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To Adopt or Not to Adopt---That is the question!
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<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 107773" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>If you're positive about the Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) diagnosis, she's not going to be "fixed" in a short time. Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) therapy is for the long-haul. It is hard, painful and, occasionally, successful. Besides The Explosive Child, do check out Keck's Adopting the Hurt Child.</p><p></p><p>I can tell you that my daughter walked in with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) at age 3.5. After years of therapy, a stay at an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) in her teens, she is now a young woman who I proud (most of the time) to call my daughter. She will argue the word "no" until she is blue in the face. She still thinks the world should revolve around her. If she does any act of kindness, it must be profusely acknowledged and you should be eternally greatful.</p><p></p><p>If this were a stranger adoption, I would caution against adopting a Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) child with other children in the home. Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) kids usually do much better in a single-child household. However, she is family and that has to make your decision that much harder. </p><p></p><p>I would talk to her therapist, the social workers involved and get some real answers. Find out exactly what services are available now and what services will be available after the adoption is finalized. Get them in writing.</p><p></p><p>You will ultimately have to decide what is best for everyone. I'm sorry you are in this position. </p><p></p><p>For now, here's what I did when my daughter went through her tantrum stage. They quit when she saw they wouldn't work. It took my daughter about 8 months to get that message. (Persistent critters, aren't they?) And you do have to ignore her when she is screaming, banging, etc. Give her a spot where she can have her fit. If she has her own room and if she is one that won't damage the items in it, then just leave her there to have her fit. If she's one that will damage what is in there, remove everything breakable and let her have at it. Don't open the door, don't yell, just go about your business and have everyone else do the same. Not easy, but doable.</p><p></p><p>I wish you the best. Whatever decision you ultimately make is going to be painful. If she stays with you, she will be disruptive and manipulative. If she's smart, her tactics will change as she sees something doesn't work. Remember, this is what she has had to do to survive. If you say you can't keep her, there is a good chance that CPS will say her brother will have to be removed as well (a common tactic). There will also be your guilt, the probable blame of other family members, the what ifs. No decision is going to feel right to you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 107773, member: 3626"] If you're positive about the Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) diagnosis, she's not going to be "fixed" in a short time. Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) therapy is for the long-haul. It is hard, painful and, occasionally, successful. Besides The Explosive Child, do check out Keck's Adopting the Hurt Child. I can tell you that my daughter walked in with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) at age 3.5. After years of therapy, a stay at an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) in her teens, she is now a young woman who I proud (most of the time) to call my daughter. She will argue the word "no" until she is blue in the face. She still thinks the world should revolve around her. If she does any act of kindness, it must be profusely acknowledged and you should be eternally greatful. If this were a stranger adoption, I would caution against adopting a Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) child with other children in the home. Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) kids usually do much better in a single-child household. However, she is family and that has to make your decision that much harder. I would talk to her therapist, the social workers involved and get some real answers. Find out exactly what services are available now and what services will be available after the adoption is finalized. Get them in writing. You will ultimately have to decide what is best for everyone. I'm sorry you are in this position. For now, here's what I did when my daughter went through her tantrum stage. They quit when she saw they wouldn't work. It took my daughter about 8 months to get that message. (Persistent critters, aren't they?) And you do have to ignore her when she is screaming, banging, etc. Give her a spot where she can have her fit. If she has her own room and if she is one that won't damage the items in it, then just leave her there to have her fit. If she's one that will damage what is in there, remove everything breakable and let her have at it. Don't open the door, don't yell, just go about your business and have everyone else do the same. Not easy, but doable. I wish you the best. Whatever decision you ultimately make is going to be painful. If she stays with you, she will be disruptive and manipulative. If she's smart, her tactics will change as she sees something doesn't work. Remember, this is what she has had to do to survive. If you say you can't keep her, there is a good chance that CPS will say her brother will have to be removed as well (a common tactic). There will also be your guilt, the probable blame of other family members, the what ifs. No decision is going to feel right to you. [/QUOTE]
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