Today I told him he had to leave

[Tanya M]

He certainly was fishing for an "I'll be glad to pay security and first mo. rent for you" but he didn't get that response.

Yes, I too think he was fishing. My son has tried that tactic many times. For me, the time between these fishing trips grew longer as I think my son started to understand that I nor my husband were going to give in and give him any more money.

The sound of his truck here makes me feel physically ill and shaky, I so associate it with chaos and pain.

This is PTSD. I think most of us here have experienced it on some level. You are not alone in feeling this way.

BUT, this is no reasonable person--this is alcohol, drugs, mental illness...and this is my son.

Such a sad truth and it's my son too.

Keep your boundaries in place and stay strong.

 

[New Leaf]

The sound of his truck here makes me feel physically ill and shaky, I so associate it with chaos and pain.

I so relate to this SRTL. We never know what the "potluck" will be when our two show up. There is always this hesitation and gearing up for come what may. I am glad your husband handled things for you.

A reasonable person would knock on every door asking for employ so they didn't live in a flophouse with no heat or electric, right?
BUT, this is no reasonable person--this is alcohol, drugs, mental illness...and this is my son.

It is hard to figure this all out. For sure we raised our kids to want better. I am sorry for the pain of it, this is my daughter too.
I will keep on hoping and praying she sees the light, and for your son too, as well.
Hang in there sister.
We are going to make it.
Stay strong and focus on you.

(((Hugs)))
leafy

 

[Albatross]

I'm sorry SRTL. These visits feel like drive-by sometimes, a quick in and out and leave us feeling chaotic inside. Put the focus on you right now, your boundaries and your peace of mind.

 

[so ready to live]

Well...we got our weekly visit again--yes, like a "driveby". This time he was much more obviously impaired, we didn't ask but he said "I had a percocet 1 hr. ago" and goodness knows what else. He was way too talkative, same story, over and over. Who knows what is truth, what is lie. His hand was healing from several deep cuts, long story, thrown out of bar a wk ago after got in fight, cut with his own knife by another guy who was cut also. "Self defense" always is. no charges. He must have tried unsuccessfully to rewrap finger 20 times right in front of us. We did good job of saying "oh" without question or comment on his tale of woe. It seems the ER was unsympathetic and "only gave him 5 norco"--and he has tried to get into specialist all wk and they don't return his calls. go figure. Stated he had finally gotten appointment. for tomorrow. I feel sorry for that Dr's. office unless he's sober when he gets there. He stayed 30min (that was 30 too long), taking some of his things from basement to someplace they are moving this wk. Again, we didn't ask. He finally left after much more foolishness and some anger still saying as he went away "it was self-defense, you don't give a r--t's ass about me" He also told hubby that we don't understand because we don't ever relax (guess that's what going to bar and getting knifed is?) I couldn't get out an I love you but did say be careful, next time it might not just be your hand. He told me "yeah, that's what everyone says". Somehow, I wonder if it was a badge of courage. I actually felt better after he left because he is so messed up I realize it's way out of my hands. Hubby felt worse, seeing him this way, because he was surprised by his own reaction of for the first time not feeling like he even wanted to hug him. He really was not a person we knew. It makes me cry to say this. Thank you all for listening, it is so helpful to put it in words.

 

[BusynMember]

I am not saying your son did this, but doctors are necessarily suspicious of requests for narcotics, especially if there is a drug abuse history. Some addicts will even make up stories and hurt themselves to get drugs. Agsin, in no way am I saying your son did this. But medical professionals are hesitant because of this group to prescribe opiates.

As for your son, addiction disease changes our adult kids into people we dont know so nastiness can be ecpected. Maybe he'll think he can talk you into finding a way to get him more drugs.

Dont take his words or actions personally. He is sick.

Please be good to yourself. You csnt control or even help your son. That is on him.

I hope you can find peace today. I love guided meditation on youtube. Take care.

 

[Albatross]

How heart-wrenching to see him like that. I have been there with my d.c., wondering how much of "him" is hiding underneath. I know just what you are saying when you say you realize it is way out of your hands. Layers upon layers...but we can't help them until they see that. And they won't see that if they don't live out the consequences of their choices. I'm so sorry, Ready. Be especially good to yourself today.

 

[so ready to live]

SWOT I get it, I'm a nurse and that is exactly what I'm saying. No, not that he cut himself-but that he certainly took this wonderful opportunity to try to get drugs. FOR SURE. I would hope that at his small-town ER, they are getting tired of him. It seems so. Isn't it strange in a rational world we would say "drug abuse history" don't give them any. HE thinks, "I hurt, these 5 norco aren't going to help me-I take these for fun".???? What a mess. (I may try that youtube
guided meditation-seems I Need it!) Thanks.

 

[New Leaf]

I am sorry SRTL, that 30 minutes when everything slows down but the mind races and you catch your breath between heartbeats. And we love our kids but we just want them to go, because it is so utterly weird, scary and painful to see them in this state.

He really was not a person we knew. It makes me cry to say this. Thank you all for listening, it is so helpful to put it in words.

I have seen my two like this, it is altogether eye opening, maddening, horrific and heart wrenching. At the same time, reconfirms that it is way beyond our power and capability at this point to "fix". It doesn't make it feel any better, and still we love them. Harder again for us when the insults fly and the under the breath or shouted out inferences that we do not care. The problem is that we care way more than they do about themselves.
So we carry on with our daily lives in a shocky kind of other world, put our work clothes and faces on switch gears and try not to keep ruminating over the insanity of it all. Rinse, repeat, rise, fall, get up, one foot forward. Some days better than others and then the next encounter or sighting.

What a bizarre existence for them and for us.

How mighty and incredibly strong we are, even at our weakest most desperate points. As I write this, I am off to work, where I exist in another realm entirely different from this world we are in working so hard to build ourselves up, whatever is happening with our d cs.

If only we could be genies, cross our arms wiggle our noses, blink our eyes and make everything okay.........I think I will visualize that for the day.
Then say my mantra she is out there finding her way.
There is nothing we could do or say to make it different. But, we can still love them and hope for better.
We can still work really hard to be kind to ourselves.
I hope you are able to do that SRTL. Be kind and gentle with yourself.
You are a strong warrior sister.
(((Hugs)))
Leafy

 

[RN0441]

So sorry SWTL. Heartbreaking when we see our children high like that. The pain is immeasurable. I hope I never have to see my son like that again. It makes me so sick and sad and depressed and hopeless. We are here for you.