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To Adopt or Not to Adopt---That is the question!
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 107741" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>WOW - poor kids, one can only imagine the things that they've had to endure with limited (due to age) coping skills. I imagine your girl has done the best she could to get by with what she knew at the tender age of 7. Sounds like your boy made it through hell a little less worse for wear. </p><p></p><p>And yes, you would think after 1 year in a stable home it would knock some of those odd behaviors out completely. My son lived in a life of abuse and yelling, screaming, crying, drugs, booze other women - and he's 17, with counseling since he was 6, therapy, hospitializations, Residential Treatment Center (RTC), medications - and he's still much like he was at 6 - angry, impulsive, but better able to cope with the thoughts in his head as he matures and has a stable home, loving parents, and guidance. </p><p></p><p>Anymore I guess I don't know what is normal behavior for someone 8 years old. I can only tell you that the things my son did were not normal and what you are describing of your girl may not be normal by standards - but considering what she's been through - what IS normal? There's a lot of anger in those tantrums, There are a lot of memories that she may not even be conscious of - just fears. Considering what they endured - a year isn't a very long time to heal. It's a GREAT start. Only time will tell if she's going to be manageable. </p><p></p><p>My Mommy sense says - she's going to be a handful for a long time to come. Some people are able to adapt and adjust - some never quite attain that peace in their lives. We as parents can only put tools in their paths to help them facilitate change and pray that they do. </p><p></p><p>I understand your heart - you feel between a rock and a hard place. Not a great place to be considering she's already had her life upside down and torn. Makes you want to love her all the more - but like you said you do have the other kids to consider. Do you have to adopt both children? Do you have to make a decision now? If you didn't adopt here where would she go? It's tought to make her accountable for her actions at age 8 - but then again at what age DO you? </p><p></p><p>We're here to support you - whatever your decision is. post as often as you need to for information and advice - if we dont' know it we can always look in the archives or on line to help</p><p></p><p>Many hugs for your hurting heart -</p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 107741, member: 4964"] WOW - poor kids, one can only imagine the things that they've had to endure with limited (due to age) coping skills. I imagine your girl has done the best she could to get by with what she knew at the tender age of 7. Sounds like your boy made it through hell a little less worse for wear. And yes, you would think after 1 year in a stable home it would knock some of those odd behaviors out completely. My son lived in a life of abuse and yelling, screaming, crying, drugs, booze other women - and he's 17, with counseling since he was 6, therapy, hospitializations, Residential Treatment Center (RTC), medications - and he's still much like he was at 6 - angry, impulsive, but better able to cope with the thoughts in his head as he matures and has a stable home, loving parents, and guidance. Anymore I guess I don't know what is normal behavior for someone 8 years old. I can only tell you that the things my son did were not normal and what you are describing of your girl may not be normal by standards - but considering what she's been through - what IS normal? There's a lot of anger in those tantrums, There are a lot of memories that she may not even be conscious of - just fears. Considering what they endured - a year isn't a very long time to heal. It's a GREAT start. Only time will tell if she's going to be manageable. My Mommy sense says - she's going to be a handful for a long time to come. Some people are able to adapt and adjust - some never quite attain that peace in their lives. We as parents can only put tools in their paths to help them facilitate change and pray that they do. I understand your heart - you feel between a rock and a hard place. Not a great place to be considering she's already had her life upside down and torn. Makes you want to love her all the more - but like you said you do have the other kids to consider. Do you have to adopt both children? Do you have to make a decision now? If you didn't adopt here where would she go? It's tought to make her accountable for her actions at age 8 - but then again at what age DO you? We're here to support you - whatever your decision is. post as often as you need to for information and advice - if we dont' know it we can always look in the archives or on line to help Many hugs for your hurting heart - Star [/QUOTE]
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To Adopt or Not to Adopt---That is the question!
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