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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 152543" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I agree, he's had the consequences. Well done all round. That cop deserves a big box of chocolates. </p><p></p><p>Something you could do - sit with your son and ask him what he thinks was going on and what you can both do to avoid a recurrence. Maybe a code word to remind him? He needs strategies to calm himself down and to stop him from getting hyped up by the conflict.</p><p></p><p>When our difficult children get upset, it really is a big deal for them that moment, no matter what we think. Proportion - it's gone. They can't think clearly, they often can't use the strategies they've rehearsed while calm - it's not pretty. They need to have strategies in place that they can use (even if you have to remind them) to get some level of control until they get to a point where they can calm down enough to talk about what they're upset about.</p><p></p><p>We try to not talk about an issue until the kid is calm. So if they're yelling - we don't engage. They have to calm themselves before they stand a chance of being heard. As a result, they have been working on staying calm (or getting their calm back) in order to have a better chance of getting what they want.</p><p></p><p>Good luck with this one. I think the incident and the outcome have brought their own punishment. Anything more you do is not going to teach him anything more. And surely that is the aim of punishment?</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 152543, member: 1991"] I agree, he's had the consequences. Well done all round. That cop deserves a big box of chocolates. Something you could do - sit with your son and ask him what he thinks was going on and what you can both do to avoid a recurrence. Maybe a code word to remind him? He needs strategies to calm himself down and to stop him from getting hyped up by the conflict. When our difficult children get upset, it really is a big deal for them that moment, no matter what we think. Proportion - it's gone. They can't think clearly, they often can't use the strategies they've rehearsed while calm - it's not pretty. They need to have strategies in place that they can use (even if you have to remind them) to get some level of control until they get to a point where they can calm down enough to talk about what they're upset about. We try to not talk about an issue until the kid is calm. So if they're yelling - we don't engage. They have to calm themselves before they stand a chance of being heard. As a result, they have been working on staying calm (or getting their calm back) in order to have a better chance of getting what they want. Good luck with this one. I think the incident and the outcome have brought their own punishment. Anything more you do is not going to teach him anything more. And surely that is the aim of punishment? Marg [/QUOTE]
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