Today is Justin's 15th Birthday

[DavidH]

Lots has been going on.. in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for Justin... way too much to write... but today is his B-Day and I sent him a card, but I can not talk to him till Tuesday - this ROTTS

think I should call and tell a counselor to let him know dad called to say happy birthday or think they would not like that?

I feel so horrible I can not be there with him on his big day

and I know they do not celibrate any b-days for any boys it is just another day

this rotttttts

 

[meowbunny]

David, he's there for a reason. As much as you love your son, remember the behavior that got him there. Since they treat birthdays as any other day, then so should you. Yes, it hurts, but that's the way it has to be for now. In other words, don't call and leave a message.

I hope things are going well in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) or, if not, they are just glitches.

 

[Abbey]

I understand. I don't think it hurts to call the counselor and ask their opinion on what level of contact you should have. It might be painful for your son to not have family on his birthday, but it might be the pain that makes some change.

Abbey

 

[DavidH]

thanks.. but I called... they had no problems and thanked me for letting them know it was his b=-day no matter what he is only a kid one time... no way can i let him know he had his 15th b-day and dad could not take 2 mins to let him know i was thinking of him.

 

[Star*]

David,

Happy Dad Birthday - and Happy birthday to Justin. I will say one thing - I stopped worrying what people in a residential situation watching My kid would think when I called - I figured - If I called too much and they thought I was crazy - well they should know what crazy is all about and they could say to me "Ms. Star - you're calling too much for Dude's good." but they never did - and I have a right to speak to my son. I am talking about once a week or something and like special occasions.

Don't worry about it - YOU and JUSTIN will be the ONLY ones that remember the call in 4 years. Know what I mean??

Congratulations on surviving. (little difficult child parent humore there)

Star

 

[meowbunny]

I gotta admit that I'm surprised they have the attitude that a b'day is just another day -- didn't seem right to me. I know my daughter got to make an extra call on her b'day. I was allowed to send her b'day card and a small gift. That they're said the day shouldn't be acknowledged bothered me but didn't want to say anything.

It took me awhile but I did learn to try to not circumvent their rules -- I'd use a lot of the same arguments you do ... she's my daughter; I know her better; I know she needs this, etc. What I was doing was giving her the message that she was "special" and didn't have to follow the rules if mom's (and, thus, hers) logic said this wasn't right. It took about 3 months to undo what I did in one month of visits and phone calls.

 

[TerryJ2]

Whaddayaknow ... you did it!

Happy birthday, David.

 

[DavidH]

perhaps i should of just done this on my own and not asked.. as most u know i will stand up - i have been even in my thoughts a bad parent because I HAVE NOT called all the time, i have let the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) do as they see fit, i never interfere i state my thoughts in family session and trust the pro's but trust with a watchful eye, i do as they say on visits and follow all the rules and make justin understand that this is not just Residential Treatment Center (RTC) rules this is how it is when home coming day comes, i will only say once more.. no matter what they are only a child one time



i will go furthur with why that is HUGE to me

when i was a teen my parents decided xmas was a sin - they said no proof jesus was born on dec 25 so no girft no xmas i am almost 44 and still remember how bad that made us 4 kids feel

yes he is getting help and been now in his tenth month - grown more than i would ever dreamt of - and i have as well - let me say one thing - i have learned in this 9 + months ... no matter how bad things are - no matter how upset these little ones make you - no matter no matter no matter - god gave them to us and we and ONLY we are the ones that will ALWAYS be in their life and they WILL remember EVERYTHING - and if I want him to know his Dad thought of him on his birthday even if it means he only gets a message from a counselor - "hey, your Dad called and said Happy Birthday" then that is enough for me.. and I assure all it is MORE THAN enough for him, because I assure all one thing, when he heard it, he SMILED -

I learned one thing years ago - it is ALL about the smile -

you take that how u see it - life after all is not that hard kids... we are given them for a reason.. I am after 9 + months learning mine..

pain to help him? no pain helps no one - love it is all about love - and you know what, Justin is and has in 9 + months finally leared, Dad Loves Him - Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is a success -

hard day yes, confused this AM yes, regrets for calling 1000% no way never - he smiled!