to ant'smom

[helpme]

I dunno even want to know why the other thread was closed, but I do want to
say thank you for posting that thread. It was very insightful, especially to me,
who has a son most likely to do time very soon, who "might" have a child over
the next few years (as we are detached), and who very likely is already
addicted to more than I could even imagine. I am in full detachment mode
with him, but I can't tell you how much stronger I've become since I've joined
here. And to learn and read how others have coped, their mistakes, their
achievements, etc, is a reward in itself.

I guess I really needed to post this, more so because I think that even though
we are all conveying our experiences, our fears, our lost dreams, our worries
and so on, but most importantly we are helping each other(s).
So thanks to you once again.

(Mod, please feel free to delete/move, if I've acted inappropriately.)

 

[Sunlight]

Thanks for your kind comments. I think that at some point, many of us have to realize that we have three choices
Accept it
change it
leave it
for my son I could never accept his behavior, I did try to change it and found I could only change me. More often than not, once he turned 18, I chose to leave it. I left it all up to him and still have that same philosophy that only when he is helping himself and doing the right thing...will I also participate.

Even on the forum where every single day some parent finds out that their child is going to prison for life without parole...there is still hope. There is always hope and fear should diminish and diminish over time. We will die one day ourselves and our job is to get our kids to be independent, to know they are loved, and to steer them if they are willing to learn. Sometimes we have to realize that this very well may be their personal best and our job is done other than to pray for them and love them in our hearts.

It helped me tremendously to be on this site for the 8 years I spent here when my son was age 16 to 24. Until I had joined here I had no idea that there were other kids acting like my son. I had no resources, no one would listen to me. I had no friends to laugh with late at night. Here I laughed again, I felt like my son was in a group and not a stand out demonspawn.
My faith increased as my character was stretched to the limit. My stamina and courage grew as I faced and then went thru each hurdle my son set before me.

One way or another they all grow up. At some point we make that accept, change or leave decision. Sometimes we fluctuate between the three like I used to do. I now accept that this is my son, he can live as he chooses, I have changed me, and I will always leave him behind if he is not nice to me, not working on his issues. One day we will not be here and we must prepare them for that.
(((((HUGS)))))