To Disown or Not to Disown

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by surrounded-by-crazies, Dec 17, 2010.

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  1. My 22 year old child will not drive, walk or ride a bus. She will not go to college or work. She also will not lift a finger around the house. My 22 year old child sits in front of the TV all day & judges people...both characters &/or the stars behind the characters. When she's not in front of the TV then she's on Facebook either doing the same thing (judging people) or she's posting some witty comment thinking even if all people do is "like" it that's better then nothing.

    My 22 year old child will not be responsible for herself. She will not worry about insurance. She will not worry about her own doctors/shrinks/etc. She will not worry about applying for Gov't assts...either welfare or disability. She flat will not worry. My only child's obviously mentally ill. Yet the last 2 times I took her to so called licensed pros they told me she's "just fine".

    Let's start from the beginning. My mom had 4 kids by 3 men & the first 2 took off. The 3rd stuck around long enough to screw everybody up. So we've been physically abused by our dad & verbally/mentally abused by especially one older 1/2 sib. Then our mom got her 4th man who joined our older 1/2 sib in verbally/mentally abusing us.

    The verbal/mental abuse continued well into adulthood including right in front of my only child. Her, ummmm, donor was way too much like my bro & step-dad so I dumped him before I realized I was pregnant. So it's been 3 a-holes against me...I've had no love/respect/help/support or back-up ever. I take that back...I had one person who loved me. He had a biopsy on a Friday & was dead by Monday of cancer. I was 11 when my grandpa basically dropped dead. I haven't had anybody since.

    My kid was basically born with health problems & kept them 'til she was 10. When she was a couple of months old I got in a wreck that left my car totaled & I've been dealing with problems since. People could see the kid coughing & puking & my totaled car in the drive-way yet our problems were either my fault &/or excuses to sit at home on my butt & be stupid, lazy, worthless trash.

    We had 3 a-holes & no village so we lived in the projects on $200/mo child support, food stamps & Medicaid. All of them are a joke...every last one. From the child support to the projects to the food stamps to the Medicaid.

    I don't know how we started thinking if a parent pays so much per month that's the end of their responsibility. 5 men in my immediate family alone had/have absolutely no concern for their child's physical/mental or spiritual health. 5 men in my immediate family alone. At least 1 is dead now but at least 3 have yet to be involved in any kind of long term mental health care.

    Single parents & their children, the disabled & the elderly are dumped into hell holes & between the dumps, the food stamps & the Medicaid they stay sick. Then people say we're ripping off the Gov't or we want this. When your own pathological family believes this...then there really is no help anywhere.

    Almost as soon as my kid was born she was sick. Almost as soon as she could walk she was a walking behavioral problem. If you told her to do something she wouldn't. If you told her not to do something she would. And she trashed everything she could get her hands on...eventually this would include furniture & cars.

    During the day when she should've been playing she was up my rear-end. If others came over with kids she was up my rear. The phone rings...she's up my rear. But 2-3 a.m. when she should be sleeping...she's up not only playing by herself but having full blown conversations with herself.

    On top of this I could teach her nothing. She wouldn't have anything to do with roller skates or blades, bikes - nothing like that. She also won't have anything to do with the great outdoors...lakes, camping, swimming, etc. I'd never let her out alone in the projects. But I'd try to take her outside the projects & she didn't want anything to do with anything. Movies, music & eventually computer games & the net...that's it for her.

    I lost babysitters...& I thought it was because she was sick but it was because she was a spoiled brat. Regardless...when I was unemployed I was bashed the whole time I was unemployed. And to buy extras like clothes & shoes I worked for my mom on the weekends cleaning & my abusers had a shot every weekend & every holiday.

    Then school started & by the 1st grade they were telling me my kid had ADD/ADHD. So I started taking her to various people...doctors, psychologists, psychiatrists - she even had tests - & they could tell me nothing for sure. I mean nothing...not about ADD/ADHD or anything else for that matter. For a while I was dealing with her physical & mental health both at the same time...& no help what-so-ever.

    Before school started she didn't want men around much but after school started & she realized what dad's were & that most kids have them she wanted one. So we got her one. As long as he paid attention to her things were fine. But should he pay attention to me... Well we spent most of our almost 3 year marriage with them fighting over homework at the dinner table every night.

    In the meantime my granny died, my step-dad had triple by-pass surgery, my uncle had a perforated ulcer & a staff infection, my cousin was in a wreck & almost died & as soon as her mom/my aunt nursed her back to health my aunt died due to an error at the hospital. I lost a few puppies. I worked a job I hated mostly for the insurance. Plus I was getting sicker myself & doctors weren't helping me anymore then they was my kid.

    I had my 1st nervous breakdown & the shrinks called me depressed & tried shoving pills down my throat. All they did was almost kill me plus cause even more health problems. So I dumped the pills down the toilet, got a divorce, got my kid physically healthy, was wrongfully terminated & lost my insurance & I've been rotting ever since.

    Of course I already know from previous experience there's no help so sick or not I worked & I bought all new furniture, a new car & had great insurance. Then the **** hit the fan.
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member


    Wow. Sounds like you have really been through the ringer. So sorry for all the heartache you have gone through.

    Also sounds to me like your daughter is depressed and has zero ambition to do anything with her life. At her age, I dont think there is anything you can do other than try a bit of forceful "do to get" in your home. Things such as, if you work and leave the house during the day...well she must leave and go to the library to use their computer to look for work or something. Maybe tell her you expect her to either have a part-time job or be in school in order to live with you. Give her 2 or 3 months to get this accomplished but expect some effort put forth to get this going. You want to see applications being filled out, interviews happening, etc. If she wont go down and fill out paperwork, tell her she must leave the apartment one day and cant come back until she has the paperwork done. Do to get.

    Sometimes we have to get tough with the older kids. Its tough being the parents of older kids.
  3. I didn't figure this would make it in one post. By the way...I could've sworn I posted *-*-*-*. Not the other word that normally gets ****. ???

    Anyway...from the time of my divorce 'til the time the doodoo hit the fan, me & my kid's relationship crumbled. If I try to date she treats people like doodoo...first because she didn't want to see me get hurt again but next because I don't know how to pick them. The fact I'm getting sicker & sicker every day & really need some love/help/support out of somebody matters not. She refuses to eat in public because people might stare at me. She tries to tell me how to dress. She tries to tell me how to wear my make-up. I'm not allowed to sing, laugh, joke around. And she absolutely hates it when people say we look like sisters.

    The shrinks wouldn't help us. Family wouldn't help us. I assumed I was going to die & if I did I planned on leaving my kid with my mom. But then in one month I lost another job, my mom to cancer, my family to disownment & a boyfriend. And during the month I was watching my mom die & fighting with my family - my kid was one of many pushing my buttons trying to finish me off.

    We should've had help long before now. I'm already a victim of abuse & neglect. I'm also the victim of several idiots who shouldn't even have licenses much less be titled "specialist". I just got disability for depression over a year ago. But if our Gov't wants to go with depression then I was diagnosed with that when my kid was 10. So then I've been disabled since she was at least 10. Yet there's been no nothing. Indeed the big bang still happened.

    We realized my mom was sick & within a month she was dead. Her dad died in 3 days...she died in a month. My employers didn't believe this could happen so when family called me at work on my cell phone to tell me they were taking my mom to the ER I got yelled at in front of co-workers & customers alike. So I quit & went to the ER where my older 1/2 bro started talking about how I'm still stupid, lazy, worthless trash but now I'm crazy & on drugs too. He said I'm out to rip people off so he should be the admin of her estate. Even though my mom finally divorced my ex step dad she had him there & he was talking about how this is what she gets for smoking.

    My kid insists I haul her back/forth to school. Then she insists I take her home to freshen up. She tried to insist I haul her to granny's so she could hang out with cousins when the lot should've been at the hospital but somebody else hauled her...& she got her nose pierced while she was there. She kept toying with it so it got infected. My mom noticed & knew it just before she died.

    Then I had a boyfriend wanting me to stop off & pick up his beer so he wouldn't have to stop playing PlayStation. The minute my mom's machines shut off I had nervous breakdown #2. I disowned my family. I dumped my boyfriend. And I would've dumped this kid had there been any place to dump her...for both our own good. She's killing me & both of our family's are destroying her.
    Lasted edited by : Dec 20, 2010
  4. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    I hate to say it, but I think the most you can really do right now is save yourself. She's more than old enough to save herself, and even if she does need help from you, you can't help her until you're well enough to do it. That's a really rough life, and while I lost most of my family before I was your daughter's age, I simply cannot imagine the full extent of what you have suffered through. If it was at all possible I would say this is the best time to pack up and vanish to a new town far away where you would have a better chance of getting help and getting back on your feet, but I will presume this is not an option for you. Janet has some good advice there, looks like "tough love" might be the way to go.
    Take care of you, glad you found us but sorry you had to. I know there's a few here that also had to start over with nothing or close to it, you're among people that understand.
    Lasted edited by : Dec 17, 2010
  5. It's been almost 7 years since the doodoo hit the fan. My father would take me in if I'd play his nurse. A bro would take my kid if he would have her inheritance with her. Otherwise there's my child's donor. I thought if anybody should be concerned for her physical/mental/spiritual well-being it should be him. Nope.

    My ex is 50+ yet still works in an adult bar as a DJ. The mother of the first illegitimate child he had took off & dumped her child. So my ex dumped his baby on his 72 year old mom & clinically proven insane sister to raise. When this baby became a teen he started doing things like drinking & drugs & stealing to pay for it. Rather then get him help my ex came back & kicked him out then he moved in so he could play his mom's caregiver.

    His mom's house was paid for. She paid the taxes & insurance. He paid some bills so this made it his house & he ruled like a tyrant. He worked 4 days a week...played 3...& came home long enough to play tyrant before passing out. He'd tell his mom when she could eat & when she couldn't...when to go to the bathroom...& when to go to bed. Plus he'd scream at his sister for running the bills up. He's also been known to push or yank them around & he's hit his sister so hard it knocked at least one tooth out.

    He promised us help so we moved to TX & he dumped us 1/2 way across a city I don't know & left me to rot. He got her on the weekends & took her out to a grandparent. That's all the help we got out of him for 6 mo's.

    Evidently my kid & her donor have spent any time they've had together running me down into the ground. According to him I wanted to have an abortion & I kidnapped her. If I'd wanted to have an abortion she wouldn't be here. If I kidnapped her how come I'm not in jail? He sent child support every month so he knew where we lived. He'd even been down to visit a couple of times. According to her I haven't worked in years. Not outside or even inside the home. According to her all I do is sit on my butt & play on the net all day. According to her in asking her to if not help me out then at least clean up after herself I'm trying to turn her into my slave.

    A cousin offered me help but my kid refused to go home with me...insisted on staying with her donor. He expected her to share a room with him & it took his sister & I both threatening him with CPS to get him to move out. Next he got in a wreck with her in the car & killed someone. He was told that night to get her help & never has. Instead he dumped his mom & sister on her so she was telling people she wished she was dead.

    Meanwhile instead of helping me my cousin used me, ripped me off then kicked me out & left me homeless. People she hooked me up with also used me & ripped me off but they also sexually harassed, assaulted, raped & stalked me. I actually fled a small town. Nobody's doing anything about this but telling me it's my fault for "hanging out" with such people.

    Came back to learn what my ex was up to & I've been talking to anybody who'll listen ever since. CPS, APS, DHS, mental health hospitals, domestic violence shelters, rape shelters, old fashioned homeless shelters, 211, hotlines, legal aid, politicians including the president himself & papers. You name it I have tried...& tried & tried & tried. If I've gotten anywhere it's on a gov't list somewhere - "watch out for this one".

    They say stop the cycles of abuse but that's just a saying because there's absolutely no help what so ever to do so. Because next thing ya know there's not only another untimely ex's crazy sister was left to rot 4 days in a house surrounded by her family. Yet I still had to drag my kid home kicking & screaming. And I've had to drag her through her life ever since.

    The minute she graduated...right back to her dead-beat donor she went. Why? Because nobody local would teach her to drive & she will not walk or ride a bus. But she gets here in TX & won't let her dad help her. I haven't seen many offer but if they do she won't go. She also won't get an education or work from home. She also won't apply for gov't assts or disability.

    I got kicked out of a dump...& even though I'm sick/disabled & should have an advocate or attorney or somebody they got away with kicking me out & slandering me. I moved here with a voucher expecting my own place but I was dumped on a child pervert so he could exploit me & my voucher was allowed to expire. The child pervert has since gone to prison for tinkering with his own child & my ex got kicked out of his mom's house therefore he & my kid moved in with me. They bought a bunch of trash & fleas with them. Naturally my ex refuses to do anything about either one.

    Indeed...he basically dumped the kid & all their junk here. He lives & eats elsewhere...comes home long enough to sleep. I'm once again 100% responsible for her physical/mental & spiritual well-being. My disability check is next to nothing & I couldn't even take care of myself but now I'm expected to take care of both of our needs.

    She will not help me look for housing. He will not help drive us around. Yet they both expect me out. It's going to take a miracle to save me. It's going to take someone outside this circus to step in & take her out. Then it's going to take someone like Extreme Home Makeovers to give me the house I've never had & the furniture & car I can't replace. It's going to take someone like Oprah to help me publish a book that becomes a movie so I can pay my house taxes & insurance. I mean it's going to take a miracle.
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi there.

    Hate to be harsh, but your kid hasn't known one day of stability.

    However, that's water under the bridge. To force her to make a life for herself, it may be the kindest thing to do may be to tell her that if she doesn't get a job yesterday she has two months to find a place to live; t hat she can not stay there. I assume you are helping with the bills...she's too old for that if she is doing nothing. Also, you need to continue to make your own choices, good or bad, without her input or interference and it benefits neither of you if you two fight. As for disowning her, NO. Why would you disown her? I would just put down the new tough rules and tell her you expect X and Y from her or she can't live in YOUR house. And then stick by it.

    I wish you good luck. I know it's hard.
  7. First of all this is 22 years for her & 42 for me & I know from installing/owning/admining my own forums you can only post so many words at a time. But also the entire time I'm writing I've got my kid in & out making as much noise possible or expecting me to haul her somewhere when she knows I'm sick & also 1/2 blind. So I'm sorry this is in chunks & also taking me so long.

    I already see a couple of people talking about "tough love" & I need to look out for #1. Can I post pics of what my "home" currently looks like? Can I post pics of my kid's cat when he still had a tail & one of him now without one? How did he lose it? Fleas. He ate his own tail off. This was after I tried to contact people about this too.

    I've been talking for 7 years & you wouldn't believe how many people have told me to disown her & move off...start over...look out for #1. Even people I've been virtually yacking with for months. I keep wondering if my disabilities were more obvious...if it would make a difference. I don't think it would. I know it wouldn't with my own family but I don't think it would with strangers either.

    Looking out for #1 is why we're all in trouble to begin with right? I'm a family person with a family like mine...the lot of them look out for #1. That's mental illness. When blood family have to beg, plead, guilt trip, threaten, etc. etc. & still can't get any respect - that's mental illness. And that's my whole family & my kid's whole family.

    So I'm ruined there anyway. Even if I was healthy enough to pick up & move off & start over I would have to do so leaving my kid with the guy who ruined her or homeless. She would be dead in no time. Or she's going to be shacking up with some guy for a place to stay & abusing/neglecting every kid they have. And do you think anybody in her family will be calling DHS on her? Even if they did guess what they'd tell her to do? Go to therapy.

    If there was a place to put her moving off or finally dropping dead would be easier to do. If there is a place we don't have the insurance for it. I mean I keep wondering what I'd do if Extreme Home Make-Over's showed up. I know I couldn't have one big house for both of us. But I don't think I could even handle a side by side duplex if she didn't get help first. She needs a girl's home/boot camp combined that also teaches her how to drive.

    My lil bro made the mistake of hooking up with a psycho. He worked all day then was expected to come home & cook, clean & take care of her kid. And actually since he's no cook or housekeeper the kid raised herself, lived on fast food & lived in filth. But they had 2 more kids.

    His wife has laid in bed on drugs so long she's lost the ability to walk. Yet because of their insurance situation he can't dump her anywhere either...except a homeless shelter. Our mentally retarded people get group homes furnished with a staff or at least nursing homes furnished with a staff but our mentally ill people get homeless shelters or homeless.

    I don't know why you have to create laws & get attorneys first. Again people should want to help anybody but especially family. But it is required. Parents need to be forced to do more then pay child support. They should be forced to be parents. If they don't want to be parents they should be forced into therapy. We need to quit blaming single parents & expecting them to dump their children on strangers & work for next to nothing...especially if one or both are sick. We need to see verbal/mental abuse, bashing & bullying as just as bad as physical abuse & do something about all of them.

    I could go on & on. But it probably just makes me sicker to do so. I know it don't do anything for my heart. All I can tell the next generation is if people disrespect you in front of your kid...I don't care who it Once your kids start too there's no stopping it & there's no dumping them anywhere either. Not until they go postal or reproduce & abuse/neglect their own...if then.
  8. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Surrounded (((((hugs))))))

    It's obvious you've been through h*ll and back and maybe then some. If you need to keep on unloading, go right ahead. It sounds as if it's been building for a long time and everyone needs a place they can just vent.

    I understand you're disabled............but I got confused at the part where your daughter moved in with you. If daughter treats you this way why did you let her move in? (and yeah I get the mom thing part of it)

    An adult child who treats me like so much filth under her shoe most certainly would not be living in my home under any circumstances nor for any reason. period. If she likes her sperm donor so much then let him deal with it, but NOT in YOUR house.

    You can stop the cycle of abuse.. It is a choice you make to stop it, not something other people do for you. It is something you do for yourself. You refuse to be a victim. You refuse to repeat the behaviors that were done to you.

    I stopped the cycle. I came from a very abusive/neglectful home. My children have known none of that. Because I made the choice to no longer be a victim the moment I became an adult. I made the choices of how I would raise my children. No one did it for me. I had to do it for myself. Learning not to be a victim is hard at first because those behaviors are so engrained in you. But it can be done if you want it bad enough.

    I can only judge by what you've posted. And while I do understand you're disabled with health problems, but I don't get why you're allowing your daughter to treat you the way she does, and why you let her be "dumped" on you. She can't be dumped on you unless you let her be dumped on you. It's your home, not hers.

    Your daughter is 22 yrs old, not 12. You can't change her and you can't even help her unless she wants it. The best thing you can do, and the only thing really, is to change yourself. I don't want to sound mean, but in all honesty she treats you this way because you allow her to treat you this way. You need to sit down and think about what she has to do like job, school, driving, rent, ect in order to live in your house as an adult. Then you need to decide on consequences if she does not do them in the time frame that you give her, and be ready to follow through because after a lifetime of treating you like crud, she's going to need you to stand your ground and follow through to even hope to get the idea you mean business. So if you say in 3 months she has to have a job and pay x amount of rent each month or she will not live there.......and she doesn't.....then you kick her out, legally evicting her if necessary.

    It doesn't matter her background. She is now an adult capable of making her own choices right or wrong. (even if she's not actually capable due to mental illness it doesn't matter because by law it says she is) Which means she is plenty old enough to suffer the natural consequences of those choices whatever they happen to be. Being cold and hungry on the street may be what it takes to actually motivate her, she wouldn't be the first and won't be the last.

    I know only too well how next to impossible it can be when you're right in the thick of it to see the forest through the trees. It took me quite a while to attempt to respond to your post because you seem so completely overwhelmed. Sometimes it can take someone from the outside looking in to tell us what should be obvious, but when we're drowning in gfgdom we're too busy trying to just cope we can't see it for ourselves.

    Your the parent. It's your house, your rules. She is an adult, not a child. She either follows those rules or she leaves. If she has no where to go that is not your problem. She has a choice. If she makes the choice not to follow your rules and treat you with respect when you have a roof over her head and food in her stomach, then there are natural consequences for her to deal with just as any other person would have to deal with.

    As long as you allow her to treat you this way, she will. Bottom line. You deserve respect. You deserve peace in your own home.

  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member are right that we dont know you personally but some of us also come from tough backgrounds.

    I was extremely abused by my mother who was mentally ill and she was abused by her mother who we are sure was mentally ill. My Dad wasnt mentally ill but my mom threatened him when I was born so he couldnt parent me even though they lived together but on rare occasions he was allowed to beat the living daylights out of me on her orders. I wont forget those beatings. They were bad but my moms constant abuse was worse.

    I have both mental health issues and pretty severe physical issues. I am on disability myself. I have gone through many disastrous relationships and one physically abusive marriage. Luckily I found a man who saved me from my self and put up with my behaviors while we had kids and I finally found out what my problems were. We have been together 27 and a half years now. My kids are all grown now. They all had their own issues.

    I got out of my moms house and learned to parent my children differently than my parents did me. No I wasnt perfect and there were many times I heard my mom come out my mouth. That just made me try harder.

    You can make changes no matter how old you are. I am still making changes. I started therapy close to 5 years ago and it has done me a world of good. I am so much stronger now. Just ask the folks here. If I could do it, so can you.

    I wish you the best of luck.
  10. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    You certainly have been through a lot, it is great you are talking about it and thinking about what to do with your own daughter. So I think there is some middle ground. I don't think you have to disown your daughter, turn your back completely on her forever. I think though you can set limits and rules and conditions for her living with you. If she does not follow the rules or meet the conditions (such as get a job, volunteer, do something) then she has to move out. You can still love her, you can still stay in touch, you can still be supportive but you don't have to live with her. There is a lot of information about detaching with love out there (some even on this website somewhere) that might be helpful. I am sure with all that you have been through that it has/is hard to learn what appropriate boundaries are with your daughter....but I don't think you need to go to the extent of disowning her.
  11. Star*

    Star* call 911


    Hi and welcome to the family,

    Just reading over the small bits and pieces of your life that you've posted in minutes that have been windows of your life I can only say how awful that must have been for you. Even though you have written out in good detail what happened it's hard for anyone to know how hard it had to be for you, and in turn for your daughter. I don't know in your entire 42 years of life if anyone has every truly looked at you or sat down and just let you talk about the horrors and hell you lived through. To survive what you did on your own is tough enough, but to do it with a 22 year old daughter AND come looking for help at this stage in your life? Bravo. I applaud you for your courage. It's a very brave step. Why?
    (exhale...) Well - unless you have been through it? And overcome it - not just survived it - it's very easy to say to someone Do this - do that - do this. Or even if you haven't been through it but have had training and advise someone - like a shrink or head doctor? You really just kind of sit back for the longest time and think- Oh brother YOU have no )#($0 idea what kind of life I had. How can you possibly even begin to dish out advice to ME? Then despite TRYING to get help? You get an attitude right off the bat and if you're anything like I was when I started therapy? I shut down and dismissed any and all advice as - (sticks finger to head in shape of an L....looser - probably sits in a 100K house, drives a really nice car, has money in the bank and never had to decide how to split one bologna sandwhich for 2 days or dodge and alcoholic, drug crazed man) and thus YOUR advice is null -
    Anything here making sense? So.......Yeah - if it is - FIRST off - with THIS (points to the board here) try takin' it down just a notch because sadly (and now able to shed a few tears) a lot of us here survived and overcame severe abuse, and so did our kids) - Some not - some did - but I promise you - no one here is out to judge anyone.....honest. We do----on occasion kinda twist a eyeball like - OH brother sister -----and you'll know it - cause even I've gotten spanked -----(I get sent to the corner here a lot) meaning I say things I shouldn't - lot's worse than the C word ending in RAP and yeah - it's not allowed either. I think we can say the P followed by OOP - but if we cant? You'll see me in the corner - AGAIN....after this. Sigh. lol

    Right now? Honest? You say you want help for your daughter. Okay (nods head) Good. Just keep in mind - when you come here - there are about 1000 schools of thought - like-minded in the thoughts of helping - but please don't get defensive because no one here will attack you - we will be blunt with you, honest with you, no one here is going to sugar coat things - what you went through in your life was serious - it needs to be dealt with seriously and sadly - and believe me it hurts my heart to say it, but sadly - sometimes the remedy FOR that? Is honesty, bluntness and tough love. Whether that's with you or your beautiful daughter - because I'm not here because I don't care. Neither is anyone else.

    Someday - the rest of us will come out and let you know their stories or you'll get to know us better and we'll share things in part or empathise or sympathise with you and your daughter. Sometimes things one person says will click with you, and then other times - you'll read something and think - WOW - that's a little different.....but the fact that everyone took time to post or read says emphatically - I came, I read, I care.....not...I came, I critiqued, I criticize.

    You obviously have had hell on earth for a life. My thought from experience is until you begin to address your life and your issues, and anger, and rage - get your self esteem and self worth back in order - and unload and shred the garbage in your mind about your past and start filling it with positive and good things? There will be very little way for you to help your daughter. Why? Same reason my son didn't see me as anyone that could take charge - I couldn't manage MY life well - why should he listen to ME? So he pretty much did what he wanted to do. And belive me - he did that a LOT. When I started getting MY life in order, and dealing with MY past and MY issues? I started seeing things around me that I didn't like very well - things that I COULD change.....things that were NOT right that I felt I couldn't fix - but did. It wasn't easy - and belive me - it took every bit of me I had to overcome a lot of p...double oo p in my past...but it was taking one layer at a time and peeling it back and fixing one day at a time. I didn't just jump in and fix HIM and not me. My son didn't get the way he did because I set a great example and the family he was around set a great example and boundaries - OH H was awful. So that's what he was used to. I got out - good. I was on my own ---great - and I thought well - that should fix everything - and WRONG. I got me into counseling, and got HIM into counseling - and like you said - the kids said - NOTHING wrong with me - and then what are you going to do? Well - YOU keep going. You can't make her go at 22 - true. But YOU can keep going - and YOU can work with a professional to figure out WHAT is next.

    Doesn't necessarily mean you toss her out - but what about working on one thing at a time - one week at a time? What's so wrong with that - you're 42 ==HOW long was your life messed up? How long do you think that will take to fix 1 week at a time 1 hour a week at a time? Wow - give yourself some credit here girl. It takes a lifetime - a LONG time. And you're here - so that tells me SOMETHING - You want change - You OBVIOUSLY WANT to have a better something for the both of you - and that's very commendable and like I said earlier - VERY brave.

    Just give us a chance - we're a good group - really........a little wonkey myself....but you'll have to get to know me to know I'm just as cool as the rest (points up) of them....really. I am - NO seriously - I am so cool - I'm ice. (ice ice babay)

    Glad you're here.......
    Breath............and lets see what we can help you with.....m K? (see? That was cool huH?) mk? lol....

  12. Greetings. Thanks to everybody who read & replied. I'll try to answer as best I can.

    To Hounddog: kid graduated & left me. Then I got kicked out. I moved to TX with a voucher. They were supposed to help me find housing but didn't. Instead I was dumped with this pervert. This pervert has since gone to prison for molesting his own child. My ex got kicked out of his mom's house. I couldn't afford the rent/bills on my ex-roomie's house so my ex took it over. I was hoping to be out before they got here...even called APS...& they didn't do anything for me. My ex dumped years of junk & our kid here, refuses to organize & trash junk & comes home long enough to sleep.

    To Dammit Janet: I've never been in an abusive relationship...besides dad. That was enough to make me hate it so bad people really don't want to abuse anybody right in front of me cuz I tend to go a lil postal. I'm almost 5' 9", part Indian & a's not pretty when I go postal. My step-dad ran me out of my own house when I was 17 & within no time I was dancing in adult bars. I barely spoke to my own mom for 3 years. I didn't speak to my own father longer then that. My new family was a bunch of people like me...abused/neglected/lost girls. During the 3 years we were like a family I've cussed out &/or called the cops on a few men who dared abuse any one of them. When it comes to others...especially the "little guy"...I'm like a momma bear.

    My father wasn't a parent & I haven't been around him much since I was 14-15 so I've got nothing to work with there. My mom had no self esteem so she worked, dumped her kids, barely lived above the poverty level & put up with disrespect just to have a man around the house. I've got no self esteem either but I'd rather be single...& I have been all but almost 3 of my 42 years. I get so much disrespect from blood I won't put up with it from anybody else...not even the rich & famous.

    When I was 20 my mom begged me to come home & finish school - get some college. I didn't figure her man had changed much but I figured I'd be in & out. But then I found out I was prego. I figured it'd take a lil longer but then she was sick & then I got in my wreck. I had a small sickly baby & death wishes due to back pain both at the same time. I imagine the way people treated me when I was prego - including the quack doctor - I already had depression.

    I didn't even know public housing existed yet by the way. I didn't learn that 'til the whole family packed up & moved home to OK. We assumed mom's family would finally play village - give us the love, help, respect, support & back-up we've never had. We assumed wrong. And that's when I learned about public housing. We lived in a dump for 3-4 years & didn't see any of the extended people we moved there to hang out with. Not an aunt, uncle or even a cousin I don't believe.

    I didn't know who to call then & I don't know who to call now cuz there is nobody. When you go to DHS for Medicaid to have a child with you'd think they'd be telling you some things. Like about the child support enforcement agency for example. That's another dept. And you have to go to it & fill out new paperwork separately. They don't tell you about WIC so my kid was never on it. They don't tell you about Toys 4 Tots either so my kid never had anything to do with that. They don't tell you squat so there's no telling what "help" we missed out on.

    Then like I said...we moved out & into the projects but $200/mo child support don't cover things like clothes & shoes & birthday or X-mas presents. So I worked for my mom on the & mowing. If they'd treated my kid like they did me she would've been doing without but they were much better grandparents then they was parents.

    You were lucky enough to find someone. And I'm happy for you. But I've had my mom's luck. I'm a magnet for disrespectful/dysfunctional walking problems. Plus I've been sick for 14+ years. For the last several it's been horrid & there's been no pain management so I live attached to a heating pad quite a bit & I've burned myself up pretty good. I got so many things to do before I put "looking for Mr. Right" back on the list...I wouldn't recommend holding your breath.

    To Star: 7 years ago when "the month" happened I tried to look for Mr. Right...joined my very first social community. Mr. Right & his s/o & their friends judged me "just depressed" therefore felt it okay to mislead me into believing I had more hope then I did. So I wasted over 6 mo's of my life trying to convince him we're perfect for each other to learn he's taken. I tried to go away & crawl under a rock but I'm sure they're still lurking around somewhere to this day.

    They've been judging me ever since. It's like I never disowned my whole family after all cuz they're just like 'em. They've judged me for everything I've ever done plus called me every name in the book. Not only this but this rich & famous person has sat back & watched not only me but my kid rot this whole time. That's the worst of it...he's watching us rot.

    Not long ago someone said something about investigative reporters or private investigators. I wish someone would sic either one of them on me. They will prove most if not all of my story true.

    So I'm not here for judgment. I'm not here for advice either because there is none. I'm here to tell my story. And I'm here for actual help. And if there is none...ain't there something wrong with that?

    I mean...why didn't I go get my own housing right? Because I'm 1/2 blind, night blind & also lost. Why didn't the housing authority send me someone to show me around?

    Again I called APS before my ex & kid moved in. Verbal/mental abuse & exploitation isn't bad enough. Plus all they have are $400/mo rooms for rent. The perverted roomie I had wanted $300/mo & I couldn't afford that. And I don't want any roomies. First they promised me the money to go home to OK where there is housing. Then they told me verbal/mental abuse & exploitation isn't bad enough to warrant such an expense. Plus they told me I could afford to move myself home. Not when I'm using my check to cover my bills plus some of the food & household needs of 2 people.

    They left me stuck here & sure enough he dumped his junk, dog complete with fleas & the kid here & we see him when he walks in the door & back out again. I shouldn't be driving & I shouldn't be shopping. If I lived alone I could probably get either meals on wheels or at least help cleaning & shopping. But DHS won't send help either because "I live with 2 adults". APS says if you see a disabled or elderly person being abused OR exploited contact them. You do & they find some way to worm out of it.

    Just before my mom died I bought all new furniture & a new car...had great credit. In the last 7 years people have trashed every bit of it. Even so I can't replace it so I have to take some of this with me. You can't get vouchers in TX leaving you with public housing. I need somebody to taxi me & somebody to make phone calls & can't get help. I want to go home. But I'd not only need a big truck...I'd need a couple of big men to handle everything for me.

    My kid just informed me I've got a month to get out. But they're just going to have to go. And I'm going to have to shove what I can in my car & lose everything else. I will try to make it home then live in a shelter 'til I can get in public housing again. This is provided the stress & anxiety don't kill me first.
  13. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Are you in OK or TX now? Have you looked into Section 8 and HUD?
  14. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Your story is a bit difficult to follow all in one fell swoop. I'll just say that I don't think anyone needs to be disowned. It does sound as though you and your daughter should live separately. She's 22, you're 42. Put her stuff on the curb and tell her to come get it because you are changing the locks. If not it goes with the garbage man on trash day. If there is something legally preventing her from being told to leave your home, go back to someone who will take you in and leave your daughter in the house you are at and make sure that everyone - you and your daughter especially - understands that she's not coming with you.

    Can you add a signature to your post to help us decipher who you all are in your family? That would be helpful.

    FWIW, we don't get to say **** (or a lot of other words) on this board. We get sworn at enough by our kids that we have a pretty tight censorship on language going on. We do come up with colorful mild euphemisms, but we don't bypass the censor by typing *-*-*-*.
  15. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Okay then - you want help, not advice. You're kinda all over the place so what is it that you want help with - one thing at a time and we'll see if we can help. Seems the most critical thing right now is you are soon to have no place to live, and you are disabled, on SSI and you are going to loose what precious few possessions you do have AND have no family and friends that can help you or your daughter. The friends that you thought were your friends are not -so despite having rich people in the background watching you rot - you need to forget them - they aren't helping, they are only adding to your frustration and eventually you will survive this as you have other things - so forget about them. Is it fair? Nope. Does it seem to happen to you a lot? Yup. Is that fair? No again. - Can you do anything about that today? Nope and can you do anything about it tomorrow? No. They have to live with who they are every day - sad. To have resources available and not help - Not good.

    So moving on from that - you need housing and fast. Right? I would not know about where you are but I would imagine someone who is partially blind may try places like the league of the blind, or the United Way, or Catholic Charities, or The Lutheran Family Services, or talk to anyone that deals with housing for disabled people...and just keep asking. Try food banks - try churches, try any and every place like that because THOSE places seem to have connections to resources for help with rent and living accomodations.

    Just thinking out loud.
  16. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I also can't advise for where you are now..................... But I do know my son is legally blind. For years he went without help simply because I had no clue such help was available, awful but true, so I have no trouble at all believing you're also having such problems. I don't know what is wrong with people that they just automatically assume someone who is disabled knows where the heck to go for help. Because they don't. I mean I knew there was a blind school in Columbus, but he's not at the level yet of needing those services, yet he still needed help. We stumbled across the Cincinnati Association for the Blind purely by accident. They're a blessing. Not only do they supply him with FREE visual aides and canes.......they can usually link you up to all sorts of services in your area including free transportation. While they may not be able to help with the housing issue, which is at this time your most critical crisis, they may be able to point you to someone who can especially since you're on disability and on a fixed income. I don't know what your other disabilities are so I can't advise there.

    St. Vincent De Paul's.....which is catholic charities is big on helping women as much as possible. Call a nearby catholic church, and no you don't have to be catholic or even religious in any sense to use their services. I've found them to be very helpful with katie and the kids (who are currently homeless) United Way. Why not your local domestic violence shelter? You don't have to have a male in your life to be enduring domestic violence.......and they have resources out the wazoo usually, plus they almost always know people you can call for help. Honestly? You could most likely walk into any church and ask the pastor for help, if they can't help directly (there are an awful lot of both homeless and unemployed right now) they will usually try to connect you with someone who does know or who can help.

    Disown? May be a bit drastic, as simply living separately may be enough to remove most the the craziness from your life at least enough to get your bearings back. I know Star has a far better way with words than I usually do, but I think you've been living in survival mode for a very long time. Justified survival mode. I've done survival mode many times and I don't know about others but I can't think about much else but critical issues in that mind set.

    You say your self esteem is low, but it shouldn't be. You've survived more in your 42 yrs than most people even see in an entire lifetime......and it did not beat you. Here you are, and I can hear the fire in your words, still fighting back. You should hold your head up high with pride.

    Travelers Aide will help you relocate anywhere you wish, all you need is someone where you are going to say you can stay with them. (they don't want you to get there just to find yourself on the street) I know family is obviously not backing you up, but perhaps a church could help find someone you could stay with, a decent family who wouldn't treat you like those in the past have done, until you can get on your feet there. Katie and the kids used travelers aide to come here. Since there were 5 of them they only could pay like 80 percent of the bus tickets but she was able to get help from a local church for the rest. I said she'd stay with me (although she isn't) so they'd pay for it because they don't have to nickels to rub together. They are now staying in a St. Vincent De Paul's shelter until they can get into HUD and find work.

    Hmmm. I'll think on it some more. Usually finding help mostly requires knowing the right people to ask. More than once I've just picked up the phone book and called everyone I found........took longer but eventually I wound up with someone who could give me answers.

  17. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    The others have given you some good advice but I hope you realize that we can only offer you cyber support and a shoulder to lean on. We cant be there to find the services and this is simply a support board that offers online support and no monetary support. I just want to make sure you understand that in case you think there is some form on here to fill out, there isnt. Check with the agencies the others have advised you to look into.
  18. To HaoZi: I'm in TX. Their housing authority has no section 8. Even for their dumps the list is long. Then there's HUD apts. In OK you can walk into any one of them & fill out an application. Here you have to do it certain times of the month/day. The waiting lists are long. And you have to call back every 6 mo's & let them know you're still interested.

    I brought a section 8 voucher with me from OK. They can transfer them like that...sometimes. I had 3 mo's to find a place. But my ex dumped me on a child pervert who exploited me. He needed a roomie so he could supposedly try to save money for an atty but he blew it on drinking instead cuz he knew there was no saving him. He did it...& he's going to be in prison a very long time. I called TX's housing authority...because my voucher had transferred to them...& told them what was going on & I needed help. They told me to call an apartment locator. How many housing locators do you know would help someone like me? No welfare apt is going to pay them to bring people in. So they don't help people like me.

    To Witzend (cool name by the way): It's just me & the kid & her psycho dad. Everybody else is dead or disowned. I've since gotten into genealogy & evidently that's the way we've rolled for a while. My maternal grandpa's dad dropped dead at 50...a bro was killed in WWII...& he disowned everybody else. My maternal grandma disowned her whole family. These grandparents lost one of 9 kids. Then as I told you before grandpa had a biopsy on a Friday & was dead by Monday of cancer. After his funeral granny disowned one of her 8 living kids. Then she died leaving everything to 1 of 8 so they've all fallen apart. They don't even get together for major holidays anymore.

    On my dad's side both great granny's dropped dead fairly young leaving children at home. One died of pneumonia & the other in child did the child. My granny had Parkinson's disease 10 years & she died. My dad was 8ish & he had a little bro. I heard my religious zealot of a grandpa wasn't exactly nice. They had 12 kids...most just like him...even the girls. We weren't allowed to go around most of them...for good reason. Now there's only 2 father included. And he only calls when he thinks he's dying.

    To Star: I want to tell my story publicly cuz I think it's the only thing that'll help. And then yes...I do want help. But I want it from people who have been there & done that. Because I don't think there's gonna be many. And then won't this raise awareness?

    I mean it's been 7 years of people telling me try this & try that. I don't know how many people have told me to call 211. Would one of you all try it. Tell them my story & see what they say. If they give you any numbers try those too. I think you too will quickly realize all you're really doing is chasing your own tail around in circles.

    There was a time when I had the same list 211 has (in OK). There's a couple of homeless places but you can't get into any here in TX because they expect you to get out yet there's no housing. So unless you're healthy & can get a job & quickly gather some rent together you can forget it. We have at least one homeless person per corner in Austin least all along the freeways. I actually live in a small town on the outskirts but they've reached us.

    Speaking of religious places...which is one of the few if not the only place you're going to find some food (rice/beans/fake potatoes), clothes, shoes & sometimes bill money & possibly bus tokens...what happens when you're not religious? Here again I go back to genealogy & history...most everybody came here for religious freedom because they were being persecuted wherever they came from. They got here & almost immediately created missionaries to shove their beliefs down everybody's throat...but most especially the natives. From what I can see for the most part it ruined any Nation that let it happen. Especially those who would blow off their own religions & myths - so much so forgetting them in the process. Anyway I'm not religious & to pretend to be long enough for some beans & rice which I wouldn't eat anyway - well it just seems silly to me. I try to avoid being a hypocrite whenever possible.

    So there went a few avenues for me. As far as "disabled only" housing...which is different from HA dumps, section 8 vouchers or HUD OK it is "general disabled only". And all you need is your SSA awards letter. You're disabled...done. In TX it is "only people with back injuries". And you gotta have your awards letter plus a doctor's note proving you got some type of back injury. There's also places for people with disorders like depression. But you have to be going to a clinic that then refers you to the place. But this is the same clinic who told me my kid's "just fine" so they're obviously stupid.

    Please somebody try it. See the policies & procedures. See the paperwork. See the hurdles they put up for all too often physically or verbally/mentally abused & neglected single parents & their children. And know the same hurdles exist for disabled & elderly people. Nobody asks you if you've got any family or friends for support. And if you somehow manage to inform them you don't have a soul, don't think for a minute those hurdles are gonna bend.

    To anybody telling me to leave my kid with her dad. Again I've hated abuse all my life & after being ran off by 17 I've become like a momma bear to anybody I see treated like dirt. Naturally this would especially include my only child. A few people have messed with her & seriously regretted it. She's stated that's one of the few things she likes about me.

    Also again...he told me to have an abortion. Then even though we lived within a couple of miles of him he blew her off the next couple of years...which is why I had no problem packing up & moving off with my family. He's telling her I kidnapped her. Plus he came from parents who were from another country, older when they got married & started having kids & whether they were rich or supposedly poor his mom was a housewife. She cleaned & cooked & raised 5 kids plus a grandkid. So I should still be waiting on my 22 year old hand & playing taxi...especially since I'm just sitting here on my bootie not working. Of course this is everything she wants to hear.

    He's mentally frying her. He's got her convinced she should spend several hours 3 days a week visiting his mom. No she should spend 5 days a week working &/or going to school & 2 days a week cleaning, doing laundry, shopping & then also socializing & trying to make real world friends. I could see visiting this granny she didn't know 'til 7 years ago...but not basically living there 3 days a week.

    If you want further proof he's mentally frying her let me tell you this story. Her last "soul mate" is more like a kid to her dad then either of his own. So no...he's not interested in her. Plus he's a teasing kind & she's a can't take a joke kind so more often then not they're not speaking. Anyway...her dad moved this guy into their house. So my kid lived in her bedroom basically the whole time she lived alone with her dad...the first & the second time. 2 grown healthy men living there but she still don't have a DL so she can get a job & go to college.

    My ex is around 400 pounds & refuses to do a single physical thing but maybe shower & his laundry. He so-called works so cleaning, dishes, mowing yards - all that stuff is other people's problems. When he lived off his mom he paid people but over here it's my problem. Not his adult healthy yet unemployed child's problem. It's all up to me. But I refuse to be disrespected by somebody I dumped over 22 years ago or my 22 year old so needless to say we've got all kinds of bugs & things running around here.

    He got here to come here...the first & the second promising her she could have free rent, bills & food. He promised real health insurance because even with that it's hard to get help but without it you're doomed. He promised college. And he promised her help getting a DL plus a car & insurance. She gets here & all there really is would be free rent & bills & sometimes food depending on if I'm around or not. When I'm around it's food stamps & me...which means there's no such thing as 3 meals a day & many times not even 2 for me. And what does all this filth & lack of food do for my health problems? She has no insurance what-so-ever. There's no college. And there's no help getting a DL because she won't let him help (both cuz of the wreck plus she's afraid he'll yell at her & cause another one) & while he's got friends willing to help him few help his child & none with this.

    He's a pathological liar...which is where she gets it from. More then happy to mentally fry his daughter so he don't have to be alone. Something needs to be done about him. Because again...he's around 400 pounds & other then walking to & from his car he rarely moves. He's 50+. His sister saw 52 or 54 & she didn't way around 400 pounds. When either one of us dies she's so up a creek without a paddle. Especially if she stays in TX. The waiting lists are miles long if they're open at all. As a result the homeless shelters are closed to disabled people...especially those who have yet to prove it like herself. If you look up pathological lying it says the only way to stop it is sue people for slander & win &/or disown them. But I have yet to find an atty to help me out with suing anybody.

    I'm beyond furious at him. I really think we need to bring back tarring & feathering or horse-whipping for people like him. But that's just my opinion. But I'm just as mad at her. She's seen 4 kids barely speak to their own mother cuz she put up with guys like this. And she's seen me spend most of my life alone to avoid adding even more dysfunction to our already dysfunctional household. But she's spent the last 7 years allowing this man I dumped many moons ago disrespect either one of us in exchange for free room & board. People are asking me to dump her here knowing he's intentionally frying her & also knowing next there's homelessness or death. Well maybe I'll have to...cuz I have no other choice what-so-ever. But I'll never be the same again. There's no amount of money, therapy or a pill that'll change that.

    To Hound Dog: Thank you much. :) I'm not sure I'm legally blind yet? Medicare don't include vision...that's extra. Years ago I had to have glasses to see far away. Now I still can't see far away & I need those same glasses to see the TV. But I can't use them to read...street signs or closed captioning on the TV. I was a computer person even before I lost my last job. Since then I've lived on here. I have my own home biz where I try to build sites for others or teach them how to themselves. Plus I'm into history/genealogy & cemetery preservation...volunteering at find a grave. Sometimes things go blurry & it's a while before I can see straight again. Plus there's headaches & migraines. But I'm definitely night blind. And that's when my child the vampire loves to go out.

    I have a car. If my kid would get a DL she could have it. All she'd have to do is pay the title but also tags, inspection & insurance. Then she could play my taxi. You see one of my other health problems is endometriosis & ovarian cysts. If you look up endo it says it can ruin a person's life. It's certainly ruined mine. My kid donated plasma once & we went to the grocery store after. She fainted right there in the store...acc'd to the ambulance cuz she didn't drink any water before donating. I'm sick 2 weeks to all month long. I won't post all the gory details but I really shouldn't be alive much less driving or grocery shopping. But I'm doing night. My options are emergency surgery or waiting 'til menopause kicks in should I live so long. If I get emergency surgery they'd either have to let me stay there 'til I got better or send me a nurse occasionally or I'm dead.

    So the traveler's aide...are they just bus tickets or do they have trucks & a couple of big mens to help me carry some thing? Otherwise I lose most everything I've ever worked for...mostly junk though most of it may be. And unless one of you all call Extreme Make-overs for me there's no hope of me replacing any of this from the furniture to the car again. Speaking of you know of any place that helps people out with things like oil changes & checking the breaks & such. Plus my kid broke a button so I can't roll the windows up/down.

    To Dammit Janet: Oh I know. This is all about raising awareness. For some of us there is no help. For some of us saying try this & try that is as helpful as "I'll pray for you". If our pioneers sat around praying for people we'd all be dead. If there was a god who provided miracles I don't think barn raising would be one of them. For some of us it's going to take something like that show that comes in & sends various addicts into clinics for therapy. My kid needs to be with licensed pros who might help her not her dad who's out to further ruin her. Plus I also need Extreme & Oprah & her book club. She can send all the private investigators after me she wants. All of this is true.

    If I can survive this there's things I'd like to do. I'd really like to travel this country & locate every abandoned & neglected cemetery I can find & photograph & record them before it's too late. If I could fix them back up...that'd be even better. And that's not such a bad thing to want to do with whatever's left of your so-called life. I'd also like to adopt abused & neglected kids but I don't have the stability for them. So I'd probably stick with the cemeteries.

    Thanks again to anybody reading & trying. I do know you mean well. :) The shoulder to freak out on is good enough for me. :)
  19. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member


    Did your daughter graduate? If so she can enlist in the service, that will get her motivated. My son (20) sounds a lot like her. It also sounds like you have a full plate as well. I know for me I can't keep dwelling on the past and I can't fret about the future, either one, will do me in mentally. It's one day at a time...and short term goals. Wish I had better suggestions for you. I would definitley set a deadline with your daughter and one for yourself as well.
  20. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Ok, I may sound harsh and that is probably not what I should do being that I am the moderator on this board but...I am going to be straight with you because after reading everything you have written here I think I need to be.

    Some, if not at least half, of what you have told us is stretching the truth. At least about services and what is available.

    You say there is no Section 8 available in Texas. I just googled it and the site popped up. Yes its affiliated with HUD housing but so is most Section 8 housing in all states, if not all of them. My son applied for Section 8 housing and low income housing and he only had to prove income by bringing in a statement from Social Security showing his benefit amount, not what his disability was or a statement from a doctor. I have inquired about the disabled low income apartments here and they asked me what my disability was so they could accommodate my needs. Again, no need for a complete medical history though I can see in that case why they might need at least a physicians letter stating that I need a first floor apartment due to the fact that I cant do steps. Though that might be obvious when I show up in a wheel chair.

    Not all disabled housing, low income housing or HUD housing are dumps. Far from it. I know many people who live in some pretty nice places. I know people who own HUD houses and maintain them well. I know people who own Section 8 houses and rent them. They dont want people living in them that are going to make them into dumps. Some of these houses are in quite nice areas.

    I have no idea why you think that you can only get help from church organizations if you belong to their faith or only are religious. That simply isnt true. I have received help from a food bank at a Baptist church and I am not Baptist, I got a voucher for heating assistance once from a Methodist organization and I am not Methodist and my SO is getting his teeth worked on at a Catholic churches Dental program and believe me, he is far from Catholic. He is actually a Native American Indian.

    If you have managed to get Social Security Disability then you have proved to someone you are disabled. That goes a long enough way to get you in the door to whatever services are available to disabled people. It might not work for disabled veterans but thats another story. You have to work with what you got. You cant save the world. You have to save yourself.

    I believe you are here to just get us going though to be honest. You want sympathy. You want us to respond. None of what we offer or suggest can happen, or so you say when most of know first hand that it can happen. Some of us have accessed this help at one time or other in our lives. Not all of us have traveled the easy road from childhood up to where we are today. Some have but some took a very different path and ended up homeless for a time and had to find all the resources out there to pull us out and climb back up. They are out there, you just have to find them...but you have to do it.

    I dont think you want to. I think you are just yanking our chains.

    Just my opinion though.
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