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General Parenting
To Adopt or Not to Adopt---That is the question!
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<blockquote data-quote="timer lady" data-source="post: 107979" data-attributes="member: 393"><p>You've been given a great deal of good advice.</p><p></p><p>I agree with, I believe it was meowbunny, make sure any & all services are in place before you take on children with this kind of disorder; this level of hurt. </p><p></p><p>And in saying that, it's going to take more than a year to see any type of trust in a child with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). I would guess, given your description that your child is severe Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) with a bit of PTSD thrown in for good measure.</p><p></p><p>I was told by an exceptional attachment/adoption therapist that it takes a good 5 years to know if the adoption of an extremely attachment disordered child will be "successful". And I'm using the term successful loosely. An attachment disordered child's idea of family is defined in very different terms; there will always be a level of fear in that child. On some level they will always be in "survival" mode. And that isn't their fault, but the fault of whatever happened in the bio home that caused that need.</p><p></p><p>The best you can do is to change the very reactive behaviors, build living skills & provide a consistent home life.</p><p></p><p>I've learned over the last 7 years that you can be a family of different addresses & still be a family. In fact, that may be the healthiest scenario for all concerned - it certainly is here for my twins. It's not what I had hoped for it just is.</p><p></p><p>I'm in no way qualified to say yes adopt or no don't adopt. If you choose to go ahead get every service you can think of in your home & be prepared for a run for your money. Keep in mind that you have other children & a marriage to care for as well.</p><p></p><p>If you decide that you cannot take this child on, be prepared for CPS to pull both children - to hold that over your head. And given this child's Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), I wouldn't be surprised if the sibling didn't have many of the same issues - just hasn't shown up yet or is buried under his sister's issues.</p><p></p><p>Either way, it's a sucky scenario. Either way, it's a position that will be difficult to decide.</p><p></p><p>I'll keep you in my thoughts as you ponder this. </p><p></p><p>Remember, love doesn't cure all. If it did, we wouldn't need a board of this type.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="timer lady, post: 107979, member: 393"] You've been given a great deal of good advice. I agree with, I believe it was meowbunny, make sure any & all services are in place before you take on children with this kind of disorder; this level of hurt. And in saying that, it's going to take more than a year to see any type of trust in a child with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). I would guess, given your description that your child is severe Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) with a bit of PTSD thrown in for good measure. I was told by an exceptional attachment/adoption therapist that it takes a good 5 years to know if the adoption of an extremely attachment disordered child will be "successful". And I'm using the term successful loosely. An attachment disordered child's idea of family is defined in very different terms; there will always be a level of fear in that child. On some level they will always be in "survival" mode. And that isn't their fault, but the fault of whatever happened in the bio home that caused that need. The best you can do is to change the very reactive behaviors, build living skills & provide a consistent home life. I've learned over the last 7 years that you can be a family of different addresses & still be a family. In fact, that may be the healthiest scenario for all concerned - it certainly is here for my twins. It's not what I had hoped for it just is. I'm in no way qualified to say yes adopt or no don't adopt. If you choose to go ahead get every service you can think of in your home & be prepared for a run for your money. Keep in mind that you have other children & a marriage to care for as well. If you decide that you cannot take this child on, be prepared for CPS to pull both children - to hold that over your head. And given this child's Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), I wouldn't be surprised if the sibling didn't have many of the same issues - just hasn't shown up yet or is buried under his sister's issues. Either way, it's a sucky scenario. Either way, it's a position that will be difficult to decide. I'll keep you in my thoughts as you ponder this. Remember, love doesn't cure all. If it did, we wouldn't need a board of this type. [/QUOTE]
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To Adopt or Not to Adopt---That is the question!
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