Today is the day...

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by PatriotsGirl, May 31, 2013.

  1. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    If you could all rattle beads, chicken bones, etc. I will be leaving in a few hours for this meeting with the Court Solicitors to discuss options for difficult child.

    Of course when I talked to her yesterday she said again that if she is forced to go, she will rebel and it won't work. And she says this after 37 days of sobriety. :( She is very convincing that she never wants to touch it again. She told me that what she has done to her baby haunts her daily. Gosh, I hope so. She certainly does seem to be thinking about that little boy a lot more and she seems very clear on everything she needs to do when she gets out.

    Her boyfriend warns that she has poor coping skills and that if she were forced, and failed, the regret and pain of failure could send her into a catastrophic relapse.

    But, if I miss this opportunity to get her help and she goes back to using, I will never forgive myself.

    Gosh I wish I had all the answers...I want her to get help and I don't want to set her up to fail.

    And it is SO hard. I know this is her baby,not mine,and yet I am so protective of him. How do you make that transition from mother to grandmother??? I really don't want to overstep my boundaries and chase them off forever. I want my grandson in my life.

    Anyone have last minute advice before I go talk to the court?
  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    :hugs: I'll be that little speck of dust on your shoulder, hon. Just follow your Mama gut.
  3. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    I have no advice, but I will say a prayer and keep my fingers crossed for you. I hope that it goes well and she agrees to go for treament.
  4. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    Lay all the cards out on the table, and be very honest with them. Have no regrets when you leave there.
    I'll be rattling and rooting for you both...
  5. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sending hugs and all the best ju ju I can muster. Tell the truth, follow your instincts, all you can do what feels right.............then let it all go once you leave there and focus on you..................for the moment, your difficult child and the baby are safe..............enjoy YOUR life............
  6. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    You are not responsible for her success or failure. She is! Just remember that. Good luck and I will say a prayer.
  7. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    You are very, very right. Thank you - I DO need to remember that!!
  8. Hopeless

    Hopeless ....Hopeful Now

    Sending lots of support and bead rattling your way!!
  9. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    I am here waiting....they are in a meeting for someone else right now but I am next up...why am I so nervous??
  10. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Because you care...
    Sending hugs and whatever calm will fit down the wire...
  11. cubsgirl

    cubsgirl Well-Known Member

    Sending extra ((hugs)), strength and prayers......I hope it works out for difficult child
  12. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Love and hugs dear friend
  13. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I'm sending support your way. Advice?? Do not get emotional...stick to the facts. It will be obvious that you love her and the baby and only want the best. I hope it goes smoothly. Hugs DDD
  14. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    OH PG I a thinking about you!! I agree with laying the cards on the table. Sounds like she has good intentions but they always do until the temptation of using becomes too strong to resist. I say listen to your gut and do what you think is right for the baby.... whatever that is.

    Sending strong vibes your way.

  15. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    I was silly enough to think I was being brought in for input. HA. No. They simply called me in to tell me what they ARE doing. Here is the letter I am sending to difficult child today that explains everything that happened. Gosh, I REALLY hope she makes the RIGHT choice.

    Hi baby,
    Well, that meeting certainly did not go the way I thought it would. I thought they wanted me there for input. HA. No. They had a huge meeting with the DA, Assistant DA and the heads of all the courts this morning before I even got there. I couldn’t believe how many people were there meeting about you! They only called me in afterwards to tell me what is going on and what they are going to do.
    They plan on charging you with felony possession if you do not agree to treatment court. I didn’t know they could do this, but they can. By testing dirty on a drug test for meth, it proves you were in possession of meth.
    You now have two choices Marina. You can finally submit and go to treatment court, or you can sit in jail until you go to court for felony charges. They said your privilege of having “options” ended when you used meth while pregnant.
    They called me in there so they could explain what each choice would bring for you. They want me to explain to you so you can really think about this before they proceed.
    If you choose to refuse and fight the felony, they can drag it out as long as they want. They CAN and WILL keep you in jail for the rest of your pregnancy. When you go into labor, they will take you to the hospital and you will be shackled to the hospital bed. We, nor Michael, will be allowed to be there. You will be in custody and give birth as a prisoner. Your baby will then most likely be taken by DFCS.
    You do NOT want a felony on your record, Marina. I can tell you that NO judge in the world is going to look kindly on anyone that used meth while pregnant and then continually refused treatment. You are pretty much guaranteed to be found guilty and would serve at least a year in jail. Do you really want to miss out on Connor’s first year?? It will make life even more difficult for you in getting a job, a place to live, and many other consequences.
    If you agree to treatment court, you WILL go to a rehab where you WILL keep your baby with you. You will not have to go to any appointments anywhere until after you are out of rehab. They will then help you with a place to live, transportation to all of your appointments and you will have a support system of other women who are exactly in the same position as you are right now going through the same program. She said that NO ONE that has gone through this program has lost their children. The program is designed to NOT take your baby from you. It is designed to train you to be a GOOD mother to Connor and keep you together as a family. When you go into labor, you will have your baby in a hospital just like anyone else and we can ALL be there. Most importantly, they will rip up the felony charge and make it disappear.
    The choice is yours. I can’t make it for you. I know you think I am powerful and the courts will do whatever I say, but that simply is not true. I have zero say in what they are doing. The DA and head Solicitor is VERY determined to keep that baby safe. This is not a game. It is not a battle of wills. Everyone is protecting that baby no matter what it takes. YOU are not stronger than the courts. You WILL lose and you WILL lose Connor if you continue to be stubborn and refuse to enter the program. Know that it IS your choice to make and probably THE most important decision you will ever make in your life. And please, also keep in mind that you are not only making this decision for you, but for Connor as well. You are deciding HIS future, too. YOU are deciding to keep him with you or be sent to foster care. Please, God, I hope you make the right choice.
    I love you.

    So - that is it. I am off to the post office to get it mailed in hopes that she will get it Monday. The Solicitor wants us to go visit her on Tuesday and see where her head is at...she said it will show her that we are all there for her and love her. So, I will - this once. Normally, I wouldn't go see my child in jail. Not exactly something I want to see. :(

    Please pray with me that she makes the right choice....
  16. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    PG _ I am very pleased by this outcome.... sounds like the prosecutor is doing a great job where you are and they are all protecting Connor which is what should happen. I am also very glad that they did not somehow leave it up to you, now you get to say it out of your hands there is nothing you can do. You can send her the letter and then really leave it in her court, either way Connor stays safe. I am sure it has helped the prosecutor that you are on the same page... you truly are a great warrior mom.

    My hope for my difficult child is that if and when (really not if but when) he gets arrested here that they are as reasonable about getting him help.... they wont have a baby to consider so they may not.

  17. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    PG, I am really, really glad that they didn't ask for your input. Why? Because this means no beating yourself up. No second guessing yourself. This means they gave her the options and she makes the decision. No one can blame you. She can try - she can say your letter was trying to trick her - but one discussion with the court should at least put a glimmer of doubt in her mind.

    I hope she makes the right decision - for herself, for Connor. Whichever decision that might be... Though I know which way I am leaning!
  18. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    God Bless PG, thinking of you.

    I am so hopeful that this will be the moment that makes the difference in her life and Connor's life.

    (at the same time, I feel your pain, TLs pain, S2's pain -- all of our pain...who would have EVER thought we'd want jail for our kids? Parenting a difficult child is like living in an alternate universe, could you have ever imagined hoping "please let jail be the thing that makes the difference..."??? Not trying to make you sad, I am just hoping along with you...and want you to know I get it)
  19. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    So glad they are making good decisions to help her. They are giving her options and she has to chose. It is all up to her which is perfect.
  20. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Member


    Your letter was ....well I don't have a good word. I want to say amazing but the subject is so sad and that doesn't fit. You hit the right chords.

    i pray she takes the help....for her, for Connor and all who love them.

    *how are you doing emotionally?