for thinking anything is wrong with her most people would not notice what's going on with her on a short visit or over a day or two.
Her baby sitter was the first person to come to me about the same things I was noticing.
My husband who is her step father before he completely lost his grip mentioned some of the same things that concerned me.
My mom who previously told me I was crazy for thinking anything was wrong with her spent a month with us and no longer thinks I'm crazy.

Tk doesn't curse. I'm glad she doesn't but it might make me feel better about her emotional growth if I ever caught her just once.

She doesn't notice boys not even "he's cute!"

I know boys don't really notice girls at that age but tk's younger best friend thinks this kids music singer Matty b is dreamy and wants to marry him when she gets older. I am not really sure if that's part of it or not but I know I had a couple of crushes by that age I thought prince William was dreamy.

I need to put together a list for every time someone asks me this question so I can notice quicker what behaviors are sticking around when they started that kind of thing.

Great list! Wow almost everything on your list applies to my 11 yo difficult child son. His diagnosis's are ADHD and ODD. We are still trying to figure him out. I see sensory issues and possibly autism spectrum'ish issues in both our difficult child's. I have begun to wonder if it is just temperament they are born with and maybe there isn't always an answer to "why" they are like this.

 

[InsaneCdn]

JMO... there is always an answer. We may not know how to find the answers... they answers may not have been found yet. But there will be a reason.

"Just temperament" to me is a cop-out. I prefer "wired differently"... which acknowledges that there are reasons why difficult child is what he/she is, and it's not about learning to change your temperament (sorry, spent too many years being told that).

 

[TiredSoul]

JMO... there is always an answer. We may not know how to find the answers... they answers may not have been found yet. But there will be a reason.

"Just temperament" to me is a cop-out. I prefer "wired differently"... which acknowledges that there are reasons why difficult child is what he/she is, and it's not about learning to change your temperament (sorry, spent too many years being told that).

I think for me personally, I have spent so many years trying to figure out the "why" when it may have served me better to skip that and focus on finding things that help. It's frustrating looking back over the years and still having the same issues overall.

 

[InsaneCdn]

Jules... {{hugs}} I understand that feeling. husband used to get really upset with all the time and effort I spent trying to get answers... until we got answers. "Only" took 12 years... and yet, even with a HS-age difficult child, it's been worth it to get the answers, because we didn't get the right help until we got the right answers. The diagnosis list has been absolutely critical for us... and for our difficult child in understanding who he is.