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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 646940" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>The worst times are when we are still innocent enough to be taken by horrible surprise. No one keeps their feet in an earthquake; edifices crumble, too. There is destruction all around.</p><p></p><p>And then, we rebuild.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This is fair. If you can, think of it as no more than fair. Not a threat, not a promise, but simply a statement of fact, a simple clarification, for both you and for him, too, of how long the help you are giving him now will be there.</p><p></p><p>It has to stop in June, Lil.</p><p></p><p>And not to sound like a know it all here, but you need to be ready.</p><p></p><p>Snip.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>He can sleep in the park, he can sleep in luxury hotels. Where he sleeps is a choice for him. Not you. If you could love him the way you want to, he would still be home. It gets to be about surviving the way we have to love them when they are so troubled.</p><p></p><p>We have to love them really strong, and with far vision.</p><p></p><p>And at the end of the far vision, we have to see ourselves, whole again.</p><p></p><p>Believe it or not, that is the hard part.</p><p></p><p>But I came through it. So will you. If it comes to this for you, and if,for some reason, I am not here on the site when it happens Lil, remember that whatever it feels like, I came through it and so will you.</p><p></p><p>I always wondered whether I would ever recover.</p><p></p><p>Yes.</p><p></p><p>I did, and so will you.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>YES!!!</p><p></p><p>I love the symbolism in this imagery. </p><p></p><p>There is something especially significant about burning a thing and creating an opening, creating a doorway or a portal. Cleaning their rooms, repainting their rooms, were sacred times for me in that same way. I always waited until I was very ready, too. I cried through it and felt cleansed and very alone and stronger for it, stronger for having done it.</p><p></p><p>I did not know then, when I did it, that it was a sacred time. I did not know that I was doing a sacred thing, that I was declaring my name and calling the time, in a way.</p><p></p><p>We did sell that house, and I am very glad we did.</p><p></p><p>I had come to hate it.</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>Maybe this is something you could plan to do in June, if your son continues to choose the path he is on.</p><p></p><p>You are not powerless.</p><p></p><p>It's all about perception. Defining reality is all about perception.</p><p></p><p>But a mother's heart is a stubborn thing.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>It is. Guest rooms are so pretty, and pristine, and welcoming. Our guest room here is beautifully white. The one at the lake has a timeless feel to it.</p><p></p><p>The house there is a little, tiny log cabin with a fieldstone fireplace and lots of windows. Whenever you plug in too many things, the fuses blow. One time, I was hosting my bookclub. In the excitement of the moment, I forgot about that fuse thing and popped something into the microwave while the stove and lights and coffeepot were on.</p><p></p><p><span style="font-size: 9px">Boom. The fuse blew.</span></p><p></p><p>So, we had our coffee and dessert in the (kind of really cool) glow of the tiny white lights I have strung through the grapevines on the curtain rods instead of blinds or curtains in the dining room.</p><p></p><p>Things like that happen there all the time.</p><p></p><p>And over time, those kinds of weird unexpected things make it seem like a magical place.</p><p></p><p>Well, those weird little happenings that somehow turn out so beautifully and the bats. Which is a whole other story. There were so many bats living there when we bought it that when the wind would blow just right?</p><p></p><p>You could hardly breathe, in the Master bedroom.</p><p></p><p>Phew.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p><p></p><p>P.S. So if anyone would like to know: What you do when you have bats is to find the openings where they are coming in. There will be a bat poop trail you cannot miss. When you do find those openings, tape the following totally clever idea we found on the internet over the opening.</p><p></p><p>Make four cuts into an empty toilet paper roll. </p><p></p><p>This is the part you will tape over the opening. That is why you cut four times. So the toilet paper roll will fit snugly against whatever opening it is they are using to get in.</p><p></p><p>Cut the bottom from a baggie, a lunch bag baggie.</p><p></p><p>This will enable the bats to get out in the night when they go hunting, but they will not be able to separate the plastic to get back in. That is why, if you are going to do this, you must do it early in Spring, before they have their babies.</p><p></p><p>Or the babies will die.</p><p></p><p>Which is bad enough.</p><p></p><p>But they will do that in your house.</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>Now, tape the baggie with the open bottom to the toilet paper roll with duct tape and then, tape the thing you have made over the opening the bats are using to get into the house.</p><p></p><p>And that is how you do it.</p><p></p><p>We had so many bats in that house when we bought it.</p><p></p><p>They are all gone, now.</p><p></p><p>This contraption works beautifully.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 646940, member: 17461"] The worst times are when we are still innocent enough to be taken by horrible surprise. No one keeps their feet in an earthquake; edifices crumble, too. There is destruction all around. And then, we rebuild. This is fair. If you can, think of it as no more than fair. Not a threat, not a promise, but simply a statement of fact, a simple clarification, for both you and for him, too, of how long the help you are giving him now will be there. It has to stop in June, Lil. And not to sound like a know it all here, but you need to be ready. Snip. He can sleep in the park, he can sleep in luxury hotels. Where he sleeps is a choice for him. Not you. If you could love him the way you want to, he would still be home. It gets to be about surviving the way we have to love them when they are so troubled. We have to love them really strong, and with far vision. And at the end of the far vision, we have to see ourselves, whole again. Believe it or not, that is the hard part. But I came through it. So will you. If it comes to this for you, and if,for some reason, I am not here on the site when it happens Lil, remember that whatever it feels like, I came through it and so will you. I always wondered whether I would ever recover. Yes. I did, and so will you. YES!!! I love the symbolism in this imagery. There is something especially significant about burning a thing and creating an opening, creating a doorway or a portal. Cleaning their rooms, repainting their rooms, were sacred times for me in that same way. I always waited until I was very ready, too. I cried through it and felt cleansed and very alone and stronger for it, stronger for having done it. I did not know then, when I did it, that it was a sacred time. I did not know that I was doing a sacred thing, that I was declaring my name and calling the time, in a way. We did sell that house, and I am very glad we did. I had come to hate it. *** Maybe this is something you could plan to do in June, if your son continues to choose the path he is on. You are not powerless. It's all about perception. Defining reality is all about perception. But a mother's heart is a stubborn thing. It is. Guest rooms are so pretty, and pristine, and welcoming. Our guest room here is beautifully white. The one at the lake has a timeless feel to it. The house there is a little, tiny log cabin with a fieldstone fireplace and lots of windows. Whenever you plug in too many things, the fuses blow. One time, I was hosting my bookclub. In the excitement of the moment, I forgot about that fuse thing and popped something into the microwave while the stove and lights and coffeepot were on. [SIZE=1]Boom. The fuse blew.[/SIZE] So, we had our coffee and dessert in the (kind of really cool) glow of the tiny white lights I have strung through the grapevines on the curtain rods instead of blinds or curtains in the dining room. Things like that happen there all the time. And over time, those kinds of weird unexpected things make it seem like a magical place. Well, those weird little happenings that somehow turn out so beautifully and the bats. Which is a whole other story. There were so many bats living there when we bought it that when the wind would blow just right? You could hardly breathe, in the Master bedroom. Phew. Cedar P.S. So if anyone would like to know: What you do when you have bats is to find the openings where they are coming in. There will be a bat poop trail you cannot miss. When you do find those openings, tape the following totally clever idea we found on the internet over the opening. Make four cuts into an empty toilet paper roll. This is the part you will tape over the opening. That is why you cut four times. So the toilet paper roll will fit snugly against whatever opening it is they are using to get in. Cut the bottom from a baggie, a lunch bag baggie. This will enable the bats to get out in the night when they go hunting, but they will not be able to separate the plastic to get back in. That is why, if you are going to do this, you must do it early in Spring, before they have their babies. Or the babies will die. Which is bad enough. But they will do that in your house. *** Now, tape the baggie with the open bottom to the toilet paper roll with duct tape and then, tape the thing you have made over the opening the bats are using to get into the house. And that is how you do it. We had so many bats in that house when we bought it. They are all gone, now. This contraption works beautifully. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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