To Tell The Truth....I'm not so excited

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by buddy, Dec 24, 2011.

  1. buddy

    buddy New Member

    For Christmas. On the one hand I think it could really be fun. If Q is the Q I know he can be it will be great. He will appreciate everything and get through ok. He always has moments, we are all used to that. But this year is more of a gamble. Since he sometimes goes off....I think I am just a little worried. Staying home is an option of course but not really. I have gifts to bring because we draw the kids names I got the youngest so she would be missing out on her gift. That would ruin everyone's day because she is a semi-difficult child herself. Q looks forward to this so much so I feel like I just need to really do my best to help him through it, not punish him for his being who he is. Luckily it is only my dad and his wife, my sisters and their kids. Not like it is a huge extended family gathering or anything. Our traditional low key thing. tomorrow we go to my sister's house and have Christmas with my mom. I wish I could go to church.

    The good news, since we are nearly off the Prozac, I have noticed this week at 1ml he is able to hold off any aggression even when he is really mad. He will also rub my back, pat me, hug me, etc. Like he used to a LONG time ago. He will be completely off of it in a couple of weeks. I think I will do half ml. for one week. His brain can't handle the stopping easily. Prozac is one of the ones he does not have the enzymes to process so he should not have been on it but we didn't know until after he was already on it.

    So, we dont have teh daily blow ups anymore. I have to remember we had that situation (though he was smaller) when he was in 3rd grade and once things were stabilized with medications he was good for years. (the once in a while stuff I can handle).

    So, why am I not feeling like this year will be not so great? I think it is that the last few family things ended so ugly. I have one sister who doesn't mean to but sets him off. She lays down the law instead of ignoring the tic/blurts. She does that because her little one tells on him and so she feels like she needs to set an example but it always blows up. I have tried to explain and even one time just went off on her and she didn't talk to me or even let her kids visit me for months. We had NEVER had a fight like that in our family in my life. So it was a big deal. She ignores Q and he is desperate for her attention because long ago she was a pca for him and they were very close. He feels rejected so he bugs the bleep out of her for attention. She is the one at Thanksgiving that ended up going thru the ads with him and doing really well. So, I am hoping it goes more like that.

    Maybe this is just anxiety over what might happen and I need to just let it go.... we always handle things, I usually am able to look past the bumps, so time to suck it up and knock this off. It feels like PMS but I have not had a cycle since Q went into the hospital. The "hot flashes" or whatever those were, have stopped and I am eating better so maybe it is starting again and that is all it is??? If so, great, but why on Christmas day? uggg.

    Sorry, rambling.... Q took a bath, is doing well now that the medications are kicked in and I need to be an adult and get this all under control. My house is a mess and I know that is making me feel awful too. One thing at a time. I think a nice good smelling bath will help.

    I apologize for being a DeeDee downer.... would sure love a Christmas miracle like in the movies.
  2. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    STOP.....BREATHE.......RELAX! Your body is on pure adrenaline (and taking your mind with it). What will happen will happen. You KNOW what to do if it does. You CANNOT control your sister so hopefully she keeps herself in check. If not, simply ask her to let YOU do the parenting. If there's an incident, go outside or in the car to process it until he calms. You don't HAVE to leave unless it is REALLY bad and you don't think it will get better fast. It does with the horse-riding....that things ARE improving. Cross your fingers, be prepared for the worst (ALWAYS), hope for the best, and have a nice time. Don't let the "maybe's" cloud your week-end.

    Merry Christmas Dee & Q!!!!
  3. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    Family gatherings were always tense with Travis. Hard to tell when or what sensory things would set him off, let alone in what way it would set him off. Got bad enough that husband's bro's family opted out of holidays together..........not honestly that Travis was that bad, because he wasn't, but more because they didn't really grasp at the time what the issues were and why. mother in law and father in law both were the most understand people in the world and although they didn't understand his dxes, Travis was just Travis and they loved and adored him anyway.

    It's not like that now with husband's bro's family. They finally "get it" totally. I think they feel bad for not having understood for so many years, but communication wasn't the best in those days.

    Sounds like as he's weaning off the prozac that Q is stabilizing which is good. Of course you can never know beforehand, but it sounds as if you have a high chance of a nice holiday together.

    Fingers crossed. Merry Xmas!
  4. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I know the feeling. Just go on auto-pilot to make it through the holidays. Try not to set up unrealistic expectations. So sad.
    You know how to deal with-him (and I love that he lets you rub his back) but not everyone else does.
  5. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    {{{hugs}}} Concentrate on the good...

    I think the feeling of anxiety comes from having a history of anticipating holidays that turn out to be disappointing... a safety mechanism if you will.

    Don't let it be the prevailing emotion,

    I wish you peace and joy

  6. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Thanks my friends, I bet you all DO know... I feel better now, really woke awful. Still a little anxious but doing a good job of using good thoughts and creating what I want it to be like.
  7. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Hugs...just saw this. How did the day go?
  8. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    I prescribe liberal amounts of Christmas cookies and Bailey's Irish Cream (the latter provided you aren't on medications).:doctor:
  9. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Only one medication, not a psychiatric medication and not controlled, so if I had any, I would certainly have it! LOL. The day overall went ok. My mood changed just by sharing and listening to my friends. One friend from horseback riding called and I actually told her how I felt and cried a tiny bit and it worked.! Just released it plus she said some funny things and I had to laugh, and I dont know about you guys but laughing for a real reason actually does change my mood. We played spoons last night at my dad's (not Q he does not like that stuff, in fact started swearing and asking us to stop laughing and yelling so loud, one cousin said, gosh, just mellow out and I reminded him that he really is asking because ti hurts him to hear all of that. I gave him his ear plugs then too) We laughed till we peed our pants, we can be very silly in our family.

    Today Q will have his electronic stuff to focus on so hopefully that will help him drown out our noise. There are more rooms to go hide in too.

    Today I am excited to go to my sister's house. Gonna go get all prettied up and head out in about an hour. Should be a good time. Hoping that Q can handle the stress of presents just one more time. Of course then his birthday is on the 5th! Still think I am just gonna take him to MOA and do the indoor rides. He loves that.