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<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 152651" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>To me, the consequence was twofold -- the police officer cuffing him and your restrictions at home. To go any further is just punitive, sorry. It's not going to teach him anything more than he has already learned and that's normally the idea behind punishing a child -- to teach them that their actions have consequences.</p><p> </p><p>So, if you remove everything he can throw, how does he learn to control himself? How does he show he has better self-control if you are controlling all of his movements?</p><p> </p><p>I do understand your anger, but I'm hoping it is not your anger that is doling out these present punishments. I went that route. It was an unmitigated disaster. My daughter learned that she may as well do what she wanted because she was in so much trouble already it was irrelevant. She did not learn self-control, I was controlling her. When I finally saw what I was doing and how it was affecting her, I changed things around. </p><p> </p><p>I never gave a consequence in anger. I made sure the punishment fit the crime and, whenever possible, let natural consequences rule the roost. Once I was sure the message had been received and understood, I did not continue with the consequence. She was intelligent enough to not need the repeated hit by the 2X4 -- just the first one to get her attention.</p><p> </p><p>I hope your way works for your son. I just know it didn't for my daughter. I do understand the anger and frustration as we watch our kids do stupid, dangerous things when they're angry and frustrated. I also understand the need and desire to try to teach them better methods to control themselves. For me, the trick was to learn when I was teaching and when I was just being vindictive. Once I quit letting my anger do the talking, I really did begin to teach my daughter how to control herself. If nothing else, it probably saved me a few bruises when she hit her teens.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 152651, member: 3626"] To me, the consequence was twofold -- the police officer cuffing him and your restrictions at home. To go any further is just punitive, sorry. It's not going to teach him anything more than he has already learned and that's normally the idea behind punishing a child -- to teach them that their actions have consequences. So, if you remove everything he can throw, how does he learn to control himself? How does he show he has better self-control if you are controlling all of his movements? I do understand your anger, but I'm hoping it is not your anger that is doling out these present punishments. I went that route. It was an unmitigated disaster. My daughter learned that she may as well do what she wanted because she was in so much trouble already it was irrelevant. She did not learn self-control, I was controlling her. When I finally saw what I was doing and how it was affecting her, I changed things around. I never gave a consequence in anger. I made sure the punishment fit the crime and, whenever possible, let natural consequences rule the roost. Once I was sure the message had been received and understood, I did not continue with the consequence. She was intelligent enough to not need the repeated hit by the 2X4 -- just the first one to get her attention. I hope your way works for your son. I just know it didn't for my daughter. I do understand the anger and frustration as we watch our kids do stupid, dangerous things when they're angry and frustrated. I also understand the need and desire to try to teach them better methods to control themselves. For me, the trick was to learn when I was teaching and when I was just being vindictive. Once I quit letting my anger do the talking, I really did begin to teach my daughter how to control herself. If nothing else, it probably saved me a few bruises when she hit her teens. [/QUOTE]
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