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<blockquote data-quote="Albatross" data-source="post: 644781" data-attributes="member: 17720"><p>Oh Cedar, I think it is not only okay, but perfect and loving to be wary and wise where difficult children are concerned. To be anything less (or more?) is to discount not only the truth, but ourselves. We all know the heavy cost of that. You have nothing to feel bad about for not calling her the first time or for not being ready to talk to her the 2nd time.</p><p></p><p>Your story about the neighbor and the FB post reminds me of difficult child son. I found out recently that the last couple of weeks of his trip were funded by his ex-girlfriend's mother. Though I knew she had helped him with part of a bus ticket, I did not know she had paid for a round-trip bus ticket simply because he wanted to make it all they way to CA...and traveling money. I also didn't know that she told difficult child not to tell her husband about it. (He and husband and I have been very vocal about her enabling behaviors toward her own child and ours.) And I especially didn't know that the reason she "helped" difficult child this time was because he greatly colored the story of how he ended up 1000 miles from home with no $, very much painting himself as the victim.</p><p></p><p>I'm glad he's safe and nearby. I'm glad he's clean and sober. I'm hoping the sober him isn't really the kind of person who would not only do the things he did that necessitated us kicking him out, but turn around and find the nearest sympathetic soul he could find, so that he could turn a natural consequence of bad behavior into an expenses paid vacation. I really hope that's not who he is, when he's clean and sober.</p><p></p><p>I suppose it could be argued that I should feel really awful for letting my child take off with $40 in his pocket and get stranded in the middle of nowhere and expect him to figure it out. But I'm not going to go that way. I'm just really, really mad...and really wary where difficult children are concerned.</p><p></p><p>I didn't mean to hijack your thread, just wanted to share that with you, which reminded me a bit of the dig your daughter had to make, about how comforting the neighbor was. Those kinds of hurts...man, they hurt on so many levels.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Albatross, post: 644781, member: 17720"] Oh Cedar, I think it is not only okay, but perfect and loving to be wary and wise where difficult children are concerned. To be anything less (or more?) is to discount not only the truth, but ourselves. We all know the heavy cost of that. You have nothing to feel bad about for not calling her the first time or for not being ready to talk to her the 2nd time. Your story about the neighbor and the FB post reminds me of difficult child son. I found out recently that the last couple of weeks of his trip were funded by his ex-girlfriend's mother. Though I knew she had helped him with part of a bus ticket, I did not know she had paid for a round-trip bus ticket simply because he wanted to make it all they way to CA...and traveling money. I also didn't know that she told difficult child not to tell her husband about it. (He and husband and I have been very vocal about her enabling behaviors toward her own child and ours.) And I especially didn't know that the reason she "helped" difficult child this time was because he greatly colored the story of how he ended up 1000 miles from home with no $, very much painting himself as the victim. I'm glad he's safe and nearby. I'm glad he's clean and sober. I'm hoping the sober him isn't really the kind of person who would not only do the things he did that necessitated us kicking him out, but turn around and find the nearest sympathetic soul he could find, so that he could turn a natural consequence of bad behavior into an expenses paid vacation. I really hope that's not who he is, when he's clean and sober. I suppose it could be argued that I should feel really awful for letting my child take off with $40 in his pocket and get stranded in the middle of nowhere and expect him to figure it out. But I'm not going to go that way. I'm just really, really mad...and really wary where difficult children are concerned. I didn't mean to hijack your thread, just wanted to share that with you, which reminded me a bit of the dig your daughter had to make, about how comforting the neighbor was. Those kinds of hurts...man, they hurt on so many levels. [/QUOTE]
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